JUtantati0n: 


OR    THE 


CONFESSIONS 


OF   A 

CONVERT  TO  ROMANISM: 

A  TALE   OF 

DOMESTIC  AND  RELIGIOUS  LIFE  IN -ITALY. 
EDITED  BY  THE 

REV.  WM.  INGRAHAM  KIP,  M.  A., 

AUTHOR  OF  "  THE  CHRISTMAS- HQI/YDAYS  IN  ROME,"  ETC. 


N  E  W  -  Y  O  R  K : 

STANFORD    AND    SWORDS, 

No.  139,  BROADWAY. 

1846. 


ENTERED  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1846,  by 

STANFORD    AND   SWORDS, 

in  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  for  the  Southern 

District  of  New-York. 


OHN  R.  M'Gowir,  Printer, 
No.  128,  Fulton-street, 


PREFACE. 


THIS  volume  is  a  reprint  of  one  published  In 
London  during  the  last  year.  A  friend  placed  it  in 
the  hands  of  the  Editor,  because  from  his  acquaint, 
ance  with  the  scenes  in  which  the  story  is  laid,  and 
the  opportunities  he  had  enjoyed  of  gaining  some 
knowledge  of  the  tone  of  thought  and  feeling  pre- 
vailing in  Italian  society,  it  was  believed  he  might 
be  able  to  decide  on  the  justness  of  its  claims  to  be 
taken  as  a  faithful  picture. 

The  writer  states  that  "the  following  pages 
were  penned  from  notes  taken  during  a  residence 
of  upwards  of  two  years  in  Tuscany  and  the  Papal 
States  ;  during  which  she  had  opportunities,  that 
rarely  fall  to  the  lot  of  the  casual  traveller,  of  per- 
sonally witnessing  the  scenes,  and  many  of  the  con- 
versations which  she  describes." 

To  the  fidelity  of  her  descriptions  of  places,  the 
Editor  can  bear  his  unhesitating  testimony.  Almost 
every  page  arrayed  before  him  some  scene  associ- 


IV  PREFACE. 

ated  with  the  pleasant  hours  he  spent  in  classic 
Italy.  The  stately  palaces  of  fascinating  Florence 
— the  woody  hill  of  Fie  sole,  where  Milton  mused 
and  wrote — the  peaceful  valleys  of  "  leafy  Vallam- 
brosa  " — the  animated  walks  of  the  Cascine — the 
treasures  of  the  Pitti  Palace — the  splendor  of  the 
Ducal  Court — the  beautiful  scenery  of  luxuriant 
Tuscany — all,  are  called  up  again  to  memory  by 
the  allusions  of  this  narrative.  And  mingled  with 
these  came  less  pleasing  remembrances  of  super- 
stitions such  as  are  here  portrayed,  and  the  surveil- 
lance of  a  religious  despotism  before  which  all 
trembled.  The  scoffing,  infidel  tone  of  some  of 
these  conversations  is  not  imaginary.  The  Editor 
has  himself  heard  it,  when  men  uttered  to  him,  a 
foreigner,  what  they  would  not  dare  to  speak  to  their 
own  countrymen,  and  even  then  declared  their  un- 
belief in  the  system  under  which  they  were  forced 
to  live, 

"  in  bondsmen's  key, 
"  With  bated  breath  and  whispering  fearfulness." 

He  feels  therefore  that  the  whole  air  of  this  work 
is  truthful,  and  as  such  he  would  commend  it  to  his 
young  countrywomen.  It  strips  oft'  the  romance 
which  to  a  casual  traveller  surrounds  Italian  life, 
and  reveals  it  as  it  really  is,  divested  of  every  do- 
mestic feeling,  heartless  and  demoralizing.  It 


PREFACE.  V 

traces  too  the  steps  of  that  reaction  which  must 
take  place  in  the  mind  of  one  educated  in  a  purer 
faith,  when  the  gloss  has  faded  from  life,  the  utter 
hollowness  of  the  system  it  had  embraced  been 
detected,  and  sorrow  and  death  at  hand,  the  spirit 
looks  around  in  earnestness  for  something  on  which 
to  rely  in  the  hour  of  its  mortal  agony.  Oh,  solemn 
indeed  are  the  struggles  through  which  the  aching 
heart  must  then  pass,  as  it  seeks  once  more  the 
peace  of  its  early  years  !  Deep  must  be  the  trou- 
bled waters  to  be  passed  through,  and  severe  the 
trials  by  which  the  spirit  wins  again  the  heritage  it 
had  so  carelessly  cast  away  !  The  penalty  of  sin 
must  be  borne,  and  well  has  the  writer  of  this 
volume  pictured  the  recklessness  and  despair  which 
may  seize  upon  the  heart,  before  in  penitence  and 
faith  it  can  once  more  repose  upon  the  promises  of 
Him  "  who  was  wounded  for  our  transgressions 
and  bruised  for  our  iniquities."  If  therefore  this 
narrative  can  give  warning  to  but  one  individual, 
or  induce  a  single  person  to  pause  before  they  desert 
"  the  old  paths,"  its  publication  in  this  country  will 
not  have  been  in  vain. 

It  was  at  first  the  intention  of  the  writer  to  have 
added  some  explanatory  notes  in  the  course  of  the 
volume.  Subsequent  reflection,  however,  induced 
him  to  abandon  the  idea,  and  in  place  of  it  he  has 
ventured  to  alter  the  phraseology  of  the  text,  where 
it  would  be  misunderstood  or  was  not  theologically 


VI  PREFACE. 

correct.  The  arguments  are  too  naturally  and 
plainly  given  to  need  any  elucidation.  There  is 
one  point,  however,  to  which  he  cannot  but  direct 
attention.  It  is  with  regard  to  the  great  necessity 
there  exists  of  being  early  taught  and  educated  in 
the  principles  of  our  most  holy  faith.  No  one 
properly  trained  could  ever  have  been  perverted  by 
the  flimsy  arguments  which  in  this  case  are  repre- 
sented as  having  smoothed  the  way  to  Romanism — 
no  father  who  realized  the  awful  consequences  flow- 
ing from  a  renunciation  of  the  truth  we  should  hold, 
and  how  fearfully  it  perilled  the  soul's  salvation, 
could  ever  exclaim  at  such  a  time  —  "  Nonsense  ! 
'tis  only  a  mere  form."  And  if  the  reply  be  made, 
that  this  is  only  fiction,  we  answer,  that  we  can  tell 
of  parallel  cases  with  some  of  our  young  country- 
women, when  these  scenes  were  all  enacted  as  a 
sad  reality — when  the  faith  in  which  they  were 
reared,  but  whose  solemn  sanctions  they  never  fully 
understood,  was  hastily  abandoned,  and  all  the  hap- 
piness of  domestic  life  rashly  sacrificed  to  purchase 
the  glitter  of  a  foreign  title. 

In  these  uncertain  times,  then,  when  around  us 
"  the  strife  of  tongues  "  swells  loudly  out,  and  every 
effort  is  made  to  seduce  the  imaginative  and  unsta- 
ble from  the  true  path,  the  responsibility  rests  on 
parents  and  teachers  that  those  committed  to  their 
care  should  be  "  rooted  and  grounded  "  in  the  faith. 
Let  the  young  be  well  instructed  in  the  principles 


PREFACE.  Vll 

of  our  venerable  Apostolic  Church,  and  we  have 
nothing  to  fear.  The  reason  will  be  convinced, 
while  the  heart  and  the  affections  will  desire  noth- 
ing more.  In  carrying  out  her  requirements  and 
living  up  to  her  privileges,  every  craving  of  their 
spiritual  nature  will  be  fully  satisfied,  and  thus  an 
insidious  enemy  gain  no  advantage  over  them. 
Recognising  the  Church  to  which  they  belong  as 
the  Mother  of  Saints,  they  will  cleave  to  her  with 
no  faltering  or  doubting  allegiance.  Treading  in 
the  steps  of  her  children  who  "  through  the  ages 
all  along  "  have  departed  in  the  faith,  each  passing 
year,  while  it  draws  them  nearer  to  their  LORD, 
will  also  bind  their  affections  more  closely  to  that 
holy  fellowship  of  which  an  apostle  spake,  as  "  the 
Bride,  the  Lamb's  Wife."  Thus,  when  "  life's 
fitful  fever  "  is  over,  they  will  calmly  sink  to  their 
rest,  "  having  the  testimony  of  a  good  conscience, 
in  the  communion  of  the  Catholic  Church,  in  the 
confidence  of  a  certain  faith,  and  in  the  comfort  of 
a  reasonable,  religious,  and  holy  hope." 

ALBANY,  October ,  1846. 


*s 


RECANTATION, 


IT  has  been  a  long  received  axiom,  that  the 
life  of  even  the  humblest  individual  would, 
if  written  with  honest  purpose  and  single- 
ness of  heart,  present  passages  which  might 
prove  beneficial  to  mankind.  However 
painful  the  records,  and  humiliating  the  de- 
tails of  my  short  career,  I  pen  these  recol- 
lections in  the  humble  hope  that  the  con- 
sideration of  my  early  levities,  and  the 
bitter  punishment  they  have  entailed  upon 
me,  will  prove  a  warning  to  some  young 
and  gentle  traveller  in  the  outset  of  life, 
who,  in  the  sunny  pathway  which  lies  be- 

2 


10  RECANTATION. 

fore  her,  sees  not  the  deadly  venom  which 
too  often  lurks  beneath  its  fairest  flowers. 

I  write  to  the  young — for  not  long  since 
I  was  young  myself — young  alike  in  thought 
and  feeling ;  to  the  innocent — for  I  can  still 
remember  the  pure  and  holy  happiness 
which  a  guileless  heart  can  give  ;  and  to 
the  beautiful — for,  alas  !  I  have  known  the 
dangerous  triumph  of  personal  attractions  ; 
I  have  drunk  deep  of  the  intoxicating 
draught  of  flattery,  and  revelled  in  the 
poisonous  atmosphere  of  general  admiration. 

I  fear  almost  that  my  young  readers 
will  turn  from  these  pages  with  disgust,  and 
anticipating  a  homily  where  alone  they 
sought  for  entertainment,  will  hardly  care 
to  continue  their  perusal.  But  do  not  let 
me  be  thus  misinterpreted  :  it  is  of  myself 
that  I  am  about  to  write — of  my  own  sinful- 
ness  and  folly — without  disguise  or  pallia- 
tion ;  and  if  the  perusal  of  my  mournful  tale 
should  but  deter  one  of  my  young  country- 
women from  following  my  example,  alas  ! 
now  too  widely  spread  ; — if  these  confes- 
sions could  but  secure  our  England  one 
daughter  more,  and  bestow  on  Italy  one 


RECANTATION.  11 

victim  less,  I  shall  not  have  written  them 
in  vain. 

I  remember  well  the  bounding  sensa- 
tions of  delight  with  which  I  watched  the 
white  cliffs  of  Dover  receding  from  my 
view,  as  the  dancing  waves  bore  my 
parents  and  myself  merrily  onward  to  the 
shores  of  France.  Each  moment  we  were 
drawing  nearer  to  our  destined  bourne,  and 
Italy,  with  a  train  of  fairy-like  anticipations, 
seemed  to  array  itself  in  brighter  and  more 
glowing  colours.  My  father,  as  we  paced 
the  deck,  entered  into  my  feelings  with  al- 
most boyish  ecstasy  :  he  was  no  stranger 
to  the  scenes  we  were  about  to  visit,  for  in 
his  youth  he  had  passed  some  time  in  the 
south  ;  and  neither  the  long  years  that  had 
since  then  intervened,  nor  his  busy  and  un- 
ceasing occupations,  had  been  able  to 
obliterate  those  deeply-cherished  reminis- 
cences. My  childhood  had  been  spent  in 
tranquil  happiness,  but  I  had  ever  dwelt 
with  delight  upon  his  animated  descriptions 
of  the  sunny  climes  to  which  his  memory 
so  fondly  clung,  and  the  hope  of  one  day 
dwelling  amongst  those  enchanted  scenes, 


12  RECANTATION. 

had  always  been  the  brightest  of  my  joyous 
visions. 

The  parting  tears  and  kisses  of  fond  and 
sorrowing  relations  were  still  fresh  upon 
my  cheek,  but  I  could  scarcely  grieve  at 
leaving  them,  when  absence  was  to  intro- 
duce me  to  all  the  realization  of  my  girlish 
expectations  ;  for  it  had  long  been  decided 
by  my  father  that  in  Florence  I  should 
make  my  entrance  into  the  world,  and  there 
first  taste  of  the  fascinations  of  society. 
Our  stay  on  the  continent  was  to  be  limited 
to  a  year,  for  my  father,  who  was  an  emi- 
nent London  merchant,  could  spare  no 
longer  interval  from  his  professional  avoca- 
tions :  but  in  that  short  space  I  prophesied 
a  lifetime  of  enjoyment  would  be  concen- 
trated ;  whilst  even  my  mother,  who  had 
hitherto  scarcely  approved  of  our  leaving 
England,  though  her  gentle  nature  had  of- 
fered no  resistance  to  her  husband's  will, 
now  weaned,  in  spite  of  herself,  from  her 
sadness,  smiled  at  witnessing  my  delight 
and  happiness. 

***** 

It  was   night  when  we   reached  our 


RECANTATION.  13 

journey's  end,  and  entered  Florence.  The 
moon  shone  in  unclouded  grandeur,  shed- 
ding a  flood  of  bright  silvery  radiance  on 
the  famed  Lung  Arno,  with  its  long  lines 
of  stately  palaces  and  many  bridges,  each 
casting  a  dark  shadow  on  the  pale  bosom 
of  the  river.  To  the  east,  as  we  gazed  from 
the  majestic  "Ponte  alia  Trinita,"  the 
"Ponte  Vecchio"  was  first  visible,  its  quaint 
and  irregular  outline  standing  in  bold  relief 
against  the  calm  clear  sky ;  beyond  it  the 
"Alle  Grazie"  is  more  dimly  seen,  while 
the  slight  frame-work  of  the  last*  fades  in 
the  distance  amid  the  snow-capped  Apen- 
nines which  bound  the  Campagna  of 
Florence.  Towards  the  west  rises  the  five- 
arched  "  Carraja,"  and  the  graceful  suspen- 
sion-bridge beyond,  which  seems  to  float  in 
air,  so  light  and  elegant  are  its  proportions  ; 
while  the  dark  groves  of  the  "Cascine" 
curtain  the  extended  prospect. 

Although   October  was    far  advanced, 
there   was   no    chilness   in   that   heavenly 


*  This  elegant  bridge  was  swept  away  by  the  inundation 
of  the  Arno  in  1844. 


14  RECANTATION. 

night,  for  the  lingering  breath  of  summer 
seemed  yet  to  hover  around  and  mingle 
with  the  autumnal  air.  There  was  a  charm 
in  the  soft  clear  firmament,  a  tinkling  music 
in  the  sounds  that  floated  on  the  lazy  breeze, 
as  it  wantoned  amid  the  flower-scented  at- 
mosphere, which  transported  the  soul  into 
a  new  state  of  existence,  and  seemed  like 
the  embodying  of  a  poet's  dream.  My 
feelings,  as  I  then  viewed  that  unequalled 
scene,  were  untinged  with  aught  save  won- 
der and  delight ;  but  in  after-times  I  have 
sighed  to  gaze  upon  that  moonlit  river,  nor 
dared  to  lift  my  eyes  to  the  bright  luminary 
above ;  who,  in  her  chaste  and  holy 
radiance,  has  been  for  countless  ages  the 
silent  beholder  of  man's  ephemeral  exis- 
tence, and  seems  to  look  with  sorrowing 
pity  upon  his  vain  and  trifling  career. 

I  will  not  dwell  long  upon  the  first  few 
weeks  of  our  residence  in  Florence,  which 
seemed  to  require  no  other  incentive  to  hap- 
piness than  viewing  all  the  priceless  gems 
of  art  and  unequalled  beauties  of  nature, 
that  enrich  this  fascinating  spot.  The 
mildness  of  the  season  was  unusually  pro- 


RECANTATION.  15 

longed,  and  each  day  saw  us  bent  on  some 
new  excursion  amidst  the  beautiful  environs 
of  the  City  of  Flowers.  On  these  occasions 
we  were  constantly  accompanied  by  a 
young  Englishman  of  the  name  of  Harcourt, 
who  had  arrived  in  Florence  shortly  after 
us  ;  and  being  an  intimate  friend  and  col- 
lege companion  of  my  brother,  from  whom 
he  brought  the  warmest  letters  of  introduc- 
tion, it  was  not  long  ere  he  was  received  by 
the  whole  family,  as  an  old  and  valued  ac- 
quaintance. He  was  destined  for  the 
Church,  and  a  shade  of  seriousness  al- 
ready pervaded  his  handsome  and  intelli- 
gent countenance,  indicating  the  tenor  of  his 
future  pursuits,  and  tempering  the  exuber- 
ance of  a  disposition  naturally  too  ardent 
and  enthusiastic ;  yet  there  was  still  a 
manly  independence  of  character  in  his 
bearing,  mingled  with  touches  of  warm 
feeling  and  sensibility  which  won  all  hearts 
in  his  favor. 

The  clasfc  hill  of  Fiesole,  clad  with 
luxuriant  vines  hanging  in  graceful  festoons 
from  tree  to  tree,  and  where  the  crimson 
tints  of  the  pomegranate,  and  the  luscious 


16  RECANTATION. 

autumnal  fig,  gleam  on  its  bosom  amidst 
the  silvery  foliage  of  the  olive, — the  dusky 
woods  and  peaceful  valleys  of  Vallambrosa, 
— the  stately  palace  of  Poggio  a  Cajano,  re- 
plete with  the  darkest  reminiscences  of 
Florentine  annals, — and  the  gardens  of 
Pratolino,  where  the  far-famed  Padre  Apen- 
nino  still  rears  his  giant  form  in  haughty  de- 
fiance of  the  inroads  of  time  and  the  fury 
of  the  elements, — each  and  all  in  their  turn 
were  visited  and  explored,  in  company  of 
one  whose  deep  historic  lore  gave  renewed 
interest  and  delight  to  every  excursion. 
Harcourt  possessed  the  art  of  throwing  so 
much  fire  and  poetry  into  his  descriptions 
of  former  times,  that  the  past  seemed  to 
live  anew  beneath  their  magic  influence ; 
and  I  have  sometimes  started,  when  he 
ceased  speaking,  to  find  myself  recalled  to 
the  realities  of  the  present. 

But  it  was  only  when  excited  or  unre- 
strained by  the  presence  of  strangers  that 
he  would  thus  delight  us ;  he  was  usually 
calm  and  reserved,  even  to  coldness,  in  his 
deportment;  and,  with  the  haughty  spirit 
of  an  Englishman,  seemed  as  if  he  wished 


RECANTATION.  17 

to  conceal  from  all  casual  observers,  the 
rich  storehouse  of  poetry  and  eloquence 
which  his  heart  contained.  One  predomi- 
nant feeling  however  was  always  there, 
like  the  deep  and  silent  current  of  the 
fathomless  Atlantic — a  devoted  and  intense 
spirit  of  patriotism ;  which  not  all  his  ad- 
miration for  the  classical  associations,  nor 
the  beautiful  scenery  of  Italy,  could  either 
eradicate  or  subdue. 

The  only  time  during  the  early  and 
happier  stage  of  our  acquaintance  that  I  saw 
aught  like  a  shadow  of  displeasure  on  his 
brow,  was  one  day  when  we  were  standing 
upon  Galileo's  observatory  at  Bello  Sguardo. 
After  having  dwelt  with  enthusiasm  on  the 
glorious  scene  that  lay  beneath  us,  he  re- 
verted to  our  own  land,  and  spoke  of  her 
lofty  pre-eminence  over  other  nations,  her 
noble  institutions,  her  patriots  and  her 
warriors,  with  deep  and  passionate  fond- 
ness. 

"England!"  I  exclaimed;  "oh  do  not 
speak  of  England  here  !  The  name  alone 
seems  to  chill  my  heart,  and  if  I  had  a  wish 
to  form,  it  would  be  to  have  been  born 

2* 


18  RECANTATION. 

Italian,  and  ever  live  beneath  this  sunny 
sky!" 

Harcourt  turned  suddenly  round,  and 
looked  in  my  face  with  an  eager  inquiring 
glance,  as  if  doubtful  whether  he  had  heard 
aright.  There  was  an  expression  of  sorrow 
in  his  dark  and  speaking  eyes,  which 
grieved,  although  at  the  same  time  it  deeply 
flattered  me  ;  for  it  told  more  plainly  than  a 
thousand  words  how  much  importance  he 
attached  even  to  my  thoughtless  expres- 
sions. Young  as  I  was  I  at  once  felt  my 
influence,  and  it  required  but  little  exertion 
of  my  powers  of  pleasing  to  remove  every 
thought  of  reproach  from  his  mind,  and 
chase  away  the  serpent  that  had  thus, 
though  but  for  a  moment,  glided  into  our 
blissful  Eden. 

Meantime  the  autumn  was  drawing  to 
a  close,  and  each  day  brought  a  fresh  in- 
flux of  strangers,  who  designed  like  us  to 
pass  the  winter  in  Florence  :  the  Italian 
families  of  distinction  also,  to  whom  we 
were  furnished  with  letters  of  introduction, 
returned  from  their  summer  "villeggia- 
ture,"  and  I  began  impatiently  to  count  the 


RE  C  ANT  ATION.  1 9 

hours  until  the  season  for  gaiety  should 
commence.  Days  and  weeks  passed  on, 
until  at  length  the  ball  at  the  Grand  Duke's 
palace  on  the  first  of  the  year,  was  the  scene 
of  my  entry  into  the  world. 

Even  at  this  moment — worn  and  ex- 
hausted as  I  am — dead  to  all  enjoyment  as 
my  heart  now  feels — I  lay  down  my  pen  to 
recall,  with  mingled  feelings  of  wonder  and 
regret,  the  wild  tumultuous  happiness  of 
that  evening,  and  the  trembling  anticipation 
and  excitement  of  the  days  which  preceded 
it.  How  the  hours  seemed  to  lag  from  the 
first  dawn  of  that  eventful  day,  when  rest- 
less with  happiness  I  awoke  from  bright 
dreams  of  the  approaching  ball,  to  form  yet 
more  delightful  expectations,  until  the  clos- 
ing twilight  warned  me  it  was  time  to  com- 
mence my  toilette  !  Oh,  let  every  woman's 
heart  confess  what  secret  triumph  swells  in 
her  bosom,  when  her  mirror  reflects  a  form 
radiant  with  loveliness,  and  gathering  new 
beauty  from  each  succeeding  ornament  of 
its  fresh  and  tasteful  attire  !  I  remember  well 
the  tears  of  heartfelt  delight  that  glistened 
in  my  poor  father's  eyes  when  he  entered 


20  RECANTATION. 

the  room  just  as  the  last  roses  were  being 
fastened  in  my  hair :  and  his  proud  admir- 
ing look  when  I  stood  up  before  him,  that  he 
might  judge  of  my  appearance  ;  how  fondly 
he  kissed  my  forehead  as  he  called  me  his 
own  beautiful  Mary,  and  prophesied  that  I 
should  become  the  admiration  and  wonder 
of  Forence. 

As  we  ascended  the  noble  staircase  of 
the  Palazzo  Pitti,  and  passed  through  its 
splendid  ante-chambers  between  two  lines 
of  attendants,!  trembled  with  a  strange  mix- 
ture of  delight  and  awe,  and  drew  closer  to 
my  mother's  side ;  but  I  felt  completely 
dazzled  and  bewildered  with  the  intense 
brilliancy  of  light  that  burst  upon  us  when 
we  entered  the  ball-room.  I  have  often 
heard  it  remarked,  that  for  beauty  of  pro- 
portion and  the  chasteness  with  which  it  is 
decorated,  this  saloon  is  almost  unequalled, 
even  amongst  the  stateliest  palaces  of 
Europe.  Spiral  columns  of  lights  in  rich 
golden  candelabras  entwined  in  emerald 
foliage  rise  along  the  lofty  walls,  the  deli- 
cate white  bassi-relievi  of  which  form  a 
.softened  yet  brilliant  back-ground.  Gor- 


RECANTATION.  21 

geous  mirrors  reflect  on  every  side  the 
dazzling  scene,  while  thousands  of  sparkling 
jewels  seem  to  flash  and  grow  brighter 
amidst  the  surrounding  splendor.* 

I  had  scarcely  time  to  recover  from  my 
first  delight  and  astonishment,  ere  we  were 
ushered  into  another  noble  apartment  filled 
with  strangers,  awaiting  like  ourselves  the 
entrance  of  the  royal  family,  to  whom  we 
were  about  to  be  presented.  To  my  young 
and  inexperienced  mind,  the  state  and 
formality  observed  during  this  interval  ap- 
peared at  once  novel  and  imposing  ;  the 
different  foreign  ministers  and  members  of 
the  diplomatic  bodies,  with  their  friends, 
stood  in  groups  in  the  centre  of  the  room  con- 
versing in  an  under-tone,  whilst,  as  I  glanced 
around,  I  scarcely  noticed  the  attention  my 
presence  universally  excited,  in  the  trem- 
bling anxiety  with  which  I  awaited  the  ap- 
proach of  the  Ducal  Court. 

*  This  description  refers  to  the  celebrated  ball-room  on 
the  second  piano  of  the  palace  ;  the  New-Year's  fete  has 
of  late  been  given  in  the  large  saloon  on  the  first  floor,  ad- 
joining the  picture  gallery,  but  it  is  much  inferior  in  every 
respect. 


22  RECANTATION. 

At  length  the  folding  doors  at  the  lower 
end  were  thrown  open,  and  a  low  murmur 
of  voices,  succeeded  by  a  profound  silence, 
announced  the  presence  of  the  Grand  Duke, 
who  entered  surrounded  by  the  officers  of 
his  household,  all  in  brilliant  uniforms  and 
glittering  with  orders.  He  was  almost  im- 
mediately followed  by  his  consort,  An- 
toinetta  of  Naples,  her  cheerful  and  benevo- 
lent countenance  beaming  with  smiles  and 
good  humor.  A  few  steps  behind  walked 
the  Dowager  Grand  Duchess,  or  "La 
Vedova,"  as  she  is  commonly  termed  in 
Florence  ;  a  Saxon  Princess  of  dignified  and 
commanding  aspect,  with  a  shade  of  melan- 
choly clouding  her  fine  and  majestic  fea- 
tures. Beside  her  came  the  young  Arch- 
duchess Augusta,  the  Grand  Duke's  daugh- 
ter* by  a  former  wife,  who,  with  her 
lamented  mother's  gentleness  and  grace, 
has  also  inherited  that  transparent  delicacy 
of  complexion  and  reed-like  drooping  form, 

*  The  fears  at  one  period  entertained  for  this  interesting 
Princess  have  happily  proved  ill-founded.  She  was  married 
in  April,  1844,  to  Prince  Luitpold  of  Bavaria,  and  now  re- 
sides at  Munich. 


RECANTATION.  23 

which  almost  lead  to  the  apprehension,  that 
even  this  sweet  flower  may  be  nipped  in 
her  dawning  beauty,  like  two  fair  sisters  of 
equal  promise,  who  preceded  her*  Last  of 
the  regal  train  appeared  the  Grand  Duke's 
sister,  La  Gobbina^  loved  and  honored 
throughout  all  Tuscany,  notwithstanding 
the  sobriquet  which  so  unfeelingly  designates 
her  infirmity,  while  she  pursues  her  career 
of  unobtrusive  benevolence,  resigned,  and 
cheerful  and  uncomplaining. 

A  crowd  of  attendant  ladies,  all  of  the  no- 
blestfamilies  of  Florence,  encircled  the  Prin- 
cesses, who  passed  on  through  the  avenue 
formed  by  the  crowd,  bo  wing  courteously  on 
every  side,  but  not  pausing  to  address  any, 
excepting  those  who  had  already  attracted 
the  notice  of  the  Grand  Duke.  Among  so 
numerous  an  assemblage  it  was  impossible 
all  could  be  noticed,  and  a  few  only  who 
stood  in  the  foremost  ranks  were  honored 
by  a  passing  word.  I  was  stationed  beside 
my  parents  at  the  upper  end  of  the  saloon, 
and  the  Duke,  apparently  pleased  with  our 

*  The  Hunchback. 


24  RECANTATION. 

appearance,  paused  when  he  drew  near  us, 
attended  by  the  British  Minister,  then  Mr. 

F ,  who  had  successively  presented  all 

his  country-people,  and  addressed  himself 
to  my  father.  With  his  habitual  courtesy 
and  discernment  his  Imperial  Highness 
touched  on  the  subject  most  pleasing  to  a 
parent's  heart,  and  dwelt  in  admiring  terms 
upon  his  daughter.  The  Grand  Duchess 
now  joined  the  group,  and  paused  for  a  few 
moments  in  conversation  with  my  mother, 
who  was  still  a  lovely  woman,  in  the  me- 
ridian of  English  matronly  beauty  :  while 
the  young  Princess,  who  that  evening  made 
her  first  appearance  in  public,  turned  gent- 
ly and  hesitatingly  towards  me,  the  warm 
blood  mantling  in  her  snowy  forehead  and 
dyeing  her  delicate  throat  and  bosom  ;  as  if 
the  timidity  of  the  child  were  still  contend- 
ing with  the  grace  and  dignity  of  the  wo- 
man ;  and  so  pretty  was  the  conflict,  that 
none  who  gazed  upon  that  fair  young  face 
could  wish  it  closed,  or  seek  to  chase  the 
lingering  spirit  of  childhood,  which  cast  so 
sweet  an  influence  over  the  lovely  being 
from  whom  it  seemed  so  unwillingly  to  part. 


RECANTATION.  25 

All  eyes  were  now  drawn  upon  us,  for 
the  royal  condescension  confirmed  the  fa- 
vorable impression  we  had  already  pro- 
duced, and  that  moment  decided  the  de- 
butante's success ! 

Oh !  how  intoxicating  to  the  young,  is  it 
to  find  oneself  at  once  become  the  centre 
of  attraction  and  the  nucleus  of  admiration  ! 
To  feel  you  are  the  gaze  of  every  eye, — to 
hear  the  approving  murmur  that  follows 
your  appearance,  stealing  with  soft  witche- 
ry over  the  soul  like  incense  rising  from  an 
idol's  shrine !  To  have  entered  the  ball- 
room, as  I  did  that  night,  a  stranger  ;  and 
yet,  ere  half  an  hour  had  passed,  witness 
all  whom  it  contained,  most  distinguished, 
most  handsome,  or  most  fashionable,  crowd- 
ing around  my  chair,  each  vying  with  the 
other  in  their  eagerness  to  be  presented,  in 
their  solicitations  to  engage  me  for  the 
dance  !  Say,  is  not  this  enjoyment  ?  And 
does  not  the  bright  eye  grow  brighter  still 
beneath  its  influence,  the  glowing  cheek 
seem  yet  more  beautiful  ?  while  rosy  lips 
smile  as  they  never  smiled  before,  and  the 
joyous  heart  bounds  in  the  throbbing  bo- 


26  RECANTATION. 

som  with  happiness  so  intense,  that  any 
augmentation  of  it  would  surely  become 
painful.  "  Yes,  Florence  is  this  world's 
Paradise,  and  the  '  Pitti '  is  the  Paradise 
of  Florence,"  was  my  frequent  thought  as 
I  danced  blithely  through  the  evening  till 
night  wore  on,  and  the  music  sounded  for 
the  "  Cotillion ;"  the  concluding,  but  al- 
ways the  most  animated,  period  of  the  ball- 
room festivities. 

The  gay  crowd  had  now  partially  thin- 
ned, and  even  the  splendid  supper-rooms 
were  less  thronged  ;  for  many  of  the  Eng- 
lish, who  form  the  majority  of  their  fre- 
quenters, had  retired  weary  with  enjoy- 
ment, or  satiated,  as  the  Italians  constantly 
insinuate,  with  too  liberal  an  acknowledg- 
ment of  the  Grand  Duke's  hospitality  and 
profusion.  But  the  withdrawal  of  so  large 
a  proportion  of  the  guests  was  only  felt  as 
an  advantage,  as  greater  space  was  given 
to  display  the  younger  and  fairer  part  of 
the  brilliant  assemblage,  who  had  all  re- 
mained. 

A  momentary  stir  and  interruption  now 
took  place,  as  the  attendants  brought  in 


RECANTATION.  27 

crimson  velvet  tabourets,  with  deep  fringes 
of  gold,  which  were  ranged  for  the  dan- 
cers in  a  semi-circle,  fronting  the  court, 
who  occupied  seats  on  a  raised  platform  at 
the  upper  end  of  the  ball-room.  Again  the 
music  sounded,  and  the  inspiring  strains  of 
Strauss  seemed  to  find  an  echo  in  every 
heart  ; — I  turned  a  petitioning  glance  to- 
wards my  father,  for  he  had  previously 
hesitated  in  giving  his  consent  to  my  join- 
ing the  Cotillion,  and  I  tri'ed  to  read  in  the 
expression  of  his  countenance  whether  he 
still  meant  to  abide  by  this  determination. 
Charles  Harcourt  was  standing  beside  him, 
and  appeared  equally  anxious  for  his  deci- 
sion, although,  as  I  readily  conjectured, 
with  sensations  widely  different  from  those 
which  I  experienced. 

For  the  first  time  since  our  acquaintance 
I  did  not  feel  glad  to  meet  his  gaze,  for  I 
fancied  that  I  could  trace  coldness  and  re- 
proof in  his  speaking  eyes,  whilst  I  well 
knew  that  if  his  secret  wishes  could  be  fol- 
lowed, my  petition  would  inevitably  be  re- 
jected. I  had  seen  but  little  of  him  during 
the  evening,  for  although  he  constantly 


28  RECANTATION. 

hovered  near  me,  I  was  too  much  occupied 
with  the  excite meut  and  novelty  of  the 
scene,  and  engrossed  with  the  flatteries  of 
my  partners,  to  notice  his  quiet  and  unob- 
trusive attentions.  He  did  not  dance,  for 
he  considered  it  incompatible  with  the  grav- 
ity of  his  future  pursuits  ;  and  this,  in  the 
estimation  of  a  Florentine  ball-room,  was  a 
deficiency  which  a  thousand  estimable  qual- 
ities could  scarcely  atone  for ;  while  the 
contemplative  and  poetic  language  to  which 
I  had  so  often  listened  with  delight  seemed 
tame  and  insipid,  compared  to  the  gay  and 
complimentary  badinage  of  those  by  whom 
I  now  found  myself  surrounded. 

The  tacit  disapproval  perceptible  in  his 
contenance  only  made  me  doubly  bent  on 
gratifying  my  wish,  and  I  renewed  my  en- 
treaties to  my  indulgent  father,  whose  reso- 
lution had  already  begun  to  waver ;  when 
the  earnest  persuasions  of  a  handsome  young 
Roman  Marchese,  the  most  distingue  person 
and  unrivalled  waltzer  in  Florence,  finally 
overcame  every  scruple,  and  a  pleased 
smile  conveyed  his  welcome  permission. 

My  partner  was  leading  me    away   in 


RECANTATION.  29 

triumph  when  I  accidently  looked  back  ; 
and  the  sight  of  Harcourt's  face,  clouded  by 
an  expression  of  bitter  sorrow  and  disap- 
pointment, induced  me  to  pause  with  a  feel- 
ing of  regret,  that  in  the  midst  of  my  own 
happiness  any  one  should,  on  my  account, 
feel  aught  like  vexation  or  displeasure. 
Yielding  at  once  to  the  impulse  of  the  mo- 
ment, I  extended  my  hand  to  him,  and  said 
gaily,  "  Good  night,  Mr.  Harcourt ;  and 
though  you  would  not  dance  with  me  to- 
night, promise  at  least  to  come  and  see  us 
early  to  morrow,  when  I  can  have  the  plea- 
sure of  talking  over  the  events  of  this  eve- 
ning with  you,  which  will  enhance  all  my  en- 
joyment." I  saw  the  delighted  smile  which  lit 
up  his  noble  countenance  as  I  spoke  ;  but 
the  impatient  Marchese  would  not  allow 
me  await  his  reply,  and  hurrying  me  on- 
wards, we  took  our  seats  amongst  the  dan- 
cers. 

It  is  a  dazzling  sight,  that  "  Pitti "  Co- 
tillion, with  one  hundred  persons  perhaps 
joining  in  its  fairy  mazes  ;  occasionally  the 
whole  fifty  couple  circling  in  the  rapid 
waltz  which  had  lately  been  introduced  in 


30  RECANTATION. 

Italy,  at  other  times  performing  graceful 
figures,  in  which  part  only  are  engaged  ; 
whilst  the  remainder  sit  still,  and  gather 
fresh  strength  for  continuing  the  dance, 
which  is  often  protracted  for  two  or  three 
hours,  until  the  Grand  Duchess  gives  the 
signal  for  its  conclusion. 

As  no  dance  possesses  half  its  powers 
of  fascination,  so  none  is  more  dangerous  or 
baneful  in  its  effects.  To  the  Cotillion, 
much — oh!  very  much — of  women's  modes- 
ty, of  that  retiring  delicacy,  which  should 
shrink  from  the  promiscuous  touch  and 
contact  of  the  crowd,  has  fallen  victim  ! 
The  timid  English  girl,  led  on  by  general 
excitement  and  example,  soon  forgets  all 
her  native  reserve,  and  is  unconsciously  in- 
duced to  emulate  the  follies  of  those  around 
her.  If  she  be  admired  and  a  good  walt- 
zer,  her  danger  and  temptations  are  trebly 
increased  ;  for  she  is  then  selected  as  an 
universal  object  of  attraction,  and  the  aim 
of  all  the  leading  fashionables  is  to  secure 
her  for  an  occasional  tour.  No  refusal  can 
be  admitted — no  discrimination  exercised, 
where  chance  alone  determines  which  of 


RECANTATION.  31 

the  two  cavaliers  led  towards  her  she  is  to 
take  a  giro  with  in  the  waltz  ;  and  flattered 
by  seeing  herself  thus  repeatedly  chosen,  in 
her  turn  she  becomes  fastidious,  and  selects 
those  whom  general  opinion  has  proclaimed 
most  recherche  and  distinguished. 

Amongst  these,  are  men  to  whom  ru- 
mor points  as  stained  with  a  thousand  vi- 
ces ;  yet  in  this  promiscuous  dance  their 
arm  will  often  encircle  the  waist,  and  clasp 
the  youthful  form  of  the  bright  and  bloom- 
ing creature,  to  whose  pure  mind  even  the 
name  of  sin  is  as  yet  comparatively  un- 
known. Night  after  night,  throughout  the 
Florence  carnival,  is  the  Cotillion  always 
the  concluding  and  favorite  dance ;  repeat- 
ed opportunities  of  meeting  are  thus  afford- 
ed, and  infallibly  lead  to  an  acquaintance 
from  which,  at  the  onset  of  the  season,  a 
parent's  heart  would  have  shrunk  to  expose 
his  child. 

Oh,  fatal  has  been  the  introduction  of 
this  dance  to  many  a  woman's  peace ! 
Cruelly  has  it  blighted  the  flower  and 
promise  of  many  a  youthful  heart,  and 
awakened  feelings  of  envy  or  reckless  pride 


32  RECANTATION. 

in  a  hitherto  guileless  bosom.  Fatal,  most 
fatal  has  it  proved  to  me — and  bitterly  do  I 
lament  the  hour  when  first  I  joined  its  bril- 
liant circles. 

But  enough  of  this — at  that  time  I  felt 
nought  save  happiness,  so  wild,  so  intense, 
so  extravagant,  that  language  would  fail  in 
any  attempt  to  describe  it.  All  was  novel- 
ty, enthusiasm,  and  delight.  Even  after 
our  return  home,  when  at  length  I  had  dis- 
missed my  maid,  and  mechanically  kneel- 
ing by  the  bed-side  I  strove  to  repeat  my 
customary  prayers,  wild  strains  of  music 
yet  resounded  through  the  chamber,  and 
gay  groups  of  dancers  seemed  flitting  be- 
fore me.  I  covered  my  face  with  my  hands 
to  endeavor  to  destroy  the  illusion,  but 
even  the  darkness  was  peopled  with  radi- 
ant forms  ;  the  beaming  faces  so  lately  seen, 
appeared  again  to  smile  upon  me,  and  the 
whispered  flattery  I  had  then  heard  for  the 
first  time  poured  its  honeyed  sweetness 
once  more  into  my  ears  and  mingled  its  ac- 
cents with  my  petitions.  I  could  not  pray 
— the  heart  was  in  too  wild  a  chaos,  and  I 
sought  my  pillow  ;  but  even  there  sleep 


RECANTATION.  33 

came  fanned  with  such  bright  and  life-like 
dreams,  that  it  seemed  but  a  continuance 
of  the  excitement  of  my  waking  hours. 

That  evening  was  but  the  prelude  to  a 
career  of  insatiate  dissipation,  which  only 
gathered  fresh  stimulus  from  each  brilliant 
fete  at  which,  night  after  night,  we  were 
present ;  and  from  whence  we  rarely  return- 
ed to  our  home  till  the  morning's  dawn 
tinged  even  the  dark  wintry  sky.  The 
day-time  brought  no  leisure  for  reflection, 
or  abatement  for  that  thirst  for  society  and 
amusement  which  ere  long  became  habi- 
tual ;  our  drawing-room  was  always  filled 
with  visitors  until  three  or  four  in  the  after- 
noon, when  the  carriage  was  announced, 
and  we  almost  invariably  ended  our  daily 
round  of  visits  by  a  drive  to  the  beautiful 
"  Cascine,"  the  rendezvous  of  all  that  is 
gay,  or  would-be  fashionable  in  Florence. 

I  was  here  always  followed  by  a  crowd 
of  admirers,  who  either  attended  us  when 
we  promenaded  on  the  beautiful  walk  that 
skirts  the  river,  or  surrounded  our  carriage 
when  we  drew  up  on  the  square  in  front  of 


34  RECANTATION. 

the  Grand  Duke's  Dairy  or  Summer   Pa- 
lace. 

It  has  long  been  an  established  custom 
among  the  Florentines,  after  they  have  end- 
ed their  drive  amongst  the  woods  and  in- 
closures  of  the  "  Cascine,"  to  stop  awhile 
on  this  piazza,  which  towards  sunset  is 
thronged  by  carriages  of  every  description, 
and  by  numbers  of  persons  both  on  foot  and 
horseback  :  while  the  picturesque  appear- 
ance of  the  flower  girls,  with  their  baskets 
of  beautiful  camelias,  mingled  fearlessly 
among  the  crowd,  gives  variety  and  anima- 
tion to  the  scene. 

No  ball-room  or  conversazione  ever  af- 
forded greater  scope  for  rendering  homage 
to  the  reigning  belles  of  the  season ;  and 
owing,  I  presume,  to  the  publicity  and  eclat 
of  any  attentions  receive  here,  more  than  or- 
dinary solicitude  is  displayed  in  the  en- 
deavor to  obtain  them.  There  is  surely 
some  spell,  some  enchantment  in  the  very 
air  of  this  spot,  which  draws  all  people  to 
the  same  focus  of  worldliness  and  folly ; 
for  English  mothers  may  here  be  daily  seen 


RECANTATION.  35 

exposing  their  quiet,  unpretending  daughters 
to  unmerited  mortification  and  neglect,  in 
the  fruitless  effort  to  obtain  a  little  of  the 
notice  and  popularity  which  they  evidently 
consider  the  very  acme  of  felicity.  With  all  the 
reckless  gaiety  of  youth,  I  have  often  con- 
trasted my  position,  encircled  by  all  that 
Florence  possessed  most  noble  or  recherche, 
with  the  forlorn  appearance  presented  by 
some  carriage  drawn  up  amongst  the  rest, 
whose  occupants  remained  solitary  and  un- 
noticed, vainly  endeavoring  to  obtain  the 
attention  of  some  passer-by ;  and  I  have 
laughed  to  witness  their  looks  of  disappoint- 
ment when  all  their  smiles  and  beckonings 
were  only  rewarded  by  a  flight  and  dis- 
dainful bow,  as  the  fastidious  exquisite 
passed  on  to  some  more  attractive  quarter. 
In  after-times,  when  the  sunshine  of  my 
life  became  forever  clouded,  and  tears  and 
dark  forebodings  took  the  place  of  smiles,  I 
have  grieved  to  behold  the  daily  recurrence 
of  such  scenes,  and  mourned  over  the  in- 
fatuation which  leads  so  many  English  mo- 
thers thus  to  degrade  their  daughters  by 
constantly  exposing  them  to  mortifications 


36  RECANTATION. 

such  as  I  have  described,  in  the  attempt  to 
secure  the  brief  passing  notice  of  a  set  of 
vain  and  heartless  coxcombs  ;  whilst  even 
should  their  wish  be  gratified,  and  this  en- 
vied distinction  obtained,  their  name  and 
appearance,  from  constantly  frequenting  this 
place  of  general  resort,  become  so  hackneyed 
and  blase,  as  to  render  them  a  familiar 
topic  of  conversation  and  remark  at  all  the 
cafes  and  tables  d'hote  "  in  Florence. 

"I  am  so  tired  of  the  fascine,'  "  I  once 
heard  a  sweet  English  girl  remark ;  "I 
wish  mamma  would  not  take  us  there  every 
day,  merely  to  look  pleased  and  delighted 
at  every  gentleman  that  passes,  as  if  to  say, 
'  Pray,  sir,  deign  to  come  and  speak  to  us.'" 

It  is  indeed  a  subject  of  surprise,  how 
much  time  and  ingenuity  are  devoted  by 
many  mothers  in  securing  for  their  daugh- 
ters the  dangerous  distinction  of  ball-room 
popularity;  whilst  half  of  those  exertions,  if 
judiciously  directed,  would  qualify  the  ob- 
jects of  their  solicitude  for  a  more  useful 
and  far  happier  career,  and  teach  them  to 
seek  in  the  sanctity  and  domestic  peace  of 
a  British  home,  and  the  high  calling  of  a 


RECANTATION.  37 

British  wife  and  mother,  for  the  only  real 
enjoyments  of  existence. 

One  night  at  the  court-ball  I  accidentally 
overheard  a  dialogue  between  a  lady  and 
her  pretty,  quiet-looking  daughter,  which 
impressed  me  at  the  time  with  so  keen  a 
sense  of  the  ridiculous,  that  the  lapse  of 
years  has  not  been  able  to  efface  it  from 
my  mind ;  and  I  now  recall  it  as  strongly 
illustrative  of  the  feelings  and  opinions  to 
which  I  have  been  alluding. 

The  young  girl  appeared  endeavoring 
to  pacify  her  mother,  who  was  in  a  state  of 
great  irritation  and  excitement ;  every  now 
and  then  rising  from  her  seat,  and  tossing 
her  plumed  head  over  the  shoulders  of  the 
gentlemen  who  stood  before  her,  so  as  bet- 
ter to  observe  the  movements  of  the  dancers, 
who  were  assembling  for  the  quadrille. 

"Stand  up,  Fanny,"  she  said  at  length, 
turning  sharply  towards  her  daughter. 
"  Stand  up.  Who  is  to  find  you  out  poked 
into  that  corner?  Stand  up, I  say,  and  then 
perhaps  you  will  be  seen  and  get  a  partner." 

"Indeed,  mamma,"  was  the  gentle  an- 


38  RECANTATION. 

swer,  "  I  don't  at  all  mind  not  dancing ;  I 
am  quite  happy  looking  on." 

"  Don't  mind,  indeed  !  but  I  do  !  I  can  tell 
you  that  it  isn't  very  pleasant  to  a  mother's 
feelings  to  see  her  daughter  sitting  still,  dance 
after  dance,  for  half  the  evening ;  and  if 
you  had  any  natural  affection  for  me,  Fan- 
ny, you  would  try  and  set  yourself  off  to  the 
best  advantage,  and  not  expose  me  to  all 
this  mortification.  Get  up,  child ;  there  is 
young  count  Leoncino  coming  this  way, 
who  knows  if  he  may  not  ask  you  ?  " 

"  Hush  !  hush !  dear  mamma,"  said  the 
poor  girl,  rising  as  she  was  desired,  while 
she  blushed  the  deepest  crimson.  "  Pray 
don't  speak  so  loud — he  will  certainly  over- 
hear you  !  " 

"It  wrould  not  much  signify  if  he  did," 
rejoined  the  matron  in  a  tone  of  disappoint- 
ment, "  for  there  he  is,  leading  out  one  of  the 
Miss  Millingtons  !  I  don't  know  how  those 
girls  manage  ;  there  are  three  of  them,  and 
yet  they  seem  always  engaged.  I'll  tell 
you  what,  Fanny — unless  you  brighten  up 
a  little,  and  make  yourself  more  agreeable 


RECANTATION.  39 

to  the  young  men,  I  shall  leave  you  at  home 
for  the  rest  of  the  season.  You  must  talk 
— just  look  how  the  Lennoxes  are  talking 
away  opposite — men  don't  choose  to  dance 
with  girls  now-a-days,  unless  they  find  them 
entertaining." 

"But  really,  mamma,  I  never  know 
what  to  talk  about ;  they  have  no  subjects 
of  interest  in  common  with  me,— they  don't 
care  about  books — or  ..." 

"  Books  and  nonsense  !  Fanny  !  I  might 
as  well  set  up  a  Greek  Lexicon  in  a  ball- 
room as  you,  for  one  is  really  as  inanimate 
as  the  other !  Talk  of  the  Opera — the 
'Cascine' — the  Galleries — the  balls  you 
have  been  at — talk  of  any  thing  that  your 
partners  can  understand,  and  try  to  suit 
your  conversation  to  their  taste.  You 
should  always  looked  pleased  at  whatever 
they  say  ;  when  they  laugh  at  any  observa- 
tion they  have  just  made,  mind  and  laugh 
too,  even  if  you  should  not  discover  the  wit 
of  what  they  have  been  saying,  and  so  by 
degrees  you  will  get  the  character  of  a  live- 
ly, intelligent  girl." 

"Very   well,    mamma,    I'll    try,"    said 


40  RECANTATION. 

Fanny,  submissively,  as  she  again  made  an 
attempt  to  resume  her  seat. 

"Stay  here,"  audibly  insisted  her  an- 
gry parent ;  "  stay  here,  miss,  whilst  I  tell 
you  for  the  hundredth  time  of  that  awkward 
trick  of  tumbling  your  dress  so  shamefully 
when  you  sit  down,  that  really  when  you 
get  up  again  you  are  not  fit  to  be  seen. 
Why  don't  you  spread  it  out  gracefully  on 
each  side  of  you,  as  you  see  I  do  ?  And 
then  the  way  you  crumple  up  your  hand- 
kerchief, and  your  clumsiness  in  holding 
your  nosegay  and  fan — really  it  is  altogether 
heart-rending ! " 

"I  know,  mamma,  that  it  all  comes 
from  my  want  of  grace  ;  but  it  is  difficult 
to  manage  so  many  things  cleverly  without 
some  practice.  When  I  am  more  used  to 
going  out,  I  hope  I  shall  do  better." 

"I  do  indeed  hope  so!"  answered  her 
mother  dubiously  ; — "I  wish  too  you  could 
get  over  that  flushing.  Dear  me !  what  a 
dreadful  color  you  have  got !  I  wish  you 
had  one  of  those  pale  skins  that  look  so  well 
by  candle-iight,  and  never  suffer  from  the 
heat  of  a  ball-room  ! — Hold  your  bouquet 


RECANTATION.  41 

• 

close  to  your  face,  my  dear  ; — those  scarlet 
Camelias  will  soften  down  your  complexion 
a  little." 

At  this  moment  a  sudden  change  came 
over  the  desponding  mother ;  she  turned 
eagerly  to  her  daughter,  and  said  in  an  en- 
couraging tone — "  Now,  my  dear,  look 
pleased  and  smiling.  Don't  you  see  young 
Lumley  coming  towards  us  ?  he  has  dined 
twice  with  us  lately,  so  I  really  think  he 
means  to  ask  you  for  this  quadrille  !" 

The  object  of  her  solicitude,  a  young 
man  with  a  long  neck  and  vacant  eyes, 
now  slowly  approached  them.  He  was 
elaborately  dressed  in  the  last  Parisian 
fashion,  with  a  rose-colored  silk  lining  to 
the  embroidered  folds  of  his  shirt,  which 
was  decorated  with  a  large  carbuncle  set 
in  an  eagle's  claw,  connected  by  a  slender 
Venetian  chain  to  a  gorgeous  encrustation 
of  turquoises.  Advancing  with  languor  and 
irresolution,  he  seemed  debating  whether 
the  return  he  was  evidently  now  expected 
to  make,  did  not  outweigh  the  amount  of 
any  trifling  obligation  he  might  have  incur- 


42  RECANTATION. 

red  ;  once  or  twice  even  pausing,  and  rais- 
ing his  glass  to  his  eye,  apparently  in 
search  of  any  other  young  lady  to  whom  he 
could  transfer  his  attentions.  The  music 
for  the  quadrille  had  now  commenced,  and 
the  poor  mamma  bit  her  lips  with  undis- 
guised impatience,  which  soon  however 
changed  into  exultation  as  the  elegant  drew 
towards  Fanny,  and  in  a  few  unintelligible 
words  requested  the  pleasure  of  dancing 
with  her.  No  time  was  to  be  lost,  and  a 
monitory  push  from  her  mother  caused  the 
poor  blushing  girl  to  spring  from  her  seat, 
and  place  her  crimsoned  arm  within  that 
of  the  young  man,  almost  before  he  had 
ceased  speaking.  He  then,  gracefully  de- 
positing his  hat  and  gold  headed  baguette 
beneath  her  chair,  led  her  towards  the  dan- 
cers, while  mamma  hastily  followed  to 
shake  out  the  folds  of  her  voluminous  and 
tumbled  dress. 

At  that  moment  my  own  partner,  Prince 
P.,  hastened  me  away ;  but  I  still  caught  a 
glimpse  of  the  delight  painted  in  the  anx- 
ious parent's  countenance,  as  she  sank  back 


RECANTATION,  43 

in  her  chair,  inexpressibly  relieved  at  hav- 
ing so  far  overcome  the  arduousness  of 
her  chaperonial  duties. 

The  commencement  of  the  Carnival 
had  found  me  a  joyous  and  simple-hearted 
girl ;  ere  its  conclusion,  I  had  become  the 
worshipped  of  a  courtly  train,  the  idol  of  a 
brilliant  society, — and  involved  in  an  un- 
ceasing round  of  amusement  and  dissipa- 
tion ;  and  I  had  already  learnt  to  look  with 
dread  upon  any  mode  of  life,  that  did  not 
hold  out  the  same  inducements  to  pleasure 
or  excitement. 

Our  family  were  general  favorites,  and 
universally  sought  after  by  the  noblest 
Florentines ;  who  usually  fastidious  and  re- 
served in  cultivating  any  acquaintance 
amongst  the  English  travellers,  had  warm- 
ly responded  to  the  letters  of  introduction 
with  which  we  had  been  furnished  by  in- 
fluential friends  in  England.  My  poor  dear 
father — am  I  not  wrong  to  say  aught  against 
him,  who,  if  he  erred,  erred  from  excess  of 
love  towards  me? — seemed  intoxicated  with 
the  success  and  admiration  which  had  attend- 
ed my  debut,  and  all  his  former  partiality  in 


44  RECANTATION. 

favor  of  the  Italians  revived  from  the  flat- 
tering preference  they  awarded  to  his  dar- 
ling child.  Each  day  he  became  more  ener- 
getic in  his  praises  of  Florence,  and  louder  in 
his  regrets  that  I  should  ever  be  doomed  to 
exchange  the  fascinations  of  my  present  po- 
sition, for  the  formality  and  constraint  of 
the  boursier  aristocracy  of  London. 

During  his  youth  and  early  residence  in 
Italy,  he  had  been  thrown  into  the  society 
of  several  of  the  English  nobility  then  abroad ; 
and  on  his  return  home,  it  had  been  his 
constant  effort  in  some  measure  to  keep  up 
the  acquaintance  thus  commenced.  Being 
a  man  of  cultivated  mind,  with  consider- 
able knowledge  of  the  fine  arts,  he  was  still 
occasionally  noticed  by  them,  particularly 
where  his  continental  experience  could 
prove  useful  to  any  scion  of  these  noble 
houses,  who  might  chance  to  be  on  the  eve 
of  commencing  his  travels.  The  utmost, 
however,  to  which  these  civilities  extended, 
was  an  occasional  invitation  to  dinner,  ei- 
ther when  the  family  were  alone,  or  had  ask- 
ed two  or  three  guests  to  meet  him  whose 
acquaintance  they  had  made  in  a  similar 


RECANTATION.  45 

manner ;  but  slighting  and  disdainful  as 
this  might  appear,  its  only  effect  upon  my 
father  was  to  give  him  a  stronger  zest  to 
penetrate  further  into  the  charmed  circle, 
from  which  the  middle  classes  in  England 
are  in  general  so  rigorously  excluded. 

In  our  present  position  a  favorable  op- 
portunity was  afforded  us  of  intercourse 
with  the  numbers  of  English  aristocracy 
then  sojourning  in  Florence,  who  seeing  us 
thus  noticed  and  caressed  by  the  Italians, 
did  not  deem  it  derogatory  to  cultivate  our 
acquaintance ;  and  my  father's  proudest 
wish  was  at  length  gratified,  by  seeing  his 
family  placed  on  terms  of  intimacy  with 
some  of  the  noblest  families  of  the  British 
peerage.  Ephemeral  as  our  intercourse 
with  the  latter  was  likely  to  prove,  it  did 
not  promise  to  be  so  with  the  nobility  of 
Tuscany  ;  and  a  secret  impulse  often  sug- 
gested to  me,  that  it  would  be  easy  to  se- 
cure a  permanent  footing  in  that  galaxy  of 
rank  and  enjoyment ;  whilst  visions  of  a 
Marchesa's  coronet —  at  first  vague  and  in- 
distinct, but  gathering  truth  and  consistency 


46"  RECANTATION. 

from  reflection — floated  constantly  before 
me. 

This  is,  perhaps,  the  fatal  bait  which 
lures  so  many  young  Englishwomen  of  the 
middle  classes  on  to  their  destruction  ;  for 
it  is  useless  to  deny  that  the  brilliant  circles 
in  which  they  are  often  thrown  whilst  on 
the  continent,  present  a  striking  contrast  to 
the  frigid  and  artificial  society  that  awaits 
them  on  their  return  to  England.  A  girl  in 
the  bloom  of  youth  and  beauty,  after  the 
wild  delight  and  excitement  of  a  season  in 
an  Italian  capital,  can  scarcely  appreciate 
the  simple  routine  of  domestic  enjoyments 
which  an  English  hearth  affords.  Its  rigid 
code  of  morality,  also,  though  taught  by 
early  habit  and  example,  now  appears  un- 
charitable and  overstrained  ;  for  it  is  but  too 
true  that  each  day,  to  those  who  mix  much 
in  the  gay  circles  of  the  continent,  brings 
additional  carelessness  and  levity,  on  sub- 
jects which,  in  Britain,  scarce  ever  gain  ad- 
mission into  the  spotless  purity  of  a  maid- 
en's mind. 

Yes,  beautiful  Florence,  City  of  Flowers ! 


RECANTATION.  47 

Love  revels  amid  thy  fairy  palaces,  and 
Pleasure  here  presides  with  undisputed 
sway  !  She  weaves  chaplets  of  thy  roses  to 
crown  her  numerous  votaries  ;  she  proffers 
the  chalice  laden  with  thy  sweets,  and 
they  swallow  with  avidity  the  intoxicating 
draught.  What  if  the  wreath  contain  a 
subtle  sting,  or  the  goblet  a  deadly  poison  ? 
Away !  away  with  such  ascetic  thoughts ! 
such  pertain  to  those  who  have  outlived 
enjoyment — not  to  the  gay,  the  young,  the 
beautiful !  No ;  let  these  run  their  bright 
career  unchecked  and  uncontrolled ;  let 
them  grace  the  brilliant  ball-room,  and 
throng  the  crowded  promenade,  until  the 
charm  be  broken,  the  dream  dispelled,  and 
they  be  left  with  the  same  dark  heritage  as 
I — a  broken  heart,  and  the  prospect  of  an 
early  grave  ! 

One  friend  alone — one  true  and  faithful 
friend — still  hovered  near  me  ;  who,  had  I 
heeded  his  warnings  and  advice,  would 
still  have  snatched  me  from  impending  ruin: 
but  I  was  deaf  to  his  counsels,  and  the 
voice  of  Harcourt  almost  ceased  to  be  wel- 
come to  my  ear.  I  fancied  that  I  could 


48  RECANTATION. 

detect  sadness  and  reproach  in  his  coun- 
tenance, as  I  grew  impatient  at  the  serious 
tone  his  manner  had  unconsciously  assumed: 
I  had  now  learnt  to  prefer  the  gay  and  sun- 
ny Florentines  to  the  reserved  and  haughty 
Englishman;  whose  lips  alone  were  silent, 
amid  the  unbounded  flattery  and  adultation 
which  were  lavished  upon  me.  And  yet, 
with  all  a  woman's  heartless  vanity,  I 
triumphed  at  seeing  how  completely  en- 
slaved and  devoted  to  me  he  had  become ; 
for,  although  slighted  and  neglected,  he 
still  continued  his  visits ;  whilst  one  bright 
smile,  one  winning  word,  could  at  any  time 
dispel  the  gloom  that  had  gathered  on  his 
brow,  and  more  closely  rivet  the  fetters  I 
had  thrown  around  him. 

About  this  time,  rumor  began  to  unite 
my  name  with  that  of  the  young  Roman 
Marchese,  who,  from  the  night  of  our  first 
meeting  at  the  "Hitti,"  engrossed  a  larger 
portion  of  my  giddy  thoughts  than  I  award- 
ed to  any  other  of  my  titled  admirers. 

Gifted  with  a  handsome  face  and  com- 
manding figure,  pleasing  and  graceful  man- 
ners, and  a  gay  and  animated  disposition, 


RECANTATION.  49 

Annibale  Trionfi  was  il  Cavaliere  piu  ricer- 
cato,*  as  well  as  the  most  unrivalled  waltz- 
er  in  Florence.  He  rapidly  won  upon  my 
notice,  and  flattered  my  vanity  by  the 
anxiety  he  always  displayed  to  secure  me 
as  a  partner  ;  and  the  Cotillion  we  invaria- 
bly danced  together.  This  gave  oppor- 
tunities for  cultivating  an  acquaintance 
which  soon  led  to  his  being  a  constant  and 
ever  welcome  visitor  at  our  house,  and 
lent  sufficient  coloring  to  the  general  re- 
port of  our  being  engaged.  Although  I 
laughed  at  these  surmises,  my  heart  con- 
fessed that  such  an  event  was  far  from  im- 
probable ;  as  Trionfi,  all  ardor  and  im- 
petuosity, seemed  only  awaiting  a  favor- 
able opportunity,  to  declare  his  attachment. 
That  Charles  Harcourt  was  no  stranger 
to  these  rumors  I  easily  divined,  from  his 
looks  of  unutterable  misery,  whenever  he 
called  and  found  Trionfi  in  our  drawing- 
room  ;  sometimes  stationed  beside  me  at 
the  harp,  or  leaning  familiarly  over  my 
embroidery  frame.  Occasionally  his  better 

*  The  partner  most  prized. 


50  RECANTATION. 

judgment  seemed  to  struggle  against  the 
influence  of  his  hopeless  passion  ;  and  he 
appeared  as  if  determined  to  fly  at  once 
from  my  presence,  and  bid  me  for  ever 
farewell.  But  I  could  ill  brook  any  abate- 
ment of  my  power ;  nor  yet,  on  the  other 
hand,  support  the  idea  of  his  leaving  me  in 
displeasure  ;  for,  amidst  all  my  folly,  I  still 
retained  for  him  an  esteem  and  respect  that 
made  me  reluctant  to  forfeit  his  good  opin- 
ion, or  to  resign  entirely  all  interest  in  his 
heart. 

One  morning  he  called  earlier  than 
usual,  and  was  ushered  into  the  drawing- 
room,  where  he  found  me  alone :  his  man- 
ner appeared  hurried  and  agitated,  and  he 
told  me  he  was  come  to  bid  us  adieu  be- 
fore starting  for  England. 

"  Are  you  then  about  to  leave  us,  Mr. 
Harcourt?"  I  exclaimed,  and  my  counte- 
nance showed  that  I  was  really  concerned 
— "  Oh,  do  not  go  so  soon,  for  we  cannot 
afford  to  lose  our  best  friends  thus  sud- 
denly !" 

"Wherever  Miss  Howard  may  be,  she 
will  surely  possess  friends,  and  Heaven . 


RECANTATION.  51 

grant  they  prove  as  sincerely  and  truly  her 
well-wishers  as  myself." 

"  Indeed,  indeed,"  I  said,  while  my 
eyes  involuntarily  filled  with  tears,  "I  feel 
you  have  always  been  most  kind,  as  well 
as  most  sincere ;  and  if  occasionally  I  seem- 
ed a  little  petulant  and  wayward  when  you 
gave  me  advice,  I  hope  you  will  forgive 
me,  Mr.  Harcourt,  and  sometimes  think  of 
the  wilful  girl  you  used  to  school  so  gently. 
We  part  friends — do  we  not  ?"  As  I  spoke 
I  extended  my  hand  towards  him,  which, 
to  my  surprise,  he  passionately  kissed  j  and 
then,  retaining  it  within  his  own, — 

"  Mary,  dear  Mary,"  he  said  in  a  low 
musical  voice,  the  remembrance  of  which, 
even  now,  thrills  through  my  brain,  "  you 
know — you  have  long  known — how  deeply, 
how  fervently  I  love  you ;  and,  if  I  have 
hitherto  been  silent,  it  was  because  all  hope 
had  long  since  fled ;  and  I  could  not  sum- 
mon courage  irrevocably  to  know  my  fate. 
But  now  may  I  dare  to  plead  my  cause, 
and  offer  you  a  heart  whose  every  joy  is 
centred  in  you — whose  only  study  would 
be  your  happiness  ?  I  am  not  worthy  of 


52  RECANTATION. 

you,  sweet  Mary,  yet  despise  me  not  for 
that — this  very  feeling  would  but  render 
me  more  completely  yours.  You  have  not 
heard  from  me  the  language  of  adoration 
which  others  lavish  upon  you ;  but  oh ,  my  love 
is  far  deeper,  and  far,  very  far,  more  sincere ! 
I  have  listened  to  each  word  that  fell  from 
your  lips,  and  treasured  its  echoes  like 
music  to  my  soul ;  I  have  gazed  upon  your 
angel-face,  till  I  seemed  to  read  the  spirit 
that  spoke  within.  I  have  suffered,  oh  ! 
tortures,  when  I  feared  your  young  and 
guileless  nature  was  being  perverted  by 
the  artificial  glare  of  your  present  position. 
But  forgive  rne,  most  beautiful  and  loved  ! 
forgive  me  for  permitting  even  a  wandering 
thought  to  blame  you  !  And  now,  if  I  am 
not  deceived — if  that  sweet  look,  those  hea- 
venly tears,  have  not  been  misinterpreted — 

if  I  may  dare  to  hope  " And  as  he 

spoke,  growing  more  earnest  in  his  impas- 
sioned pleadings,  he  drew  closer  towards 
me,  whilst  I,  mute  and  conscience-stricken, 
did  not  venture  to  reply.  "  Say,  might  I 
dare  to  hope  that  one  day  it  may  be  given 
me  to  call  you  mine,  and  prove,  by  a  life  of 


RECANTATION.  53 

entire  devotion,  my  gratitude  for  the  price- 
less boon  ?  .  .  .  Speak,  Mary — speak — but 
one  word,  and  make  me  blessed  for  ever!" 

I  hastily  turned  from  him,  whilst  my 
blanched  and  quivering  lips  strove  to  utter  a 
refusal.  Broken  and  inarticulate  as  were 
the  sounds,  he  heard  them  but  too  plainly  ; 
and  I  never,  never  shall  forget  the  look  of 
intense  and  reproachful  sorrow  which  then 
clouded  his  face,  nor  the  calm  manliness 
and  simplicity  of  his  concluding  address. 

"It  is  enough,"  he  said  bitterly;  "  and 
it  was  fitting  that  one  who  could  be  sway- 
ed and  influenced  to  the  last  by  a  woman's 
smile,  should  find  the  feeble  strand  had 
snapped  to  which  his  fondest  hopes  were 
bound,  and  shipwreck  made  of  all  his 
happiness  on  earth  !"  But  almost  instantly 
this  unwonted  sternness  forsook  him,  and 
his  voice,  although  trembling  with  emotion, 
sank  to  its  usual  soft  and  melodious  ac- 
cents. 

"Farewell!  farewell,  Miss  Howard; 
we  now  forever  part !  You  have  told  me 
frankly  and  explicitly  that  you  could  give 
no  hope — that  your  resolution  is  irrevocable 


54  RECANTATION. 

— say,  is  it  so  ?"  My  lips  moved  to  con- 
firm my  previous  decision.  "  Yes !"  he 
resumed,  "  farewell  it  then  must  be — a 
long,  a  sad  farewell !  I  shall  never  see 
you  more,  sweet  Mary,  in  our  own  Eng- 
land, where  I  would  have  you  dwell — its 
fairest  flower !  You  have  fixed  on  the 
bright  south  for  your  abode,  and  Italy,  you 
tell  me,  is  now  your  destined  home.  Heav- 
en grant  its  glad  and  sunny  skies  will  ever 
shine  reflected  in  your  own  dear  heart — 
that  they  who  henceforth  are  to  be  your 
chosen  friends,  with  their  sweet  and  flow- 
ery words,  bright  and  sparkling  as  their 
fairy  clime,  will  prove  as  constant  and  sin- 
cere as  the  cold  and  despised  Englishman ; 
and  may  he  to  whom  you  have  given  your 
young  affections,  value  them  as  highly,  and 
love  you  but  half  so  well,  as  I.  Once  more 
— once  more,  farewell!" 

Again  he  took  my  hand,  pressed  on  it  a 
long,  fervent,  lingering  kiss,  and  then  hur- 
ried madly  from  the  room.  I  stood  motion- 
less for  a  few  moments,  as  if  bewildered 
and  confused,  with  a  vague,  undefinable 
pensation  of  sorrow  and  remorse  at  all  the 


TTK 

RECANTATION.  55 

unhappiness  I  had  produced.  Once,  al- 
most unconsciously,  I  moved  towards  the 
window,  as  if  to  recall  him,  although  with 
no  fixed  or  certain  purpose  ;  but  the  hasti- 
ly-formed resolution  faded  instantly  away, 
as  my  eyes  fell  upon  the  figure  of  the  Mar- 
chese  at  our  door,  in  the  act  of  dismounting 
from  his  horse. 

Harcourt  brushed  past  him,  while  Tri- 
onfi,  with  the  perfect  grace  and  self-posses- 
sion I  had  so  often  admired,  bowed  to  the 
young  Englishman.  The  latter  was  too 
violently  agitated  to  notice  him,  excepting 
by  a  slight  and  hurried  inclination,  as  he 
pulled  his  hat  lower  over  his  brows,  and 
hastened  down  the  street ;  he  cast,  however, 
one  backward  glance  before  disappearing, 
and  saw  me  in  the  act  of  smiling  upon  his 
successful  rival.  That  sight  must  have  ad- 
ded tenfold  bitterness  to  his  disappoint- 
ment ! 

Trionfi  looked  after  him  with  a  con- 
temptuous sneer  ;  and  then  again  turning 
his  eyes  upwards,  a  bright  and  delighted 
smile  lit  up  his  countenance,  when  he  per- 
ceived that  I  was  still  gazing  upon  him. 


56  RECANTATION. 

An  instant  afterwards  he  entered  the  draw- 
ing-room. 

"  What  have  you  done  to  the  Pretino  ?"* 
he  inquired  gaily;  "he  was  even  more  brus- 
que and  unmannerly  than  usual . . .  ma  belliss- 
ma,  che  hai  dunque  ?"  he  said  anxiously,  for  I 
had  not  yet  entirely  recovered  from  my 
previous  agitation  ; "  he  has  been  sermon- 
izing you — you  are  sad — those  beautiful 
eyes  are  dimmed  with  tears;- — deny  it  not," 
he  added,  as  he  drew  closer  to  me,  and 
sank  his  voice  almost  to  a  whisper  ;  "  deny 
it  not—nulla  pud  celarsi  air  occhio  dell 
amante"^ 

I  started,  and  felt  the  warm  blood  man- 
tling in  my  cheeks  and  forehead,  beneath 
the  speaking  eloquence  and  passion  of  his 
gaze. 

Si,  &i,  lo  sai!"  exclaimed  Trionfi,  as, 
sinking  on  his  knee,  he  poured  forth,  in  the 
beautiful  and  poetic  language  of  his  coun- 
try, the  avowal  of  his  love.  Oh  !  moments 
of  wild  and  delirious  happiness,  too  dearly 


*  Young  clergyman. 

t  Nought  can  be  concealed  from  the  eye  of  a  lover. 


RECANTATION.  57 

purchased ;  and  deep  and  solemn  vows,  too 
soon  forgotten ! — what  avails  it  now  to  re- 
call the  words  by  which  I  plighted  my 
faith  to  his,  and  promised  to  become  the 
Italian's  bride  ?  And  when,  in  answer  to 
my  timid  and  whispered  confession,  that 
his  attachment  was  requited,  he  repeated 
with  transport,  "  Ah  dunque  vivrai  per 
V Italia  !  Ah  dunque  vivrai  per  me  /"*  no 
dark  presentiment,  no  secret  foreboding, 
overshadowed  my  intense  and  confiding 
happiness. 

With  feelings  widely  different  from  each 
other,  did  my  dear  parents  receive  the  an- 
nouncement of  my  engagement.  As  my 
father  folded  me  to  his  heart,  and  kissed  me 
with  fond  pride  and  exultation,  he  already 
seemed  to  view  the  coronet  encircling  my 
brow,  and  to  have  attained  the  summit  of 
his  ambition ;  but  my  mother  grew  sad  and 
pensive,  whilst,  as  I  threw  my  arms  around 
her,  and  hid  my  blushing  face  in  her  bosom, 
her  warm  tears  fell  fast  and  thick  upon  me. 

"I  ought  to  have  foreseen  this,"  she  mur- 

*Then  thou  wilt  live  for  Italy ;  thou  wilt  live  for  mei 
4 


58  RECANTATION. 

mured,  "and  not  have  clouded  your  happi- 
ness, sweet  child,  with  tears  and  vain  re- 
grets !  Your  father  has  at  once  given  his 
consent ;  he  loves  you  as  well  as  I,  and 
judges  better  perhaps  for  your  future  wel- 
fare ;  therefore,  I  must  also  be  contented. 
Yet  tell  me,  Mary — and  tell  me  truly,  dear- 
est— do  you  love  him  well  enough  to  forsake 
all  else  besides  ?  Remember,  darling,  the 
time  may  come  when  sickness  and  sorrow 
will  overtake  you,  with  no  mother  near  to 
smooth  your  pillow,  to  watch  and  pray  be- 
side you,  and  bear  with  the  waywardness 
and  caprice  of  her  spoilt  and  petted  child  ; 
for  you  will  be  alone  in  a  land  of  strangers, 
with  nought  to  look  to  or  rely  upon  but  your 
husband !  " 

"  And  will  he  not  be  all  in  all  to  me,  my 
mother  ?  "  I  whispered. 

"  God  grant  he  may,  my  child!  but  still 
I  tremble  for  you.  The  husband  cannot 
always  remain  a  lover,  and  cold  and  cutting 
words  will  sometimes  come  from  lips  which 
once  could  utter  nought  save  gentleness  and 
love ;  those  eyes  now  beaming  with  tender- 
ness will  gaze  less  kindly  than  of  yore;  and 


RECANTATION.  59 

then  you  will  feel  desolate  and  sad,  and  yet 
there  will  be  none  to  soothe  your  sorrow,  to 
kiss  away  your  tears,  and  love  you  as  only 
I  can  love  ! — my  child  !  my  child  !  " 

"  Mother,  mother,  do  not  weep  so  bitter- 
ly !  "  I  exclaimed,  as,  sinking  on  my  knees, 
I  buried  my  face  in  her  lap,  in  the  favorite 
position  of  my  childhood.  "  Bless  me,  dear- 
est mother,  and  smile  upon  me  once  more ! " 

"  God  bless  you,  dearest,"  she  said  gen- 
tly, as  she  raised  my  face  in  her  hands,  and 
gazed  fondly  and  stedfastly  upon  me. 
"  May  He  for  ever  bless  you,  and  lead  you 
calmly  and  peacefully  through  your  earthly 
pilgrimage.  I  will  no  longer  weep,  but 
pray  for  you,  and  Heaven  in  its  mercy,  will 
surely  hearken  to  a  mother's  prayers !  " 

"  But,  dear  mamma,  you  have  not  yet 
smiled.  Ah  !  that  was  too  sad  a  smile  for 
me  !  Kiss  me,  sweet  mother,  and  say  you 
are  not  angry  with  your  Mary !  " 

"Angry  with  you,  my  child?  I  could 
not  be  so  even  if  I  would  ;  but  still  I  grieve 
that  your  lot  is  cast  so  far  from  your  native 
land  ;  with  one,  too,  of  a  different  creed." 

"Nay,  dear  mamma,  it  is  but  a  difference 


60  RECANTATION. 

in  outward  forms ;  the  leading  principles  of 
both  religions  are  alike.  We  shall  be  united 
in  the  true  spirit  of  Christianity,  and  go  hand 
in  hand  towards  heaven !  " 

As  she  listened  to  me  a  gentle  smile  stole 
over  her  features  ;  her  angelic  countenance 
resumed  its  sweet  and  placid  expression, 
and  clasping  me  again  to  her  bosom,  she 
sealed  her  consent  by  kisses  on  my  brow. 

I  now  appeared  in  Florence  in  a  new  and 
interesting  character — thai  of  a  Promessa 
Sposa.  My  friends  united  in  warm  congra- 
tulations, and  seemed  to  vie  with  each 
other  in  shedding  joy  and  sunshine  over  this 
eventful  period  of  my  life.  I  was  welcomed 
by  all  with  the  most  flattering  distinction, 
and  excitement  and  delight  every  where 
awaited  me.  The  wedding  preparations, 
which  I  entered  into  with  girlish  vanity, 
had  already  been  commenced ;  when  a 
sudden  and  unlooked-for  obstacle  presented 
itself,  which  at  first  threatened  all  my  hopes 
with  annihilation. 

The  Marchesa  Onoria  Trionfi,  mother  of 
my  betrothed,  a  woman  of  violent  temper 
and  strong  prejudices,  peremptorily  refused 


RECANTATION.  61 

her  consent  to  his  union  with  a  heretic  ;  nor 
could  all  his  arguments  and  entreaties  in- 
duce her  to  relent,  or  revoke  her  determina- 
tion, that  unless  I  consented  to  change  my 
religion  and  become  a  Roman  Catholic,  she 
would  never  receive  me  as  a  daughter.  She 
was  the  sole  heiress  of  an  ancient  family  of 
Romagna,  and  had  brought  her  husband  con- 
siderable estates  in  that  country,  of  which 
his  death  again  left  her  in  uncontrolled  pos- 
session ;  these  she  now  threatened  to  be- 
queath to  some  religious  institution,  should 
her  son  presume  to  disobey  her. 

My  father  now  sent  her  a  proposition  of 
increasing  my  dowry,  if  she  would  but 
waive  the  contested  point,  and  consent  to 
our  applying  to  the  Roman  see  for  a  dispen- 
sation. She  was  absent  from  Florence  at 
that  time,  and  we  endured  some  days  of  in- 
tense anxiety  ere  her  answer  could  arrive ; 
when  at  length  we  did  receive  it,  my  heart 
seemed  to  die  within  me,  as  I  read  the  brief 
but  imperious  manner  in  which  she  convey- 
ed her  refusal.  "  She  would  scorn  to  barter 
her  son's  immortal  soul  for  English  gold  !  " 

I  had  be^"  brought  up  in  the  tenets  of  the 


62  RECANTATION. 

Church  of  England,  and  had  received  what 
is  commonly  considered  a  religious  educa- 
tion; but  still  a  stedfast  and  unwavering 
adherence  to  the  Protestant  faith  had  not 
been  sufficiently  inculcated  in  early  youth, 
to  make  me  resolute  in  spurning  the  idea, 
even  of  the  possibillity,  of  forsaking  it.  It  is 
true  that  I  at  first  trembled  at  the  thought, 
and  dared  not  lift  my  eyes  from  the  ground, 
lest  my  mother's  anxious  gaze  should  divine 
what  was  passing  in  my  mind ;  yet  the  se- 
cret impulse  grew  daily  stronger,  and  the 
fervor  with  which  Trionfi  urged  his  suit, 
entreating  me  to  accede  to  his  mother's 
wishes,  and  not  blight  his  happiness  for  ever, 
sank  deeper  and  deeper  into  my  heart. 

Torn  by  conflicting  emotions, — with  love 
and  gratified  ambition  on  the  one  hand,  and 
mortification  and  disappointment  awaiting 
me  on  the  other, — I  endured  a  few  days  of 
anguish  and  uncertainty :  but  where  the 
affections  alone  are  consulted,  the  arguments 
of  reason  are  little  heeded  ;  and  hurried  on 
by  a  fatal  infatuation,  I  at  length  succeeded 
in  reconciling  my  conscience  to  the  change 
proposed. 


RECANTATION,  63 

My  poor  father,  led  away  by  the  splen- 
dor of  the  projected  alliance,  had  been 
grieved  and  disappointed  at  the  occurrence 
which  so  unexpectedly  thwarted  all  his 
expectations ;  he  also  mourned  over  the 
change  this  short  period  of  sorrow  and 
anxiety  had  already  effected  in  my  appear- 
ance, and  trembled  at  the  consequences  this 
early  blighting  of  my  hopes  might  produce 
on  my  warm  and  susceptible  temperament. 
Naturally  careless  on  serious  subjects,  far 
from  opposing  my  wishes,  he  rejoiced  that 
my  happiness  would  be  again  secured  by 
merely  changing,  as  he  argued,  a  few  out- 
ward forms  of  religious  worship. 

But  it  was  my  mother  whom  I  dreaded 
now  !  my  fond  and  gentle  mother  !  I  dared 
not  tell  her  of  my  resolution,  and  entreated 
my  father  to  communicate  the  intelligence ; 
whilst  I  fled  like  a  guilty  thing  from  her 
presence,  and  tremblingly  awaited  her  de- 
cision. As  I  anticipated,  her  usually  calm 
and  yielding  spirit  for  the  first  time  rebelled 
against  her  husband's  wishes  ;  she  firmly 
refused  to  sanction  my  apostacy,  and  for- 


64  RECANTATION. 

bade  the  continuance  of  Trionfi's  visits  at 
our  house.  My  anguish,  my  expostulations 
were  now  of  no  avail :  wretchedness  and 
mistrust  seemed  to  have  taken  possession 
of  our  once  happy  home ;  dissension  had 
sprung  up  between  my  parents,  and  I 
noticed  that  my  mother  was  constantly  in 
tears.  Meantime, — unaccustomed  to  be 
thwarted  in  any  impulse,  I  felt  the  present 
disappointment  so  keenly  that  it  preyed 
upon  my  health,  and  ere  long  I  turned  my 
pale  face  to  the  wall,  and  fancied  that  my 
heart  was  breaking. 

As  soon  as  I  became  really  ill,  all  the 
unwonted  differences  between  my  parents 
were  forgotten  in  their  anxiety  for  me  ;  and 
my  mother,  fearful  of  the  consequences, 
should  she  persist  in  her  refusal,  at  length 
yielded  the  point,  and  granted  her  consent 
to  my  becoming  a  member  of  the  Church  of 
Rome. 

No  boon  ever  yet  conceded  to  mortal  was 
welcomed  with  more  extravagant  delight — 
none  ever  more  gratefully  acknowledged. 
I  knelt  at  her  feet  in  rapturous  joy,  and  re- 
peatedly called  her  my  guardian  angel,  my 


RECANTATION.  65 

preserver,  who  had  snatched  me  from  im- 
pending despair  and  death;  while  the  happi- 
ness of  again  being  permitted  to  see  my 
lover,  together  with  the  certainty  that  no 
earthly  power  could  now  prevent  our  union, 
completely  extinguished  any  scruples  that 
lingered  in  my  bosom,  at  the  thoughts  of 
the  renunciation  I  was  about  to  make. 

Sometimes  my  mother,  as  if  unable  en- 
tirely to  repress  her  feelings,  would  entreat 
me  to  reflect  whether  I  could  reconcile  the 
tenets  of  my  future  religion  with  my  con- 
science ;  and  bade  me  remember  that  the 
faith  of  my  fathers  ought  not  to  be  lightly 
cast  aside,  like  a  garb  unsuited  to  the  clime 
in  which  I  was  to  dwell.  I  used  then  to 
exert  myself  to  dispel  her  prejudices,  as  I 
had  learnt  to  term  them,  and  strove  to  prove 
how  grossly  exaggerated  were  the  views 
she  entertained  of  the  tenets  and  belief  of 
the  Roman  Catholics.  We  were  neither  of 
us  much  versed  in  controversial  arguments, 
and  my  mother  in  particular,  like  many 
Protestants,  beyond  a  few  of  the  leading 
points  of  dispute,  was  ignorant  of  all  that 
constituted  the  difference  between  fr*  two 
4* 


66  RECANTATION. 

religions  ;  merely  entertaining  a  general  ab- 
horrence of  what  she  imagined  were  the 
idolatries  and  superstitions  of  Popery.  The 
arguments  she  used  to  bring  forward  I  was 
now  sufficiently  acquainted  with  Romanism 
to  answer  and  confute ;  for  the  plausible 
reasoning  of  an  English  Roman  Catholic 
Bishop,  who  had  lately  made  our  acquaint- 
ance, had  proved  sufficient  to  satisfy  any 
objections  to  his  creed,  that  my  excited  and 
pre-occupied  feelings  gave  me  either  leisure 
or  inclination  to  raise,  or  to  reflect  upon. 
Dr.  H.  was  a  man  of  gentle  and  insinuating 
address,  with  all  the  bland  and  courtly  re- 
finement and  dignified  deportment  which 
generally  mark  the  astute  and  enterprising 
English  Propagandist.  When  it  began  to 
be  rumored  abroad  that  it  was  possible  I 
might  be  induced  to  change  my  religion,  he 
contrived  as  if  unpremeditatedly  to  draw 
me  into  a  conversation  on  the  subject,  and 
ascertain  the  depth  and  nature  of  my  theo- 
logical knowledge,  before  commencing  any 
course  of  instruction. 

It  seems  ungrateful  and  invidious  to  ac- 
cuse this   zealous  and  gifted    ecclesiastic, 


RECANTATION.  67 

during  the  brief  period  of  his  tuition,  of 
omitting  and  misrepresenting  many  of  the 
tenets  inculcated  by  his  Church  : — I  say  it 
not  as  any  exculpation  of  myself,  for  at  that 
time,  alas  !  my  thoughts  were  far  too  en- 
grossed by  a  headlong  passion,  or  occupied 
with  wordly  projects  and  pursuits,  to  give 
much  attention  to  "The  One  Thing  need- 
ful;" but  still,  as  a  warning  to  the  many 
who  are  daily  following  my  example,  I  must 
declare,  that  the  doctrines  I  then  was  taught 
— and  the  practices  I  afterwards  witnessed 
— were  widely  and  fearfully  at  variance. 

In  reply  one  day  to  my  mother's  asser- 
tion that  the  worship  of  images  was  incul- 
cated by  the  Church  of  Rome,  I  indignant- 
ly repelled  the  charge,  and  exclaimed — 
"  Indeed,  indeed,  mamma,  you  are  griev- 
ously deceived !  Dr.  H.  himself  told  me 
that  the  Catholics  have  been  most  unwar- 
^  rantably  accused  on  this  subject ;  he  said  it 
was  a  fiend-like,  malicious  charge,  and 
grieved  that  Christian  men  could  bear  such 
false  witness  against  their  neighbors." 

"  Well  then,  tell  me,  Mary,  why  do  they 
break  the  commandment,  <  Thou  shalt  not 


68  RECANTATION. 

make  to  thyself  any  graven  image,'  and  per- 
sist in  adorning  their  churches  with  innume- 
rable statues  and  pictures  ?" 

"  Nay,  mamma,  recollect  what  follows, 
*  and  bow  down  to  them  and  worship  them/ 
it  was  to  that  the  prohibition  related,  for 
did  not  Moses,  almost  immediately  after- 
wards, make  two  cherubims  of  gold  for 
the  ark  ?  and,  above  all,  remember  that  he 
made  a  brazen  serpent  in  the  wilderness, 
and  set  it  up  for  a  sign,  '  which  when  they 
that  were  bitten  looked  upon  it,  they  lived.'* 
Thus  it  is  clearly  proved  that  the  prohibi- 
tion did  not  extend  to  these  being  used  as 
religious  memorials,  but  against  their  being 
served  and  adored  as  by  the  heathen." 

"  Then  you  are  quite  certain  that  the 
Romanists  do  not  worship,  or  invoke,  the 
images  and  relics  with  which  their  church- 
es are  filled  ?  " 

"Assuredly  not,  mamma  !  Would  you 
have  them  no  better  than  idolaters  ?  " 

"  I  am  glad  and  thankful  it  is  so,  dear- 
est," was  her  gentle  answer  ;  "  and  I  would 

*  Numb.  xxi.  8,  9, 


RECANTATION.  69 

it  were  the  same  with  the  adoration  paid  to 
the  Virgin  and  the  Saints." 

"And  who  can  prove  that  any  of  the 
Catholics  ever  address  the  saints,  or  entreat 
any  act  of  favor  from  them,  excepting 
through  the  merits  of  our  Saviour  ?  They 
only  ask  for  their  intercession  on  their  be- 
half, as  St.  Paul  demands  the  prayers  of  his 
brethren,  in  all  his  epistles.  Does  not  St. 
James  tell  us  that  '  the  prayer  of  a  righteous 
man  availeth  much  ?  ' — and  what  difference 
can  it  make,  if  that  righteous  man  be  still 
living  on  earth,  or  numbered  with  the 
blessed?" 

My  mother  sighed,  and  after  a  pause 
resumed  :  "  Did  you  ask  Dr.  H.  why  mass 
was  celebrated  in  Latin,  a  language  the 
people  cannot  understand,  when  the  gift  of 
tongues  was  bestowed  expressly  upon  the 
Apostles,  that  they  might  preach  the  Gos- 
pel in  all  parts,  and  amongst  all  nations  ?  " 

"  Yes  ;  and  he  proved  to  me,  that  as  the 
language  of  their  Liturgy  has  descended  as 
a  precious  legacy  from  the  time  when  St. 
Peter  and  St.  Paul  preached  in  Rome,  so  it 
would  be  incongruous  now  to  perform  it  in 


70  RECANTATION. 

a  modern  tongue.  Like  her  Divine  found- 
er, the  Church  of  Rome  is  the  same  yester- 
day and  to-day — unchanged  and  unaffected 
by  the  wayward  caprices  of  fashion.  Be- 
sides which,  you  well  know  that  tranlations 
of  the  Liturgy  are  always  published  for 
those  who  are  unacquainted  with  Latin,  so 
that  they  may  either  join  in  the  prayers  of 
the  Church,  or  say  any  others  their  own 
devotion  may  suggest." 

"  I  see  you  are  satisfied  with  your  new 
religion,  my  dear  child  ;  and  if  all  that  you 
tell  me  be  really  true,  I  own  that  I  have 
been  mistaken  and  prejudiced  in  many  re- 
spects. I  am  not,  however,  sufficiently  ac- 
quainted with  controversy  to  question  any 
of  the  statements  you  have  brought  for- 
ward ;  for  I  never  thought  to  see  the  day 
when  my  only  daughter  should  stand  up  as 
the  advocate  and  defender  of  a  different 

faith  from  mine  !  " 

• 

"  But  the  difference  is  so  slight,  dearest 
mother  !  "  I  exclaimed  sorrowfully.  "  Lis- 
ten to  me." 

"It  cannot  be — it  cannot  be,"  she  re- 
peated, as  she  paced  the  room  in  great  agi- 


RECANTATION.  71 

tation ;  "Why  should  so  many  martyrs 
have  braved  the  most  cruel  persecution, 
and  sealed  their  sincerity  with  their  blood, 
if  the  doctrines,  to  which  they  were  requir- 
ed to  subscribe,  had  differed  so  little  from 
their  own  ?  " 

"  Those  were  the  days  of  ignorance  and 
superstition,"  I  replied,  "  and  cannot  afford 
any  criterion  ;  look,  on  the  contrary,  to  the 
present  times — do  we  not  see  the  number 
of  conversions  yearly  increasing  ?  Are  not 
many  Protestants  constantly  returning  to 
the  bosom  of  the  mother  Church  ?  " 

"  I  am  not  competent  to  argue  with  you, 
Mary,  as  you  well  know  ;  yet,  oh,  there  is 
one  tenet  of  your  new  creed  fearfully  at  va- 
riance with  the  Protestant  belief!  Is  it  true 
that  the  consecrated  wafer,  used  in  the 
Communion,  is  commanded  to  be  worship- 
ped and  adored  as  the  real,  the  very  body 
of  our  blessed  Lord  ?  " 

"  Mother,"  I  said  hurriedly,  "  it  is  true. 
It  is  the  Redeemer  himself,  who  is  there 
present  under  the  appearance  of  bread  and 
wine,  according  to  his  all-powerful  and  Di- 
vine words,  '  This  is  my  body  which  is 


72  RECANTATION. 

given  for  you,  this  is  my  blood  which  is 
shed  for  you.'  And  our  Saviour  also  says, 
'  He  who  eateth  of  this  bread  shall  live  for- 
ever ;  and  the  bread  that  I  give  is  my  flesh 
for  the  life  of  the  world.'  "  * 

"  And  this,  then,  is  the  doctrine  of  the 
REAL  CORPOREAL  PRESENCE,"  said  my  mo- 
ther with  a  sigh  ;  "  and  all  true  Catholics 
must  stedfastly  believe  that  the  wafer,  by 
the  prayer  of  consecration,  can  be  convert- 
ed by  the  ministering  priest  into  the  body 
of  our  Saviour,  and  the  wine  into  his  blood 
— and  wherefore  ?" 

"  As  a  propitiatory  service  for  the  liv- 
ing and  the  dead  ;"  to  use  Dr.  H.'s  own  ex- 
pression, "  Christ  continues  on  our  altars 
to  offer  to  his  Eternal  Father,  on  our  behalf, 
the  sufferings  and  death  He  once  under- 
went on  the  cross,  while  at  the  same  time 
4  he  appears  in  the  presence  of  God  for  us' t 
in  heaven." 

"Surely,"  said  my  mother,  " there  are 
many  passages  in  the  New  Testament  op- 
posed to  this  doctrine  ; — are  we  not  taught 

*  St.  John  vi.  51.         t  Heb.  ix.  24. 


RECANTATION.  73 

to  look  upon  our  Saviour's  atonement  as  a 
thing  past  and  finished  ?  Does  not  St- 
Paul  say  that  'Christ  was  offered  once  to 
bear  the  sins  of  many?'* — but  I  feel,  with 
grief  and  humiliation,  that  my  scriptural 
knowledge  is  far  too  limited  to  attempt  any 
reply  to  the  arguments  in  which  you  have 
been  instructed.  Poor  child !  you  have 
learnt  your  lesson  well !  "  she  added  bitter- 
ly, as  turning  from  me  in  unavailing  sor- 
row she  presently  quitted  the  room,  and 
never  afterwards  renewed  the  discussion. 

The  preparations  for  my  marriage  were 
now  actively  carried  on,  and  excited  a  de- 
gree of  interest  among  my  Italian  acquain- 
tances which,  they  repeatedly  assured  me, 
could  only  be  equalled  by  the  delight  they 
felt  at  the  prospect  of  soon  welcoming  me 
as  one  of  themselves,  and  securing  my  per- 
manent establishment  in  Florence.  My 
dear  father's  liberality  knew  no  bounds,  and 
the  splendor  of  my  trousseau,  and  all  my 
other  bridal  equipments,  occasioned  univer- 
sal admiration  and  surprise.  Some  un- 

*  Heb.  ix.  28. 


74  RECANTATION. 

looked-for  circumstances  meantime  impera- 
tively required  my  father's  presence  in  Eng- 
land, from  whence  every  hour's  delay  be- 
came prejudicial  to  his  interests  ;  it  was  ar- 
ranged therefore  that  my  parents  should 
quit  Florence  immediately  after  my  mar- 
riage, whilst  I  was  to  set  out  with  my  hus- 
band for  an  estate  of  the  Trionfi  family, 
near  Pistoja.  And  thus,  ere  many  weeks 
had  passed,  the  long-looked  for  and  event- 
ful evening  arrived,  on  which  the  nuptial 
contract  was  to  be  signed.  This  ceremony 
in  Italy  is  always  conducted  with  great 
magnificence,  and  attended  with  more  festi- 
vities and  rejoicing  than  the  solemnization 
of  the  rites  of  the  Church,  which  are  always 
performed  within  a  few  days  afterwards. 

The  most  distinguished  friends  of  both 
families  were  invited  to  grace  this  impor- 
tant ceremony  with  their  presence  ;  and  it 
was  not  until  all  were  assembled  that  my 
father  joyfully  summoned  me  to  appear. 

He  found  me  standing  before  the  mirror, 
while  the  last  glittering  bracelet  was  being 
fastened  around  my  arm,  and  my  eyes  dwelt 
with  delight  and  gratified  ambition  upon  the 


RECANTATION.  75 

coronet  embroidered  on  my  handkerchief. 
It  was  mine  now — that  pretty  bauble  for 
which  I  had  sacrificed  so  much !  I  was 
splendidly  dressed,  and  radiant  with  jew- 
els ;  and  as  my  father  proudly  led  me  into 
the  crowded  saloon,  a  murmur  of  admiration 
burst  from  the  entire  assemblage.  No  de- 
lay was,  however,  permitted  me  to  receive 
their  congratulations,  for  Trionfi  impatiently 
darted  to  my  side,  and  hurried  me  onward 
through  our  drawing-rooms,  which  were 
brilliantly  lit  up  and  decorated  with  the 
choicest  flowers,  to  the  last  of  the  suite, 
where  I  found  the  chief  notary  of  Florence 
awaiting  me. 

He  was  seated  at  a  large  table,  covered 
with  papers  and  documents  : — before  him 
were  placed  two  rows  of  sealed  bags,  filled 
with  money  ;  these  contained  half  of  my 
stipulated  dowry,  the  remainder  of  which 
was  not  to  be  paid  until  after  my  father's 
death.  A  chair  was  assigned  to  me  on  the 
right  hand  of  the  civic  functionary,  around 
whom  were  grouped  several  lawyers,  his  as- 
sistants, and  those  friends  who  had  been 
selected  to  act  as  witnesses  to  the  contract. 


76  RECANTATION. 

I  had  no  sooner  taken  my  seat,  than  my  im- 
petuous lover,  as  if  jealous  of  even  a  mo- 
ment's delay,  signed  to  the  notary  to  com- 
mence. In  a  rapid  and  monotonous  tone 
he  then  read  all  the  articles  of  the  marriage 
settlement,  where  every  "minutiae"  relating 
to  the  disposal  of  my  property, — the  allow- 
ance for  my  dress, — the  scale  of  my  future 
expenditure, — even  to  the  number  of  my 
personal  attendants,  were  severally  enumer- 
ated and  distinctly  specified.  At  length 
.  the  wearying  recapitulation  was  concluded, 
the  customary  formalities  all  gone  through, 
and  with  trembling  joy  I  obeyed  the  sum- 
mons to  sign  my  name  beneath  the  loved 
characters  of  my  betrothed. 

Trionfi  stood  beside  me  whilst  I  wrote, 
and  when  the  last  characters  had  been 
traced  by  my  pen,  he  murmured  in  those 
sweet  yet  impassioned  accents  which  alone 
can  reach  the  ear  of  love — "  Ora  sei  mia — 
mia,  per  sempre  /  "  * 

Oh,  moments  of  happiness  and  joy  !  but 
fleeting,  alas  !  as  they  were  bright !  When 

*  Now  thou  art  mine  forever. 


RECANTATION.  77 

all  that  earth  could  give — all  that  the  heart 
could  hope  for — seemed  centred  in  the  love 
I  bore  to  him  who  now  hung  over  me, 
breathing  forth  vows  of  attachment  so  ar- 
dent, so  devoted, — that  I  fondly  imagined 

they  never  could  be  broken  ! 

***** 

Brightly  dawned  my  bridal-day,  with 
such  beauty  in  the  soft  blue  sky,  such  life 
and  gladness  in  the  sparkling  sunbeams, 
that  even  a  less  buoyant  spirit  than  mine 
would  have  viewed  in  that  bright  May 
morning,  a  shadowing  forth  of  future  hap- 
piness. 

When  I  first  opened  my  eyes,  I  per- 
ceived that  my  mother  was  bending  over 
me,  watching  my  light  and  disturbed  slum- 
bers with  the  same  care  and  tenderness  as 
she  had  often  bestowed  on  me  in  infancy. 
There  were  traces  of  tears  upon  her  cheeks, 
but  she  hastily  brushed  them  away,  as  she 
stooped  down  and  fondly  kissed  my  fore- 
head. 

"  Is  it  late, — is  it  late  !  dear  mamma  !  " 
I  exclaimed,  starting  hurriedly  from  my 
pillow ;  "  I  have  slept  too  long  ?  " 


78  RECANTATION. 

"  No,  love,"  she  replied  soothingly, — 
"it  is  yet  early,  but  I  could  not  sleep,  and 
so,  as  soon  as  the  morning  dawned,  I  came 
here — to  look  at  you  while  you  slept,  and 
listen  to  your  gentle  breathing — perhaps  for 
the  last  time  !  " 

A  choking  sensation  rose  in  my  throat, 
and  a  tightness  seemed  to  come  round  my 
heart,  when  I  remembered  that  in  a  few 
hours  I  should  be  far  separated  from  this 
loving  and  devoted  mother  ; — and  for  an  in- 
stant all  other  feelings  were  forgotten,  as  I 
threw  myself  on  her  bosom  and  wept  bit- 
terly. 

But  my  mother  had  evidently  determin- 
ed to  place  a  strong  restraint  upon  herself, 
and  displayed  in  that  moment  of  trial  the 
perfect  sweetness  of  her  character,  for  see- 
ing me  in  sorrow,  she  strove  for  my  sake  to 
master  her  own  emotion  ; — and  now  kissing 
away  my  tears,  she  said, — "You  have  been 
smiling  so  sweetly  in  your  sleep,  dearest 
child  !  Surely  it  was  some  happy  dream 
which  brought  that  smile  ?" 

"Ah,  yes!  dearest  mother,"  I  whisper- 
ed as  I  wound  my  arms  around  her  neck, 


RECANTATION.  79 

and  nestled  closer  to  her — "You  see  now 
that  it  is  no  vain  delusion,  no  imaginary  at- 
tachment ! — for  indeed,  indeed,  I  must  love 
him  well,  if  for  his  sake  I  can  leave  you — 
mv  own  dear  mamma  ! " 

"  Sweet  child !  May  you  ever  feel  as 
you  do  now,  and  love  your  husband  better 
than  aught  else  on  earth; — for  it  would 
be  selfish  to  wish  to  steal  any  of  that 
warm  young  heart's  affections  from  one 
who  must  soon  be  father,  mother,  all  and 
every  thing  to  you  !  Yes,  Mary  !  I  pray 
it  may  be  always  thus — that  your  husband 
may  always  be  as  loved  and  thought  upon 
as  now!" 

Again  she  pressed  me  convulsively  to  her 
heart,  and  then  parting  the  hair  0:1  my  fore- 
head, gazed  long  and  fondly  upon  me,  while 
her  lips  appeared  to  move  in  silent  prayer. 
At  this  moment  a  knock  was  heard  at  the 
door,  and  my  Cameriera  Annina,  all  smiles 
ELndfelicitazione,  entered  the  room. 

"It  is  time  to  rise,  love,"  said  my  mother 
hurriedly,  as  if  to  dispel  the  sadness  of  her 
reflections;  "and  I  will  hasten  away  to 
complete  my  own  arrangements, 'that  I  may 


80  RECANTATION. 

be  in  time  to  superintend  your  toilet, — for  I 
must  dress  my  Mary  on  her  wedding-day !  " 
As  she  moved  towards  the  door,  her  eyes 
fell  upon  the  painful  array  of  half-packed 
trunks  and  boxes  that  were  scattered  about 
the  room ;  I  saw  her  tremble  and  turn  pale, 
but  she  endeavored  to  repress  her  emotion, 
and  once  more  turning  towards  me,  she 
said  hesitatingly — "  I  have  put  up  your 
Bible  and  Prayer-book  amongst  your  other 
things  ;  for  my  sake  perhaps  you  will  read 
them  sometimes, — that  is — that  is — if  you 

will  be  allowed  to  do  so  " and  as  she 

hurried  away,  the  sound  of  her  suppressed 
but  bitter  sobs  came  sadly  on  my  ear. 

A  momentary  gloom  and  depression 
seemed  to  overshadow  me,  and  I  fancied 
that  the  bright  and  cheerful  sky  must  have 
become  clouded  ;  I  threw  open  the  window 
and  gazed  on  the  blue  heavens — they  were 
as  glorious  as  before,  and  the  sunbeams 
danced  and  sparkled  on  the  dew-spangled 
foliage  in  the  garden  beneath.  Where  was 
the  darkness  then  ?  Shall  I  anwer  ? — deep 
in  the  recesses  of  my  heart ! 

The  gay  prattle  of  my  attendant  was 


RECANTATION.  81 

now  disregarded  ;  and  I  became  so  listless 
and  absorbed  in  my  own  reflections,  that 
when  my  mother's  maid  appeared  to  give 
her  advice  and  assistance  in  the  momentous 
business  of  the  toilet,  she  seemed  mortified 
and  surprised  at  the  unwonted  langor  and 
indifference  I  displayed. 

I  sat  still  and  motionless  whilst  they  were 
busied  in  the  arrangement  of  my  hair; 
plunged  in  a  deep  and  sorrowful  reverie, 
during  which,  memory  brought  forward  in 
fearful  array  all  the  faults  of  my  wayward 
youth,  and  recalled  the  many  times  I  had 
caused  grief  and  uneasiness  to  that  dear 
being  from  whom  I  was  so  soon  to  part.  I 
was  so  absorbed  as  not  to  be  aware  of  my 
mother's  entrance,  nor  even  to  hear  her 
light  footstep,  until  I  felt  her  small  trembling 
hand  rest  upon  my  cheek  as  she  gently 
smoothed  the  braids  of  my  hair. 

Oh,  who  can  mistake  a  mother's  touch  ? 
So  soft,  so  loving,  that  it  thrills  to  the  very 
heart,  like  strains  of  sweetest  music ! — like 
those,  too,  leaving,  when  the  reality  has  for 
ever  passed  away,  its  mournful  echoes  float- 
ing on  the  soul,  and  melting  it  to  sadness ! 


82  RECANTATION. 

I  snatched  that  dear  hand,  and  kissed  it 
again  and  again,  whilst  anguish — such  as  I 
little  thought  to  have  experienced  on  my 
bridal-day — filled  my  heart,  when  I  contem- 
plated our  approaching  separation. 

She  did  not  speak,  but  continued  adjust- 
ing my  hair  with  nervous  precision  ;  her 
fingers  lingering  about  each  tress  and  braid 
as  if  unwilling  to  bid  any  of  them  farewell, 
till  at  length  a  message  from  my  father,  an- 
nouncing that  the  appointed  hour  had  nearly 
arrived,  compelled  her  to  relinquish  her 
employment. 

Behold  me  now  as  I- stood  before  the 
mirror,  in  a  robe  of  white  satin,  trimmed 
with  costly  blonde  and  orange-blossoms ;  the 
bridal  wreath  encircling  my  brows,  and  a  rich 
veil  falling  gracefully  almost  to  the  ground. 
It  was  the  realization  of  many  a  maiden's 
dream !  and  as  I  viewed  it,  and  thought  on 
him  to  whom  I  was  shortly  to  be  united, 
my  lip  regained  its  smile,  and  my  eye  its 
brightness. 

But  time  pressed ;  the  two  or  three  friends 
who  were  to  accompany  us  had  already  ar- 
rived, and  I  was  hurried  into  the  carriage 


RECANTATION.  83 

with  my  parents,  whilst  the  others  followed 
in  our  train.  The  distance  to  the  archbish- 
op's palace,  where  both  ceremonials  were 
to  take  place,  was  but  short,  and  we  none 
of  us  spoke  during  the  drive  ;  even  my 
father,  until  then  so  elated  and  self-pos- 
sessed, now  seemed  nervous  and  agitated ; 
my  mother,  pale  and  trembling,  was  the 
first  to  break  the  silence,  as  we  drove 
through  the  arched  gateway  into  the  court- 
yard, where  notwithstanding  the  early  hour, 
a  crowd  was  already  assembled.  In  a  voice 
almost  inarticulate  with  emotion,  she  said, 
"I  wonder  if — if — it  will  take  long."  I 
knew  too  well  to  what  she  alluded  ;  and  I 
grew  sick  and  faint  as  the  thought  of  what 
I  was  about  to  do,  and  the  approaching 
renunciation  of  my  native  creed,  rose  fear- 
fully before  me.  My  father  understood  her 
also,  and  almost  angrily  exclaimed,  "  Non- 
sense, nonsense !  'tis  only  a  mere  form." 

Two  or  three  empty  carriages  were  stand- 
ing in  the  yard,  announcing  that  Trionfi  and 
his  friends  had  been  more  pu-nctual  to  their 
time  than  we ;  and  this  increased  my  fath- 
er's anxiety  and  impatience,  as  we  hastily 


84  RECANTATION. 

alighted  and  proceeded  to  ascend  the  noble 
staircase. 

The  people  gathered  round,  gazing  eager- 
ly upon  us,  and  murmurs  of  "  Ecco  la  sposa, 
Maria  la  benedica! — Che  angiola  !  "*  passed 
from  one  to  the  other.  At  this  instant  Tri- 
onfi,  who  had  become  almost  frantic  at  the 
delay,  now  flew  to  welcome  our  appearance ; 
the  sound  of  his  voice,  the  sight  of  his  hand- 
some and  noble  countenance,  at  once  dis- 
pelled all  my  melancholy,  and  again  I  thought 
only  of  how  sweet  that  life  must  prove, 
which  would  henceforth  be  passed  near  him. 

We  were  now  conducted  to  the  presence 
of  the  archbishop,  who  received  us  in  the 
beautiful  chapel  attached  to  the  episcopal 
palace.  He  was  an  old  man  of  venerable 
and  commanding  appearance  ;  but  I  shrank 
from  the  penetrating  glance  of  his  cold  grey 
eyes,  which  seemed  to  dive  into  the  secrets 
of  my  soul,  and  read  the  tumult  of  conflicting 
passions  which  raged  and  worked  within  ; 
while  his  thin  lips  were  firmly  compressed, 
as  if  to  conceal  the  scornful  smile  that  his 

*  There's  the  bride ;  may  Mary  bless  her !  What  an 
angel ! 


RECANTATION.  '          85 

investigation  had  called  up.  After  a  few 
preliminaries  had  been  gone  through,  he 
ascended  the  steps  of  the  altar,  and  one  of 
the  assistant  priests  advanced  with  a  paper, 
which  he  presented  to  the  archbishop  with 
marks  of  the  deepest  reverence  and  humi- 
lity. 

My  head  swam — my  knees  tottered, — 
yet  I  mechanically  approached,  and  receiv- 
ed the  document  from  his  hands ;  then, 
with  blanched  lips  and  faltering  voice,  I 
proceeded  to  read  my  RECANTATION. 

"  Omnipotent !  ever  eternal  God  !  mer- 
cifully receive  this  thy  creature  snatched 
from  the  jaws  of  the  INFERNAL  DESTROYER, 
and  admit  her,  through  Thy  great  goodness, 
into  Thy  flock,  that  the  enemy  may  have  no 
occasion  to  triumph  in  the  condemnation  of 
Thy  family ;  but  from  her  deliverance, 
Thy  Church,  as  a  pious  mother,  may  rejoice 
in  the  recovery  of  an  erring  child. 

"  Lord,  who  in  Thy  great  mercy  dost 
succor  man,  made  in  Thine  own  image, 
by  Thee  most  wonderfully  created,  turn  a 
benignant  eye  upon  this  Thy  servant ;  ab- 
solve and  forgive  her  past  errors,  when, 


86  RECANTATION. 

through  the  blindness  of  ignorance  and 
hostile  and  diabolical  deceit,  she  was  deprived 
of  the  indulgence  of  Thy  mercy  ;  and  vouch- 
safe that  she  may  now  be  admitted  to  Thy 
sacred  altars,  after  having  received  the 
communion  of  Thy  truth. 

"  I,  Mary,  being  now  come  to  the  know- 
ledge of  the  true  'Catholic  and  Apostolic 
faith,  do  hereby  publicly  ABJURE,  DETEST, 
and  ABOMINATE,  any  heresy  whatsoever, 
particularly  that  by  which  I  have  hitherto 
been  defiled,  as  being  above  all  others,  that 
which  pertinaciously  upholds  tenets  con- 
trary to  the  true  faith.  Henceforth  I  cleave 
unto  the  holy  Roman  Church,  and  confess, 
with  my  lips  and  with  my  heart,  that  I  be- 
lieve in  the  apostolic  throne,*  and  will  attest 
,  it  in  this  or  any  more  decided  manner ; 
hereby  embracing  this  same  faith  which  the 
holy  Roman  Church,  with  evangelic  autho- 

*  This  signifies  a  belief  in  the  infallibility  of  the  Pope,  as 
sitting  in  St  Peter's  chair,  and  Christ's  vicar  on  earth.  The 
term  which  the  lower  classes  in  Italy  are  taught  by  their 
priests  to  apply  to  the  Supreme  Pontiff,  is  of  itself  a  fearful 
commentary  upon  this  doctrine, — Dio  in  terra — God  on 
earth! 


RECANTATION.  87 

rity,  has  commanded  to  be  steadfastly  up- 
held :  swearing  to  observe  the  same  by  the 
Holy  Trinity  of  one  substance,  and  by  the 
holy  and  sainted  evangelists  of  Christ.  I 
also  hereby  affirm,  that  all  those  who  presume 
to  oppose  this  faith,  together  with  their  fol- 
lowers and  perverse  precepts,  are  worthy  of 
eternal  condemnation  ;  and  should  I  at  any 
time  (which  may  God  forbid)  presume  to 
dispute  or  publish  anything  contrary  to  such 
truths,  I  am  to  be  proceeded  against  accord- 
ing to  the  rigor  of  the  ecclesiastical  laws."* 

*  The  following  is  the  original  of  the  formula  of  Recan- 
tion,  of  which  a  translation  has  been  given  in  the  text.  It 
varies,  however,  I  believe,  in  different  places,  according  to 
the  directions  of  the  officiating  Cardinal- Bishop  ;  but  the  au- 
thor can  vouch  for  the  Declaration  in  question  having  been 
used  three  times  in  a  considerable  city  of  the  Pontifical  states, 
by  English  Protestant  converts. 

"  Omnipotente  !  Sempre  eterna  Iddio,  questa  tua  creatura 
ritolta  dalle  fauci  del  Lupo  Infernale,  ricevi  per  tua  pieta,  e 
ritorna  per  tua  piissima  bonta  al  tuo  gregge  ;  perche  1'inimico 
non  si  rallegri  del  danno  della  tua  Famiglia ;  ma  della  sua 
conversione  e  liberazione,  la  tua  chiesa,  come  pia  madre,  si 
rallegri  di  avere  ritrovato  un  suo  figlio. 

"  Signore,  che  con  la  tua  Misericordia,  ajuti  1'uomo  fatto 
a  tua  immagine,  il  quale  mirabilement  creasti,  volgi  1'occhio 
benigno  spora  questa  tua  serva,  affinche  cio  che  ad  essa  fu 
tolta  per  acciecamento  d'ignoranza  e  per  ostile  e  diabolica 


88  RECANTATION. 

It  is  ended — the  deed  is  done  !  The 
cold  dew  stood  on  my  brow,  and  an  iron 
hand  seemed  closing  round  my  heart.  I 
could  not  breathe,  and  for  an  instant  sight 
and  consciousness  were  alike  failing  me  ; 
when  suddenly  thought  came  rushing  back 
in  an  overwhelming  tide  of  wild  and  de- 
lirious anguish,  and  £sank  upon  my  knees 
before  the  altar,  and  bowed  my  guilty  fore- 
head to  the  dust.  Oh,  heaven  !  oh,  earth  1 
— 'Tis  no  lightpromise,  no  empty  declaration 

frode ;  Pindulgenza  della  tua  piet£  ;  perdona  ed  assolva,  e  sia 
resa  ai  Sagri  Altari,  ricevuta  la  Communione  della  tua  verita. 
"  lo  M.  N.  conoscendo  lavera  fede  Cattolica  ed  Apostol- 
ica, publicamente  abjuro,  detesto,  abbomino,  ogni  qualunque 
eresia,  segnatamente  quella  di  cui  sono  statafinora  infamata, 
come  qnella  appunto  che  sostiene  questa  o  altra  cosa.  Quindi 
aderisco  alia  Santa  Romana  Chiesa ;  e  confesso  con  la  bocca 
e  col  cuore  di  credere  alia  sede  Apostolica ;  ed  abbraciare  la 
medesim  Fede,  che  la  Santa  ^Romana  Chiesa  con  autorit& 
Evangelica  ed  Apostolica  ha  decretato  tenersi.  Giuranda 
tal  cosa  per  la  Santa  Trinita  d'una  stessa  sostanza,  e  per  i 
sagrosanti  Evangeli  di  Cristo.  Affermo  poi  che  tutti  coloro, 
i  quali  vorranno  contradire  a  questa  fede,  unitamente  ai  loro 
seguaci,  e  perversi  costumi,  sono  degni  di  eterna  scommunica ; 
e  ogni  qual  volta  io  stessa  (il  che  Dio  non  permetta)  presumero 
di  acconsentire  o  pubblicare  qualche  cosa  contra  tale  verita 
si  proceda  contro  di  me  secondo  il  rigore  delle  Leggi  Eccle- 
siastiche." 


RECANTATION.  89 

that  I  have  made  !  Strike  not  the  tremb- 
ling sinner  in  Thine  indignation,  O  offended 
Lord !  Blast  not  the  perjured  one  who 
called  Thy  holy  Name  to  witness  what  she 
herself  believed  not  !  .  .  .  .  for  have  I  not 
sworn  obedience  to  a  faith  which  would 
condemn  her — so  devout,  so  good,  so  inno- 
cent— to  everlasting  perdition  ?  Ah  !  what 
'agony  is  written  in  that  pale — pale  face, 
mother !  Would  that  I  had  died  ere  I 
caused  her  grief  like  this  !  Is  it  a  dream  ? 
— some  horrible  vision  of  the  night  ?  No  ; 
there  he  stands  in  his  episcopal  robes — that 
calm,  unmoved  old  man  ;  and  there  the  fra- 
grant incense  smokes,  the  flickering  tapers 
burn.  Yonder  is  my  proud  and  exulting 

father — and  she Oh,  Heaven — that 

look  of  agony  again?  Fall  on  me,  ye  moun- 
tains !  Earth  swallow  me  up,  and  give  a 
dark  and  speedy  grave  to  the  apostate's 
shame  !  .  .  .  Such  were  the  wild  reflec- 
tions that  raged  and  struggled  within  my 
soul,  while  my  anguish,  denied  the  relief 
of  words,  seemed  to  convulse  my  entire 
frame ;  when  suddenly  I  heard  a  voice 
whispering  peace  and  consolation  f^  my 
5* 


90  RECANTATION. 

ear,  like  angel's  music  stealing  over  a 
troubled  sea.  It  was  he — my  own — my 
loved.  Gently  he  raised  me  from  my  knees, 
and,  clinging  to  his  dear  arm,  I  once  more 
felt  comforted  and  re-assured,  and  calmer 
thoughts  returned  to  my  distracted  heart. 
Oh,  it  has  been  a  dread  ordeal,  yet  for  his 
sake  I  have  braved  it ! — Yes  ;  I  will  be  to 
him  all  that  woman  is  in  her  most  sweet 
and  holy  attributes, — the  meek  and  devoted 
friend, — the  proud  and  admiring  wife, — and 
Heaven  will  surely  forgive  the  means  by 
which  I  have  obtained  this  end. 

The  marriage  rites  now  commenced, 
and,  absorbed  in  their  sacred  and  mysteri- 
ous nature,  I  became  lost  to  all  other  con- 
templations, while  I  felt  awe-struck,  and 
yet  rejoicing  at  the  deep  and  binding  nature 
of  the  ties  I  was  about  to  form. 

According  to  the  usage  of  the  Roman 
Catholic  Church,  the  bridal  pair  confess, 
receive  absolution,  and  are  admitted  to  the 
Communion  before  the  final  ratification  of 
their  vows.  I  knelt  with  a  palpitating 
heart  as  the  hand  of  the  archbishop  placed 
within  my  lips  the  consecrated  wafer,  which 


RECANTATION.  91 

I  had  vowed  to  believe  contained  the  in- 
'carnate  presence  of  our  Redeemer.  Some 
prayers  then  followed  this  awful  rite  :  the 
nuptial  ring  was  placed  upon  my  finger, — 
a  solemn  blessing  was  pronounced, — and 
they,  who  once  were  twain,  had  now  be- 
come— so  long  as  life  remained — indissolu- 
bly  one !  *  *  *  * 

Spring  had  passed  away  ;  summer  was 
well  nigh  ended,  and  we  still  dwelt  at 
Pistoja,  without  one  claud  upon  our  wed- 
ded life,  one  thorn  in  our  bower  of  roses. 

Oh,  the  bliss  of  those  few  months,  when 
earth,  and  sky,  and  air,  all  seemed  united 
in  ministering  to  'my  happiness  !  When 
flowers  appeared  to  spring  forth  beneath 
my  joyous  footsteps,  and  the  glad  blue  hea- 
vens to  look  down  smilingly  upon  me;  while 
the  sweet  breezes  would  circle  around, 
kissing  my  cheek  and  playing  amongst  my 
tresses,  as  if  to  welcome  me  to  Italy  and 
love  !  Bright  and  joyous  remembrances  ! 
let  me  indulge  in  recalling  them  once  more  ! 

Sweet  Tuscany  !  Arcadia  of  Europe  ! 
Its  name  is  even  now  most  dear  tome;  for, 
amid  all  the  gloom  and  desolation  of  my 


92  RECANTATION. 

heart,  it  never  fails  to  bring  back  sweet  me- 
mories of  the  past,  which  for  a  moment  can 
dispel  the  dark  melancholy  that  overhangs 
me,  like  sunshine  stealing  over  a  neglected 
grave.  Happy  days  !  surely  ye  were  but  a 
dream  ;  and,  oh,  how  long  the  waking ! 

I  used  to  delight  in  wandering  with  my 
husband  over  the  beautiful  country  which 
lays  around  Pistoja,  and  is  so  fertile  and 
luxuriant  as  to  have  given  to  the  whole  dis- 
trict the  denomination  of  the  Garden  of 
Tuscany.  We  often  paused  in  our  rambles 
to  exchange  a  few  words  with  the  peasan- 
try whom  we  found  engaged  in  their  daily 
labors  ;  and  I  used  to  listen  with  surprise 
to  the  pure  and  classic  Italian  they  univer- 
sally spoke,  and  the  poetical  similes  in 
which  they  often  clothed  their  ideas.  Even 
the  deference  inspired  by  the  presence  of 
the  new  Marchesa  never  caused  the  native 
grace  of  their  manners  and  bearing  to  de- 
generate into  clownish  servility.  Through- 
out this  part  of  the- country  the  language 
continues  the  same  as  in  the  days  of  Dante, 
and  many  words  of  the  "  Divina  Comme- 
dia,"  which  in  other  districts  have  become 


RECANTATION.  93 

obsolete,  are  here  still  preserved  among  the 
peasantry  in  their  original  purity  and  signi- 
fication. 

It  was  in  this  pastoral  region  that  I  form- 
ed my  first  impressions  of  the  character 
of  the  Italians ;  for  the  brilliant  saloons  of 
the  capital  in  which  I  had  hitherto  moved 
were  little  qualified  to  give  any  insight  into 
the  humbler,  or  the  domestic,  manners  of 
that  people  to  which  I  had  allied  myself. 
But  now  the  delicate  perception,  the  intui- 
tive taste  of  these  simple  contadini,  the 
beautiful  language  in  which  they  spoke, 
and,  above  all,  their  sweet  and  harmonious 
voices,  completely  realized  my  most  ro- 
mantic visions,  and  made  me  doubly  anx- 
ious to  be  admitted  to  the  familiar  compan- 
ionship of  a  people,  whose  lower  orders 
seemed  so  gentle  and  refined.  One  fair 
summer's  evening,  as  we  were  returning 
from  our  rambles,  I  stopped  to  look  at  a 
young  Contadina,  wrho  was  standing  by  the 
road-side,  arranging  some  flowers  in  a  bas- 
ket, and  sprinkling  them  with  water  from  a 
neighboring  brook.  The  girl  was  in  her- 
self a  picture,  such  as  it  gladdened  the  eye 


94  RECANTATION. 

to  rest  upon ;  her  head  was  small  and  fine- 
ly shaped,  and  her  glossy  raven  tresses 
were  plaited  and  secured  in  the  purest 
classic  taste.  The  thin,  straight  nose,  and 
transparent  nostril, — dark  expressive  eyes, 
— curved  upper  lip,  and  colorless,  clear 
olive  complexion,  are  all  the  distinguishing 
features  of  a  Tuscan,  from  the  peasant  to 
the  princess.  Her  slight  elastic  figure 
showed  to  advantage  in  a  tight-fitting  bod- 
dice  or  jacket,  which  was  left  a  little  open 
at  the  top,  to  display  the  strings  of  oriental 
pearls  that  encircled  her  throat,  and  the  at- 
tainment of  which  had  probably  cost  her 
years  of  patient  toil  and  privation.  Knots 
of  gay  ribbons  floated  from  her  shoulders, 
and  imparted  a  fanciful  and  picturesque  ef- 
fect to  her  whole  appearance  ;  her  petticoat 
was  of  some  bright  colored  cotton,  and 
sufficiently  short  to  exhibit  her  small  brown 
feet  and  slender  ancles  to  great  advantage. 
These  she  had  apparently  just  released 
from  the  unusual  thraldom  of  shoes  and 
stockings,  that  now  lay  beside  her  on  the 
grass,  not  to  be  worn  again  until  the  next 
"  festa :"  near  them  she  had  carelessly 


RECANTATION.  95 

thrown  her  high-crowned  holiday  hat, 
which,  with  its  waving  sable  feathers,  look- 
ed almost  too  sombre  to  be  in  keeping  with 
a  scene  of  so  much  light  and  beauty. 

The  girl  meantime  silently  pursued  her 
employment,  although  evidently  conscious 
of,  nor  altogether  displeased  at,  my  pro- 
longed scrutiny,  till  at  length  she  turned 
round  with  a  bright  smile,  and  selecting 
one  of  the  sweetest  flowers  from  her  basket, 
offered  it  to  me,  saying,  "  Senta,  Signora, 
come  olezza  questo  flore  /"  *  The  look,  the 
action,  above  all,  the  classic  beauty  of  the 
expression,  charmed  and  delighted  me  ;  and 
as  I  hung  upon  my  husband's  arm,  on  our 
way  back  to  our  villa,  I  taxed  him  laugh- 
ingly with  his  want  of  poetic  fancy,  in  not 
sympathizng  more  readily  with  my  en- 
thusiasm for  this  romantic  country.  I  for- 
get the  exact  words  of  his  reply,  in  which 
he  gaily  repelled  my  accusation,  on  the  plea 
that  he  had  other  and  sweeter  thoughts  to 
dwell  upon  than  the  prattle  of  a  peasant 
girl,  or  the  scent  of  any  flowers  she  could 

*  "  Try  this  flower,  lady,  how  (sweetly)  it  smells." 


96  RECANTATION. 

offer  him ;  and  then  I  remember  my  feel- 
ings of  intense  happiness,  as  he  drew  me 
closer  to  him,  and  said  tenderly,  "Tu  sei 
quel  fiore  colla  cui  dolcezza  ormai  vivro  fe- 
lice."  * 

Ah,  yes  ! — in  that  soft  hour,  when  the 
shades  of  evening  were  fast  stealing  over 
the  fair  and  extended  scene,  and  perfect 
stillness  was  succeeding  to  the  animation 
of  the  day  ; — when  the  merry  chirping  of 
the  tree-cricket,  that  joyous  herald  of 
warmth  and  sunshine, — the  lowing  of  the 
cattle  returning  from  their  pasturage,  and 
the  distant  voices  of  the  peasantry,  had  all 
died  imperceptibly  away  ;  and  the  faint 
sighing  of  the  night-breeze  amongst  the 
branches  came  sweetly  upon  the  ear,  while 
myriads  of  fire-flies,  growing  brighter  in  the 
darkening  twilight,  flashed  and  sparkled 
around ; — yes,  in  those  blest  moments,  in 
that  unbroken  solitude,  I  looked  fondly  and 
confidingly  up  to  my  husband's  face,  and 
thought  my  mother's  prayer  had  been  in- 


*  Thou  art  the  flower  upon  whose  sweetness  I  shall  now 
exist! 


RECANTATION.  97 

deed  fulfilled,  and  that  he  was  all  and  every 
thing  to  me  ! 

Towards  the  end  of  August  we  quitted 
Pistoja,  and  prepared  to  visit  Romagna, 
where,  in  addition  to  Trionfi's  wish  to  in- 
troduce me  to  his  relations,  a  protracted 
law-suit  required  his  presence.  My  plea- 
sure at  the  thoughts  of  seeing  his  native 
country,  and  family  connexions,  all  of  whom 
— for  his  sake — I  was  already  prepared  to 
love,  could  scarcely  reconcile  me  to  leaving 
the  loved  retreat  where  I  had  been  so  hap- 
py. I  felt  almost  fearful  of  entering  anew 
into  the  world,  lest  it  should  rob  me  of  any 
of  my  husband's  attention  or  society ;  but 
with  the  fond  credulity  of  love,  every  doubt 
was  dispelled,  when  Trionfi,  to  whom  I 
had  blushingly  avowed  my  uneasiness,  pro- 
tested with  unabated  fervor,  that  no  earth- 
ly power  could  ever  efface  me  from  his 
heart,  which  would  be  wholly  and  for  ever 
mine. 

We  remained  a  few  days  in  Florence, 
where  the  Palazzo  Trionfi  was  undergoing 
some  repairs  and  embellishments  previous 
to  our  return  for  the  winter;  a  handsome 


98  RECANTATION. 

suite  of  apartments  on  the  second  floor 
were  being  fitted  up  for  my  reception,  those 
on  the  first  being  reserved  for  my  mother- 
in-law,  the  Marchesa  Onoria  Trionfi,  by 
whom  in  fact  they  had  been  occupied  for 
many  years.  Our  menage  was  to  be  in  com- 
mon, under  the  superintendence  of  the 
maestro  di  casa,  an  old  and  faithful  servant, 
who  had  lived  with  the  Marchesa  from  his 
youth,  and  whose  strict  integrity  in  the  per- 
formance of  his  important  duties  could  be 
strictly  relied  upon.  This  arrangement  is 
invariably  pursued  among  all  the  Italian 
nobility,  as  the  bride  on  allying  herself  to  a 
family  is  considered  to  become  one  of  its 
members,  and  not  entitled  to  any  separate 
establishment.  I  need  scarcely  observe, 
that  this  custom  generally  proves  destruc- 
tive of  all  domestic  harmony  and  comfort ; 
and  is  in  fact  looked  upon  by  many  as  a 
primary  cause  of  the  evils  of  Italian  society. 
At  that  time,  however,  I  had  not  experienc- 
ed its  disadvantages,  and  looking  only  to 
the  bright  side  of  my  prospects,  I  thought 
with  delight  of  the  kindness  of  my  husband, 
the  refinement  and  rank  with  which  I  should 


RECANTATION.  99 

every  where  be  surrounded,  and  the  fasci- 
nating career  of  enjoyment  that  awaited  me. 
With  these  joyous  feelings  of  happiness  and 
expectation,  I  commenced  my  journey  to 
Romagna. 

The  afternoon  of  our  first  day's  travel- 
ling we  commenced  the  ascent  of  that  chain 
of  Appenines,  that  divide  Tuscany  from  the 
Pontifical  States,  by  the  road  which  had 
been  recently  constructed  at  great  labor  and 
expense  by  the  Grand  Duke,  and  which  is 
considered  as  a  very  masterly  specimen  of 
engineering.  Night  closing  found  us  still 
in  these  wild  and  barren  regions,  and  we 
slept  at  a  little  paese  appropriately  called  La 
Rocca. 

Ere  sunrise  the  next  morning  we  re- 
sumed our  route,  and  emerging  from  the 
mountainous  defiles,  once  more  entered  the 
level  country,  and  before  noon  arrived  at 
Terra  del  Sole,  the  frontier  of  the  Ecclesi- 
astical dominions. 

I  know  not  whether  it  be  from  the  con- 
trast of  the  bleak  mountain  atmosphere  so 
lately  traversed,  or  the  natural  softness  of 
the  climate  itself, — but  it  is  certain  that  the 


100  RECANTATION. 

air  on  first  entering  Romagna  is  so  balmy 
and  enervating,  and  it  appears  to  steal  over 
the  senses  with  such  an  irresistible  feeling 
of  langor  and  indifference,  that  the  secret  of 
the  southern  Italian's  love  for  the  dolce  far 
niente  is  at  once  explained. 

In  the  broad  plains  and  dusty  roads 
through  which  we  now  travelled,  I  looked 
in  vain  for  the  laughing  beauty  and  luxuri- 
ance that  distinguished  the  country  we  had 
so  lately  quitted ;  nature  had  been  as  prodi- 
gal of  her  gifts,  but  there  lacked  the  willing 
hand  to  requite  and  improve  her  bounteous- 
ness.  The  sullen  peasant  seemed  to  till 
the  earth  with  churlish  apathy,  as  if  he 
grudged  the  very  toil  which  gave  him  bread, 
and  eyed  our  heavily-laden  carriage  as  we 
passed,  with  fierce  and  lawless  rapacity, 
that  told  of  pursuits  more  congenial  to  his 
taste,  in  which  unassisted  however  he  could 
not  engage.  Throughout  the  towns  we 
stopped  at,  on  that  and  the  following  day, 
— Forli,  Cesena,  and  Rimini, — the  same 
squalid  misery  and  desolation  appeared  to 
prevail ;  there  were  bsoad  streets  where  a 
single  footstep  scarce  broke  the  death-like 


RECANTATION.  101 

and  oppressive  silence  ;  and  stately  palaces, 
that  told  of  the  greatness  of  former  days, 
falling  piecemeal  into  ruin  and  decay,  with 
the  rank  grass  growing  in  their  deserted 
court-yards,  and  the  delicate  "rilievi" 
which  adorned  the  walls  all  broken  and 
defaced. 

The  only  part  of  these  towns  where  any 
thing  like  animation  can  be  discovered  is 
generally  the  piazza,  where  the  principal 
church  or  duomo  is  situated,  and  of  which 
a  few  shops,  a  cafe  and  the  barbiere's  consti- 
tute the  principal  attractions.  Groups  of 
idlers  will  here  be  found  at  all  hours  of  the 
day,  from  the  lowest  depths  of  misery  and 
want,  to  the  proprietarj  and  nobles  of  the 
environs  ;  who  lounge  under  the  awning  of 
the  cafe,  or  stretched  on  benches  within, 
carelessly  sip  their  coffee,  and  smoke  their 
cigars,  with  a  vacant  and  listless  stare  at 
every  passer-by  ; — occasionally  watching 
with  an  appearance  of  interest  the  proceed- 
ings of  the  motley  crowd  without,  some  of 
whom  are  lying  asleep  on  the  steps  leading 
to  the  church,  and  others  playing  at  mora 
beneath  the  shelter  of  one  of  those  project- 


102  RECANTATION. 

ing  roofs  which  are  still  found  in  the  old- 
fashioned  cities  of  Italy.  Here  a  wretched 
object,  appalling  from  the  filth  and  misery 
of  his  appearance,  will  mingle  among  the 
group  at  the  cafe,  and  thrusting  a  withered 
hand,  or  some  such  revolting  deformity  be- 
fore their  eyes,  claims  their  charity  by 
means — which  to  minds  less  accustomed  to 
such  spectacles — would  but  awaken  abhor- 
rence and  disgust. 

There  we  view  a  sturdy  beggar  seated 
beside  that  little  archway,  where  an  image 
of  the  Madonna  is  displayed  ; — shaking  his 
tin  alms-box  and  steadily  appealing  to  the 
passers-by,  with  his  unceasing  monotonous 
chaunt — "  Per  1'anime  sante  del  purgatorio, 
per  rariime  sante  del  purgatorio  !  "  *  And 
there,  again,  a  railing  woman,  with  tangled 
and  dishevelled  hair,  rushes  from  her 
miserable  dwelling  in  search  of  some  re- 
fractory child,  filling  the  air  with  her  shrill 
and  vehement  abuse,  which  is  rendered 
doubly  revolting  from  being  uttered  in  the 
harsh  Bolognese  dialect ;  while  amidst  all 

*  For  the  souls  that  are  in  purgatory,  for  the  souls  that 
are  in  purgatory  ! 


RECANTATION.  103 

this  wretchedness  and  destitution  the  only 
beings  who  seem  well  clothed — well  fed — 
and  well  doing,  are  the  priests  who  literally 
swarm  in  the  streets,  and  like  the  seven 
kine  in  Pharaoh's  dream,  appear  to  have 
"eaten  up  all  that  was  good  in  the  land." 
I  asked  my  husband  what  could  be  the  rea- 
son of  this  surprising  contrast  to  Tuscany, 
and  the  excessive  misery  of  the  population  ; 
Che  vuoi?"  he  replied  shrugging  his  should- 
ers, "  Sono  i  preti  che  mangian  tutto."*  At 
Rimini,  where — as  if  in  memory  of  the  dark 
crime  that  stains  its  annals — desolation  and 
want  seemed  even  more  rife  than  in  the 
preceding  towns,  I  went  into  a  shop  to  make 
some  trifling  purchases,  leaving  Trionfi  at 
the  door  in  conversation  with  an  acquaint- 
ance he  had  accidentally  met  in  the  streets. 
The  owner  of  the  shop  was  a  garrulous  old 
man,  and  discovering  that  I  came  from  Flo- 
rence, he  lost  no  time  in  telling  me  that  he 
was  a  native  of  Tuscany — a  distinction  of 
which  he  was  not  a  little  proud  ; — then  find- 
ing me  a  patient  listener,  and  one  of  whom 

*  The  priests  eat  up  every  thing  ! 


104  RECANTATION. 

he  need  have  no  suspicion,  he  preceded  to 
indulge  in  unrestrained  censures  upon  the  dis- 
turbed and  miserable  condition  of  Romagna, 
which  he  contrasted  with  the  peace  and 
prosperity  enjoyed  by  his  own  country, 
under  the  benevolent  sway  of  the  present 
Grand  Duke  Leopold.  The  rude  and  un- 
cultivated Papalina,*  however,  he  affected 
to  pity  and  commiserate,  attributing  most 
of  their  faults  to  the  injustice  and  venality 
of  the  government;  with  whom,  as  he  ob- 
served— "un  poco  di  questo"  rubbing  his 
fore  and  middle  finger  significantly  against 
his  thumb,  thereby  denoting  money — "  un 
poco  di  questo,  Signora  mia,  fa  tutto  ;"^ — 
then,  with  respect  to  the  state  of  the  country, 
he  continued,  and  the  injustice  and  extortion 
that  prevailed, who  could  possibly  wonder 
at  it.  since  its  rulers  were  men  who  had  no 
children  ! 

The  truth  and  simplicity  of  his  reason- 
ing struck  me  most  forcibly,  and  involun- 
tarily brought  to  my  mind  the  wise  ordinance 
of  the  great  Jewish  Sanhedrim,  which 

*  Papal  subjects.       t  A  little  of  this  will  do  any  thing. 


RECANTATION.  105 

enacted  that  its  members  should  all  be  hus- 
bands and  fathers  of  children,  that  they  might 
be  acquainted  with  tenderness  and  compassion. 
I  did  not  repeat  what  I  had  just  heard  to 
my  husband,  as  from  his  vague  and  listless 
replies  to  some  of  my  previous  observations, 
I  feared  the  topic  was  distasteful  to  him, 
particularly  when  I  recollected  that  he  was 
a  subject  of  the  very  government  I  had  just 
heard  so  vehemently  decried.  I  endeavor- 
ed to  suppress  a  sigh  over  the  first  restraint 
upon  a  confidence  I  had  so  lately  hoped  to 
cherish  without  a  shadow  of  reserve ;  and 
strove  to  reconcile  myself  to  the  disap- 
pointment occasioned  by  my  first  impres- 
sions of  Romagna,  with  forming  bright 
visions  of  the  approaching  introduction  to 
my  new  relatives. 

From  Rimini  we  journeyed  to  Pesaro 
and  Sinigaglia,  which  last  was  formerly  a 
sea-port  of  some  importance,  and  is  still 
celebrated  for  its  annual  July  fair,  when  an 
immense  concourse  of  people  from  the  sur- 
rounding districts  and  neighboring  countries 
assemble  within  the  town.  As  we  ap- 
proached the  sea-coast  the  country  assumed 
6 


106  RECANTATION. 

a  more  cheerful  and  flourishing  appear- 
ance ;  the  peasantry  were  less  fierce  and 
savage  in  their  demeanor,  and  the  Italian 
which  they  spoke,  although  coarse  in  com- 
parison to  the  pure  and  refined  Tuscan, 
was  still  infinitely  preferable  to  the  "  pa- 
tois "  I  had  heard  in  the  interior.  The  ul- 
timate place  of  our  destination  was  N ; 

a  populous  city,  not  many  miles  distant 
from  the  shores  of  the  Adriatic,  where  my 
mother-in-law  had  already  been  residing  for 
several  months,  in  order  to  superintend  a 
tedious  law-suit  concerning  some  of  her 
estates  in  the  vicinity :  it  had  been  arrang- 
ed, however,  that  previous  to  joining  her 
there,  we  were  to  visit  La  Marchesa  Castel- 
Franco,  a  favorite  aunt  of  my  husband's, 
who  was  anxiously  expecting  our  arrival. 
Our  road  to  San  Fortunate,  where  the  Mar- 
chesa passed  the  summer  months,  diverged 
from  the  beaten  route,  and  was  sufficiently 
uninteresting  to  leave  me  full  leisure  for  oc- 
cupying my  mind  with  numberless  fanciful 
anticipations.  Having  been  told  that  she 
lived  on  a  great  scale  of  hospitality,  and 
that  her  house  was  always  filled  with  visi- 


RECANTATION.  107 

tors,  I  not  unnaturally  pictured  to  myself  a 
Palladian  villa,  with  gardens,  and  marble 
terraces,  and  fountains,  and  all  the  other 
attractions  we  usually  associate  with  an 
Italian  summer  residence.  I  felt  greatly 
disappointed  at  the  wild  and  barren  aspect 
of  the  country,  as  we  approached,  which, 
parched  and  withered  by  the  heat  of  the 
sun,  had  not  a  tree,  nor  even  a  blade  of 
grass,  to  relieve  its  dreary  monotony ;  and 
the  first  appearance  of  the  villa,  which  was 
merely  a  large  irregularly-built  house, 
standing  on  arising  ground  that  overlooked 
the  dusty  road,  completely  destroyed  all 
my  romantic  visions.  We  wound  up  a 
steep  path-way,  and  entered  a  court-yard 
hung  with  lines  for  drying  linen  ;  while  the 
deep  and  most  unmusical  sounds  that 
greeted  my  ears,  as  I  stepped  from  the  car- 
riage, gave  unequivocal  proofs  that  a  rough- 
ly-constructed edifice,  which  stood  beside 
the  entrance,  served  as  a  habitation  for  the 
Majali*  that  were  fattening  for  the  Mar- 
chesa's  table.  » 

*Pig«. 


108  RECANTATION. 

Three  or  four  buxom  peasant  girls,  now 
starting  forward,  informed  us  that  I  Pa- 
droni* were  gone  for  a  drive,  not  expecting 
us  to  arrive  so  early  ;  and  then,  with  will- 
ing although  clumsy  alacrity,  they  proceed- 
ed to  unload  the  carriage,  and  carry  our 
luggage  to  the  rooms  which  had  been  as- 
signed to  us.  We  were  now  ushered  into 
a  large  hall  on  the  ground  floor,  and  thence 
up  a  handsome  stone  staircase  into  a 
spacious  sala  or  sitting-room,  with  three 
windows  at  one  end  facing  the  sea,  and  an 
equal  number  of  doors  on  either  side,  each 
of  which  opened  into  a  sleeping  apartment. 
The  only  furniture  consisted  of  small 
Turkish  sofas,  or  divans,  covered  with  white 
dimity,  placed  against  the  wall  in  the  va- 
cant spaces  left  by  the  numerous  doors;  a 
few  rush-bottomed  chairs,  and  a  small 
round  table  with  a  marble  top,  called  in 
this  part  of  Italy  un  dejeune,  which  appears 
a  singularly  inappropriate  denomination,  in- 
asmuch as  I  afterwards  discovered  that  it  is 
not  the  custom  of  the  country  to  make  any 

*  Their  maater  and  mistress. 


RECANTATION.  109 

^ 

use  of  it  in  this  capacity,  or,  in  fact,  ever 
take  any  breakfast  at  all.  I  could  not 
discover  traces  of  either  books  or  newspa- 
pers about  the  room,  and  after  having  ar- 
ranged my  dress,  in  anxious  expectation  of 
the  Marchese's  return,  I  was  forced  to  be- 
take myself  to  the  inspection  of  some 
colored  prints  which  hung  around  the 
walls ;  but  I  soon  turned  away  in  silent 
disgust  on  discovering  that  they  were 
French  caricatures,  of  so  coarse  and  revolt- 
ing a  description,  that  no  woman  of  modesty 
could  view  them  unmoved. 

I  did  not  make  any  comment  to  my 
husband  on  a  circumstance  which  occasion- 
ed me  so  much  surprise ;  for  I  knew  these 
scenes  were  iamiliar  to  him  from  his  boy- 
hood, and  that  he  naturally  would  feel  an- 
noyed if  I  already  began  to  criticise  the  ar- 
rangements of  his  aunt's  "  menage." 

In  a  few  minutes  we  heard  the  sound  of 
carriage-wheels,  and  Trionfi  hastened  down 
stairs  to  greet  our  hostess,  leaving  me  to 
await  her  appearance,  in  not  unnatural 
trepidation  at  the  prospect  of  a  first  inter- 
view with  one  of  rny  new  relations.  She  al- 


110  RECANTATION. 

most  immediately  entered  the  room,  leaning 
on  her  nephew's  arm,  and  received  me  with 
great  kindness  and  cordiality  ;  and  then, 
with  that  perfect  ease  of  manner  which  in- 
variably pertains  to  an  Italian  woman  of 
high  birth,  she  contrived  at  once  to  break 
through  the  formality  of  our  meeting,  and 
place  rne  upon  the  unrestrained  footing  of 
the  other  members  of  her  family. 

I  was  now  presented  to  the  Marchese, 
a  quiet  gentlemanly  man,  who  had  hitherto 
stood  unperceived  behind  his  wife  ;  I  never 
saw  a  couple  more  strikingly  dissimilar,  and 
I  often  wondered  how  they  could  have  lived 
together  for  so  many  years  in  such  good  un- 
derstanding and  harmony  ;  for  his  tall  thin 
figure  did  not  present  a  greater  contrast  to 
her  portly  dimensions,  than  his  gentle  and 
retiring  manners  to  her  shrill  voice  and 
vehement  gesticulation. 

After  a  short  time,  the  guests  staying  in 
the  house,  who  had  considerately  kept  away 
until  our  first  greetings  were  over,  came  up 
stairs,  and  were  successively  presented  to 
me.  Although  the  growing  obscurity  of  the 
evening  prevented  me  from  distinguishing 


RECANTATION.  Ill 

their  faces,  loud  sounds  of  kissing  were  then 
heard,  as  those  amongst  the  gentlemen  who 
had  previously  been  acquainted  with  Trionfi 
now  saluted  him  warmly  on  both  cheeks, 
and  joyfully  welcomed  him  back  to  Ho- 
rn agna. 

With  the  natural  good  breeding  and 
sociability  of  their  nation,  the  Italians  all 
seemed  anxious  to  remove  the  timidity  I 
experienced  at  finding  myself  suddenly 
thrown  amidst  so  many  strangers ;  I  was 
universally  complimented  on  my  proficiency 
in  their  language,  and  told  with  many  pretty 
speeches  how  much  pleasure  my  arrival 
had  occasioned,  and  with  what  exultation  I 
was  received  amongst  them  as  a  country- 
woman. I  gratefully  acknowledged  their 
kindness,  and  having  once  more  persuaded 
myself  that  the  charms  of  Italian  society, 
would  prove  no  delusion,  felt  completely 
tranquil  and  reassured  ere  the  servant  en- 
tered with  the  light.  I  say  light,  because 
all  that  appeared  was  a  solitary  small  brass 
lucernci,  moulded  in  the  classic  form  of  the 
ancient  Etruscan  lamps ;  it  had  three  burn- 
ers, but  of  which  only  one  was  lighted,  and 


112  RECANTATION. 

as  the  Marchesa  always  turned  that  in  the 
direction  where  she  sat  diligently  pursuing 
her  knitting,  the  rest  of  the  room  was  conse- 
quently enveloped  in  darkness.     The  com- 
pany, however,  never  seemed  to  look  upon 
this  as  a  privation,  for  since  talking  was 
their  only  occupation,  they  did  not  require 
light  to  enable  them  to  pursue  it.     By  the 
uncertain  glimmering  of  the  lucerna  I  endea- 
vored to  realize  some  idea  of  my  new  as- 
sociates, who  w*ere  carelessly  seated  on  the 
low  divans  that  formed  the  chief  furniture 
of  the  room ;  the  only  lady  present,  except 
our  hostess,  was  a  Contessa  from  Spoleto, 
a  cousin  of  the  Marchesa3  whose  surname  I 
was  for  a  long  time  unable  to  discover,  as 
she  was  universally  addressed  as  la  Con- 
tessa Mariuccia,  which  in  this   country  is 
the   familiar   appellation   for   Maria.     She 
had  come   to  San   Fortunate   for   a  little 
change  of  air  and  distrazione  after  a  violent 
attack  of  gastric  fever,  the  scourge  of  the 
inland   districts    of    Romagna    during   the 
summer  months ;  and  presuming,  I  suppose, 
on  her  being  an  invalid,  did  not  expend  any 
needless  attention  on  her  toilet,  which  con- 


RECANTATION.  J 13 

sisted  of  a  loose  morning  neglige  and  yellow 
slippers. 

A  very  tall  young  man  seated  beside 
her,  next  attracted  my  attention,  from  the 
silence  he  observed  amidst  the  general  buzz 
of  voices  that  surrounded  him  ;  he  was  the 
eldest  son  of  an  Anconitan  prince,  and  re- 
markable as  being  the  only  Italian  I  ever 
met  who  was  not  fond  of  talking. 

There  were  also  present  a  Roman  painter 
of  the  name  of  Santini,  and  a  young  medical 
student  from  Bologna  ;  both  of  them  proteges 
of  the  Marchesa,  who,  anxious  to  support 
her  reputation  for  liberal  principles  and  im- 
partiality, endeavored  to  re-unite  all  classes 
at  her  house.  But  by  far  the  most  inter- 
esting of  all  the  visitors  was  a  venerable 
Capuchin  friar,  Padre  Stefano,  uncle  to  the 
Marchesa,  who  had  been  permitted  to  leave 
his  convent  for  the  benefit  of  sea-bathing 
at  San  Fortunate,  with  a  young  novice  of 
the  order  who  accompanied  him. 

In  the  position  in  which  the  old  man  sat, 
with  the  rays  of  light  from  the  solitary  lamp 
falling  upon  his  high  and  polished  forehead, 
and  long  silvery  beard,  he  reminded  me  of 


114  RECANTATION. 

some  of  Guercino's  finest  studies,  and  pre- 
sented an  appearance  worthy  of  any  artist's 
pencil.  Although  worn  and  emaciated  from 
self-imposed  penance  and  mortification,  an 
air  of  nobleness  and  dignity  still  pervaded 
his  form;  and  there  was  a  fire  and  enthusi- 
asm in  his  deep-set  eye,  which  all  the  rigid 
discipline  and  austerity  of  his  order  had 
been  unable  to  quench  or  destroy  ;  he  was 
attired  in  the  loose  robe  of  coarse  brown 
cloth  peculiar  to  his  order,  secured  by  a 
girdle  of  knotted  cords  around  his  waist, 
and  sandals  bound  by  leathern  thongs  upon 
his  naked  feet.  With  a  mixture  of  awe  and 
admiration  I  continued  to  gaze  upon  the 
venerable  friar,  till  my  attention  was  at- 
tracted to  his  youthful  companion  ;  but  far 
different  were  the  feelings  with  which  I 
viewed  this  fair  golden-haired  boy,  who, 
self-doomed  to  a  life  of  poverty  and  seclu- 
sion, unavoidably  awoke  the  deepest  pity 
and  regret. 

In  conformity  to  the  strict  rules  of  the 
noviciate,  he  was  not  permitted  to  raise  his 
eyes  from  the  ground  for  the  space  of  three 
years,  nor  even  to  speak  without  permission 


RECANTATION.  115 

from  his  superior.  He  could  scarcely  have 
been  more  than  seventeen,  and  when  I 
looked  upon  his  smooth  and  almost  childlike 
countenance,  and  noted  the  roguish  sparkle 
that  his  drooping  lids  could  scarcely  con- 
ceal, as  he  tried  to  steal  a  glance  around 
the  room,  I  involuntarily  asked  myself, 
whether  an  existence  passed  in  the  dreary 
retirement  of  the  cloister,  and  from  whence 
all  recreation  or  enjoyment  seemed  to  be 
cut  off,  could  be  pleasing  in  the  sight  of  the 
Almighty,  or  consonant  with  the  mild  and 
benevolent  spirit  of  Christianity  ? 

My  reflections  were  interrupted  by  the 
withdrawing  of  Padre  Stefano ;  pleading 
his  ill  health  as  an  excuse  for  retiring  so 
early,  he  bowed  courteously  to  all  present, 
and  quitted  the  room,  followed  by  the 
novice,  who,  with  a  silent  inclination  of  the 
head,  vanished  like  a  dark  shadow  behind 
his  superior. 

A  few  minutes  afterwards  I  heard  a 
monotonous  chant  proceeding  from  one  of 
the  adjoining  rooms,  and  inquired  what 
those  sounds  could  be,  to  which  the  Mar- 
chesa  replied,  that  "  it  was  only  the  Frati, 


116  RECANTATION. 

poveri  diavoli!  saying  their  uffizio*  for  the 
evening;  and  when  I  expressed  my  com- 
miseration at  the  strictness  of  discipline  to 
which  the  novice  appeared  subjected,  she 
exclaimed,  "  You  may  spare  your  pity, 
carina,  for  that  lazy  vagabond!  Bad  as 
this  life  would  seem  to  you,  he  prefers  it 
to  working  in  the  fields,  which  is  his  proper 
avocation.  He  is  the  son  of  &fattorei  in  the 
neighborhood,  but  as  he  was  always  of  an 
idle  disposition  he  fancied  he  had  a  calling 
for  the  cloister,  where — if  there  are  fewer 
pleasures — there  are  certainly  less  cares 
and  fatigue  than  in  a  more  active  career." 

"  Do  they  not  however  require  much 
study  and  preparation  before  their  final  ad- 
mission into  the  order  ?  "  I  inquired. 

"  Niente  affatto  !  "$  To  be  a  lay-brother 
of  the  convent  is  all  that  boy  aspires  to ; 
little  enough  learning  is  demanded  of  the 
higher  grades,  those  who  become  priests  as 
well  as  friars,  and  have  the  privilege  of  say- 
ing mass  : — but  as  for  the  inferior  order,  if 


Canonical  prayers.  t  Farmer. 

$  "  Not  at  all." 


RECANTATION.  117 

a  laico*  can  mumble  over  his  breviary,  write 
a  little,  and  possesses  a  tolerable  knowledge 
of  the  Vita  de'  Santi — he  is  fully  qualified  for 
all  the  duties  of  his  calling." 

"  Ma  cara  Marchesa,  mia"  observed  the 
Countess  from  Spoleto,  "you  forget  what 
terrible  privation  all  have  to  undergo  during 
their  noviciate..  Besides  the  penance  of 
neither  being  able  to  speak  nor  look  up — 
their  food  during  six  months  of  the  year 
must  be  prepared  without  even  the  common 
seasoning  of  salt;  and,  if  they  chance  to 
commit  any  little  mancanza,  they  are  some- 
times compelled  to  eat  off  the  ground, 
amongst  all  the  cats  and  dogs  belonging  to 
the  convent's  establishment. 

"  Si  dice"  replied  the  Marchesa,  shrug- 
ging up  her  shoulders,  "  they  say  so,  but 
who  knows  if  it  be  true  ?  And  after  all — 
granting  even  that  you  are  right — the  boy 
looks  upon  it  merely  as  a  temporary  proba- 
tion, to  which  he  soon  gets  accustomed,  and 
whence  he  will  emerge  into  a  station  of 
great  dignity  and  pride ;  entering  at  once 

*  Lay-brother. 


118  RECANTATION. 

into  the  discharge  of  his  office,  and  be  pri- 
vileged to  gather  in  all  contributions  for  the 
convent  stores.  He  will  then  rove  about 
the  country  with  a  sack  on  his  shoulders 
levying  supplies,  and  a  little  urchin  at  his 
heels,  who  carries  a  box  to  receive  the 
money  bestowed  by  pious  almsgivers,  which 
— most  delicate  distinction  ! — the  rules  of 
his  order  forbid  the  Capuchin  personally  to 
touch !  These  scruples,  however,  do  not 
extend  to  the  measure  of  grain,  or  flask  of 
wine,  of  which  the  miserable  peasantry 
often  deprive  their  famishing  children  to 
bestow  upon  these  ecclesiastical  mendi- 
cants, who  luxuriate  upon  their  spoils.  And 
then  the  strolling  friar  can  have  his  laugh 
and  his  gossip  with  all  the  comeliest  women 
in  the  neighborhood,  be  consulted  as  an 
oracle  in  all  domestic  concerns,  and  in  pro- 
cess of  time  may  even  obtain  the  reputation 
of  being  a  saint,  which  is  the  summit  of  all 

monastic  felicity  ;  and " 

"  And  perhaps  wind  up  the  whole  with 
the  same  finale  as  the  famous  frate  of  the 
Zoccolanti  at  C.,"  said  the  Roman  artist 
with  a  significant  laugh. 


RECANTATION.  119 

"  Che  cos'  e  stato?"  *  asked  my  husband 
eagerly.  "  Tell  me  all  about  it." 

"  Eh  !  caro  mio,  you  must  remember  it 
well,"  rejoined  the  painter  ;  "  that  laugh- 
able affair  at  C.  a  few  years  ago.  You 
surely  have  often  heard  the  Marchesa  tell 
the  story  !" 

But  as  Trionfi  declared  he  had  entirely 
forgotten  the  circumstance,  it  did  not  re- 
quire much  persuasion  to  induce  our  hostess 
to  give  a  detailed  account  of  an  occurrence, 
so  disgraceful  and  revolting,  that  during  its 
recital  I  felt  my  cheeks  suffused  with  burn- 
ing blushes ;  and  more  than  once  I  looked 
towards  my  husband,  in  surprise  at  the  to- 
tal unconcern  he  manifested  at  a  license  of 
speech  which  so  painfully  distressed  me. 
I  had  yet  to  learn  that  in  Italy  all  the  strict 
vigilance  with  which  girls  are  watched  and 
overlooked,  and  the  anxious  care  displayed 
to  keep  them  secluded  from  society,  origin- 
ates in  the  coarse  and  unscrupulous  style 
of  language  which  prevades  even  their  do- 
mestic circles.  But  once  entered  into  wed- 

*  «  What  occurred  then? " 


120  RECANTATION. 

lock,  all  previous  scruples  are  thrown  aside, 
— the  magic  circle  has  been  penetrated, 
and  the  charm  dissolved, — and  however 
young,  however  innocent  and  artless,  the 
presence  of  the  bride  no  longer  imposes 
any  restraint  upon  conversation,  which  has 
scarce  even  a  flimsy  veil  to  conceal  its  glar- 
ing impropriety  ! 

After  all  the  laughter  and  amusement 
occasioned  by  this  anecdote  had  subsided, 
the  Contessa  Mariuccia  reverted  to  the  pre- 
vious subject  of  discussion,  and  taxed  the 
Marchesa  with  the  severity  of  her  censures 
upon  the  Frati.  "  They  are  not  all  influ- 
enced by  the  same  motives,"  she  said ; 
"  take,  for  instance,  the  Padre  Stefano,  who 
has  just  left  us." 

"  Ah  !  Padre  Stefano  is  not  to  be  named 
in  the  same  breath  with  any  of  these  pitiful 
wretches,"  indignantly  exclaimed  the  Mar- 
chesa ;  and  then,  with  a  touch  of  deep  feel- 
ing that  I  should  not  have  looked  for  in  her, 
she  added,  "  It  is  not  for  us  to  seek  to  in- 
vestigate the  causes  which  induced  him  to 
assume  the  religious  habit :  all  we  know  is, 
that  his  resolution  could  not  have  been 


RECANTATION.  121 

lightly  or  carelessly  formed,  nor  did  it  pro- 
ceed from  any  selfish  or  interested  motives." 

"  Certamente,  in  quanta  al  Padre  Stefano 
cavo  il  capello"  *  said  Don  Eugenio,  the 
young  Anconitan,  who  had  not  yet  spoken  ; 
"if  all  Frati  were  like  him,  and  only  pro- 
fessed when  they  were  weary  of  the  world, 
and  anxious  for  a  tranquil  asylum,  Italy 
would  be  in  a  different  condition  from 
what  it  is  now  !" 

"Well  said!"  cried  the  Marchesa; 
"  and  now  listen  to  my  prediction, — that, 
whenever  Eugenio  grows  tired  of  his  life, 
and  turns  devotee,  he  will  enter  the  con- 
vent of  the  Monte  d'Ancona !  For  there, 
you  know,  the  monks  never  speak  oftener 
than  three  times  a  year,  which  is  a  regula- 
tion entirely  suited  to  his  taste." 

"  What  institution  is  that  ?"  inquired 
the  young  Bolognese  ;  "  I  never  heard  of  it 
before." 

"  Not  heard  of  the  Certosini  at  the  Monte 
d'Ancona !  Ma,  Ferdinando  mio,  clie  sei 
forse  un  Bambino  ?  "  * 

*  Certainly,  respecting  Father  Stephen  I  quite  agree, 
t  Equivalent  to  "  Were  you  born  yesterday  ?  " 


122  RECANTATION. 

"  Then  I  am  a  Bambino,  too,"  said  I, 
smiling  ;  "  for  though  I  am  now  a  Romag- 
nola,  I  know  nothing  of  this  celebrated  con- 
vent." Oh,  Conscience,  Conscience !  why 
was  it  necessary  to  stifle  that  heavy  sigh, 
even  while  I  smiled  ? 

They  were  all  much  pleased  with  the 
little  compliment  this  speech  implied  ;  and 
my  husband,  in  particular,  looked  delighted 
at  the  favorable  impression  I  had  made, 
while  the  Marchesa  willingly  resumed — 

"  You  must  know,  then,  that  this  fa- 
mous monastery  is  built  upon  a  high  moun- 
tain running  out  into  the  sea,  about  ten 
miles  further  down  the  coast  than  Ancona, 
and  the  rules  of  the  order  are  in  ma- 
ny respects  similar  to  those  of  La  Trappe 
and  la  Grande  Chartreuse  ;  Vi  parlero  di 
queste  un  altra  volta"  *  she  considerately  ob- 
served to  her  auditors,  to  most  of  whom  the 
names  even  of  these  institutions  seemed 
completely  unknown.  "  These  friars  pass 
their  lives  in  cheerless  solitude,  and  observe 
the  greatest  abstemiousness  in  their  fare, 

"  I  will  speak  of  these  another  time." 


RECANTATION.  123 

never  varying  from  the  established  diet  of 
vegetables  and  milk.  At  stated  hours  they 
assemble  in  the  Refectory,  were  they  par- 
take of  their  meals  in  unbroken  silence  dur- 
ing the  whole  course  of  the  year,  excepting 
at  Christmas,  Easter,  and  one  other  great 
festival,  when  they  are  permitted  to  speak. 
They  may  not  go  beyond  the  walls  of  the 
convent,  and  gather  no  news  of  the  world 
without,  except  from  such  strangers  as  oc- 
casionally visit  the  Monte,  and  claim  a 
night's  hospitality  at  the  convent.  One  in- 
stance only,  that  occurred  a  few  years 
since,  is  recorded  of  shelter  having  been 
sought  for  and  denied, — and  that  was  at- 
tended with  circumstances  of  dark  and  pe- 
culiar interest.  A  young  Anconitan,  re- 
turning homeward  after  a  day's  shooting, 
was  overtaken,  while  crossing  the  moun- 
tain, by  a  violent  thunder-storm  ;  night  was 
fast  closing,  and  he  hastened  to  reach  the 
convent,  where  he  well  knew  he  would 
meet  with  a  kindly  reception.  Arrived  at 
the  entrance,  he  knocked  loudly  for  admit- 
tance :  but  receiving  no  answer,  he  waited 
a  few  minutes,  and  then  loudly  repeated 


124  RECANTATION. 

the  summons,  but  still  in  vain.  He  now 
shouted  for  help,  striving  to  make  his  voice 
heard  amid  the  rolling  of  the  thunder  and 
the  raging  of  the  distant  waves  as  they  beat 
on  the  rocks  beneath  him ;  and,  finally, 
commenced  battering  the  gate  with  the  butt- 
end  of  his  rifle,  in  a  despairing  effort  to  at- 
tract attention.  At  length  the  heavy  door 
grated  on  its  hinges,  and  a  monk,  with  a 
bunch  of  keys  in  his  girdle,  and  a  blazing 
torch  of  pine-wood  in  his  hand,  stood  before 
him.  '  Go  in  peace,  my  son  !'  was  his  un- 
usual and  hurried  address.  '  Go  in  peace  ; 
may  the  Virgin  and  saints  be  with  you,  for 
you  can  have  no  help  from  man  this  night !' 
and  he  was  abruptly  retiring,  when  the  un- 
fortunate sportsman,  almost  worked  up  to 
madness,  assailed  him  with  such  pite- 
ous entreaties,  mingled  with  imprecations 
against  the  unheard-of  barbarity  of  leaving 
him  to  perish  in  the  storm,  that  the  old  man 
at  last  relented,  and  permitted  his  unwel- 
come visitor  to  enter.  After  passing  through 
many  intricate  and  winding  passages,  and 
ascending  several  flights  of  steps,  but  dimly 
lighted  by  the  uncertain  flame  of  the  torch, 


RECANTATION.  125 

they  arrived  at  a  cell,  situated  at  the  ex- 
tremity of  a  long  corridor,  into  which  the 
monk  ushered  his  guest.  Nothing  could  be 
more  chilling  than  its  appearance,  or  more 
forlorn  and  desolate  than  the  young  man's 
feelings,  when  the  friar,  having  brought 
him  a  flask  of  wine  and  some  provisions, 
and  lit  a  lamp  that  stood  on  a  rude  deal 
table  in  the  centre,  abruptly  quitted  the 
room,  carefully  locking  the  door  on  the  out- 
side, and  replacing  the  key  amongst  the 
bunch  in  his  girdle,  which  the  poor  prisoner 
heard  jingling  most  unmusically  till  the 
sounds  were  lost  in  the  windings  of  some 
distant  gallery.  Once  more  all  was  still — 
so  fearfully,  so  oppressively  still,  that  it 
seemed  like  the  sudden  calm  which  pre- 
cedes some  terrible  earthquake,  and  fore- 
bodes impending  calamity  ;  when  suddenly 
the  dread  silence  was  broken  by  the  tolling 
of  a  passing-bell,  and  a  chorus  of  deep 
voices  that  rose  and  fell  from  a  plaintive 
wailing  cry  to  a  low  and  sullen  murmur, 
were  heard  chaunting  the  service  appointed 
for  the  dying.  At  that  solemn  hour,  and  in 


126  RECANTATION. 

that  lonely  cell,  a  stouter  heart  would  have 
quailed  at  those  melancholy  sounds  ;  and 
the  young  man  turned  cold,  and  trembled 
as  if  struck  with  supernatural  awe  ;  but 
soon,  however,  recovering  himself,  he  con- 
jectured that  it  could  only  be  the  monks 
praying  in  the  chapel  for  the  soul  of  some 
departing  brother  ;  and  his  curiosity  to  wit- 
ness a  ceremony  from  which  the  old  friar 
had  so  plainly  determined  he  should  be 
rigorously  excluded,  completely  triumphed 
over  his  fears,  and  he  immediately  proceed- 
ed to  attempt  an  escape  from  his  place  of 
confinement. 

"  The  door  at  first  resisted  all  his  efforts  ; 
but  the  lock  was  old,  and  the  youth  per- 
severing, and  by  dint  of  some  ingenuity, 
and  the  assistance  of  a  large  clasp-knife  he 
carried  with  him,  it  at  last  yielded  to  his 
repeated  attempts,  and  he  again  found 
himself  in  the  corridor  through  which  he 
had  been  ushered  by  the  monk.  At  the 
opposite  end  he  perceived  a  row  of  small  cir- 
cular windows,  which,  as  he  rightly  conjec- 
tured, looked  into  the  chapel :  slowly  and 


RECANTATION.  127 

cautiously  he  approached,  and  gazing  from 
one  of  these  apertures,  obtained  a  distinct 
view  of  all  that  was  passing  beneath. 

"  The  whole  community,  arrayed  in  their 
white  robes  and  scapularies,  with  lighted 
tapers  in  their  hands,  were  assembled  in 
the  middle  aisle  :  in  the  centre  of  the  group, 
and  conspicuous  from  his  lofty  and  com- 
manding figure,  stood  a  young  friar,  in  the 
prime  of  vigor  and  manly  grace.  His  cowl 
was  thrown  back  upon  his  shoulders,  and 
left  his  shaven  head,  with  its  fringe  of 
brown  silky  hair,  and  his  finely-formed 
throat,  completely  exposed ;  the  ghastly 
whiteness  of  his  face,  of  which  the  still  beau- 
tiful features  were  drawn  and  convulsed  with 
agony — his  livid  lips  so  firmly  compressed 
that  they  seemed  to  form  but  one  blue  line 
— his  eyes,  of  which  the  pride  and  fire  even 
then  were  hardly  quenched,  and  from 
whose  long  dark  lashes  the  heavy  tears 
dropped  sullenly  upon  his  cheeks,  while  he 
vainly  strove  to  raise  his  fettered  hands  to 
brush  away  these  tokens  of  his  weakness — 
all  told  the  fearful  tale  !  Yes  ;  it  was  for 
him  that  the  heavy  toll  of  the  <  Agonia '  still 


128  RECANTATION. 

echoed  through  the  stormy  air,  and  for  his 
departing  soul  that  rose  the  funeral  chaunt ! 

"  A  coffin  on  tressels  was  placed  before 
him,  and  on  one  side  stood  a  monk  with  a 
bright  and  glittering  axe ;  on  the  other  a 
venerable  brother  upheld  a  massive  cruci- 
fix, towards  which  the  unhappy  criminal 
strove  to  rivet  his  attention  ;  but  it,  seemed 
as  if  memory  was  busy  at  his  heart,  and 
thoughts  of  by-gone  days,  with  fruitless  and 
vain  regrets,  and  the  bitter  consciousness 
that  his  secret  doom  would  for  ever  remain 
unknown  and  unavenged, — all  crowded  up- 
on him,  as  he  writhed  in  bitter  though  una- 
vailing anguish.  And  now  the  last  toll  of 
the  death-bell  had  ceased  to  reverberate, 
and  the  final  prayers  were  offered  up  for 
him  so  shortly  to  be  numbered  with  the 
dust,  and  cut  off  in  the  prime  of  youth  and 
vigor, — not  at  the  summons  of  his  Creator, 
but  by  the  judgment  of  a  dark  and  self- 
constituted  tribunal. 

"The  monks  formed  into  a  line  and 
slowly  left  the  church  through  a  door  which 
apparently  led  into  the  court-yard,  followed 
by  the  miserable  culprit — for  such  he  must 


RECANTATION.  129 

have  been — although  the  sin  for  which  he 
died  has  always  remained  untold.  Behind 
him  was  carried  the  coffin  yawning  to  re- 
ceive its  victim,  and  the  remainder  of  the 
brotherhood  closed  the  melancholy  proces- 
sion. The  unseen  gazer  grew  sick  and 
faint,  yet  by  an  involuntary  impulse  he 
stretched  himself  as  forward  as  the  narrow 
limits  of  the  window  would  permit,  and 
strove  to  gain  some  view  of  what  was  pass- 
ing in  the  yard  :  he  saw  the  glimmering  of 
the  tapers,  and  then  fancied  he  heard  a 
stifled  shriek, — followed  by  a  dull  heavy 
sound,  which  told  of  the  murderous  stroke  ! 

"His  head  swam — and  the  cold  dew 
stood  upon  his  brow,  while  he  remained  as 
if  rooted  to  the  spot,  until  the  sound  of 
voices  returning  into  the  chapel,  roused  him 
from  his  stupor.  Hastily  retreating  to  his 
cell,  he  secured  the  clumsy  lock  so  as  to 
show  no  traces  of  its  having  been  opened, 
and  throwing  himself  on  the  pallet-bed  that 
stood  in  one  corner,  vainly  endeavored  to 
forget  in  sleep  the  fearful  scene  he  had  just 
witnessed. 

"Early  in  the  morning  he  was  summon- 
7 


130  RECANTATION. 

ed  by  the  same  friar  who  had  admitted  him 
to  the  convent,  and  now  came  to  hasten  his 
departure.  Joyfully  did  he  obey  the  call, 
and  shook  the  dust  from  his  feet  as  he 
emerged  from  the  walls  of  the  monastery, 
with  the  consciousness  that  he  was  safe 
in  life  and  limb,  and  could  incur  no  dan- 
ger so  long  as  the  fearful  secret  was  unre- 
vealed.  Except  his  confessor,  one  or  two 
persons  only  were  depositaries  of  his  confi- 
dence, and  religiously  maintained  the  trust 
reposed  in  them.  He  is  dead  now,  how- 
ever, and  it  is  no  violation  of  friendship  to 
recount  this  tale,  particularly  as  his  name 
will  never  be  divulged." 

"He  was  fortunate  to  get  ofF  so  well," 
observed  the  artist, — "for  had  the  monks 
only  suspected  what  he  knew,  they  would 
never  have  allowed  him  to  escape  out  of 
their  clutches." 

"Indeed  he  was,"  replied  the  Marchese  ; 
"for  woe  to  the  man  who  incurs  the  resent- 
ment of  either  priests  or  friars  !  You  will 
think  it  strange  in  me  to  say  so," — he  add- 
ed gently,  turning  towards  me, — "but  it  is 
nevertheless  too  true  ;  they  who  should  give 


RECANTATION.  131 

us  the  chief  example  of  meekness  and  for- 
bearance, are  always  the  most  implacable 
and  unforgiving.  It  is  better,  however,  to 
offend  a  priest  than  a  friar :  for  in  the  one 
case  all  animosity  ceases  with  his  life  ;  but 
in  the  other  it  is  perpetuated  amongst  an 
entire  community." 

"Yes,  that  is  undeniable,"  said  the  Con- 
tessa;  "and  I  know  an  instance  of  it  in  my 
own  family,  when  the  wrath  of  a  whole 
convent  was  poured  forth  upon  one  of  my 
uncles,  the  Marchese  O.,  merely  for  an  act 
of  justice  and  paternal  affection  !  You  re- 
member my  uncle  O.,  Marchesa  ?  he  who 
married  La  Santarelli  of  Narni,  neice  to  the 
Cardinal  Tesoriere  ?  Ah,  it  was  fortunate 
for  him  that  his  wife  had  such  a  powerful 
relation,  to  help  him  out  of  all  the  difficul- 
ties he  fell  into  with  the  monks  at  S , 

when  he  rescued  his  brother  out  of  Gerusa- 
lemme  !" 

"Gerusalemme  !"  exclaimed  the  young 
Bolognese  :  "your  uncle  must  have  been 
un  uomo  particolare,*  Signora  Contessa,  to 

*  An  extraordinary  man. 


132  RECANTATION. 

undertake  such  a  journey  through  love  to 
his  brother!" 

"Scu.n,  Signor  Ferdinando,  but  you  do 
not  understand  the  sort  of  Gerusalemme  I 
mean,  which  is  a  name  given  by  the  monks 
to  a  dungeon  under  the  convent,  where  the  re- 
fractory Lrethen  us«id  to  he  immured.  As 
the  true  meaning  of  this  expression  was 
confined  to  themselves,  it  was  no  violence 
to  their  conscience  to  reply  to  any  inquiries 
after  some  unfortunate  creature  who  might 
be  languishing  in  this  frightful  prison,  that 
he  was  gone  to  Jerusalem, — and  for  two 
whole  years  did  my  uncle  invariably  receive 
this  answer,  whenever  he  went  to  ask  for 
news  of  his  brother,  Padre  Giovanni,  who 
at  the  commencement  of  that  period  had 
most  unaccountably  disappeared. 

"At  length  two  natives  of  the  town  who 
had  been  absent  on  a  pilgrimage  to  the  Holy 
Land  returned  home,  and  my  uncle  imme- 
diately sent  for  them,  in  the  hope  of  hearing 
some  more  explicit  tidings  of  his  brother. 
To  his  astonishment,  they  positively  assur- 
ed him  that  Padre  Giovanni  had  never  ap- 
peared in  Palestine  ;  this  intelligence,  cou- 


RECANTATION.  133 

pled  with  some  mysterious  warnings  he  had 
lately  received,  now  completely  awakened 
his  suspicions,  and  being  a  man  of  great 
energy  arid  promptitude,  he  at  once  decided 
how  to  act,  and  lost  no  time  in  carrying  his 
resolution  into  effect.  Taking  with  him 
several  servants,  he  hastened  to  the  convent, 
and  demanded  to  see  the  superior,  by 
whom  he  was,  as  usual,  received  with  the 
utmost  distinction.  The  Signor  Priore  was, 
if  possible,  more  prodigal  than  ever  of  his 
assurance  of  esteem  and  respect,  in  which 
he  declared  the  whole  community  partici- 
pated— not  only  towards  the  Signor  Mar- 
chese  personally,  but  to  all  his  noble  family 
besides  ;  at  the  same  time  he  was  plainly 
ill  at  ease,  and  cast  many  anxious  glances 
at  the  number  of  attendants  who  had  fol- 
lowed their  master  unbidden  into  his  pre- 
sence. After  the  customary  inquiries  after 
his  brother,  and  the  unvarying  reply  that  he 
was  supposed  to  be  still  in  Jerusalem, 
which  the  old  hypocrite  accompanied  by 
sighs  and  lamentations  over  the  prolonged  ab- 
sence of  his  son  and  disciple, — the  Marchese 
gave  a  preconcerted  signal  to  his  servants, 


134  RECANTATION. 

and  the  door  was  promptly  secured.  He 
then  abruptly  confronted  the  astounded 
Priore  ;  *  Now,  Padre  River  endo^  said  he — 
*  Senza  complimenti — either  give  me  back  my 
brother,  who,  I  have  reason  to  know,  is  lan- 
guishing in  most  unwarrantable  confine- 
ment within  these  walls,  or  instantly  prepare 
yourself  to  be  thrown  headlong  from  that 
window,' — and  the  servants  advanced  in  a 
body,  as  if  to  fulfil  their  master's  threat !  " 

"  Oh  che  gusto  /"  exclaimed  all  the  guests 
simultaneously — "  Che  placer e  !  " 

"Ehi !  It  may  be  a  piacere  for  you  who 
listen  now,"  resumed  the  Countess,  ubut 
the  Priore  did  not  exactly  find  it  so  at  that 
moment,  when  his  life  was  in  greater  jeo- 
pardy than  it  had  ever  been  since  a  grand 
Indigestione  one  Easter  Monday  many  years 
before  !  And  what  with  his  pride  and  ter- 
ror, each  stuggling  for  the  mastery — he 
nearly  died  of  passione  ere  he  could  summon 
resolution  to  give  up  the  keys,  and  order 
Padre  Giovanni  to  be  liberated. 

"You  may  imagine  to  yourselves  the  de- 
light of  the  meeting  between  the  brothers, 
although  my  uncle's  happiness  was  griev- 


RECANTATION.  135 

ously  diminished  on  discovering  the  dread- 
ful state  of  suffering  to  which  upwards  of 
two  years  confinement  in  a  damp  and  noi- 
some dungeon,  many  feet  below  the  surface 
of  the  ground,  had  reduced  the  unhappy 
prisoner.  This  affair  made  a  terrible  sen- 
sation throughout  the  country,  as  you  can 
readily  conceive.  The  Prior  fulminated 
his  anathemas  against  my  uncle  ;  every 
species  of  annoyance  was  resorted  to  against 
him,  and  he  was  threatened  with  proceed- 
ings in  the  Sant?  Uffizio,  for  contempt  of  ec- 
clesiastical authority  and  violation  of  the 
privileges  of  the  Clausura.  It  was  then  that 
the  cardinal  Tesoriere  took  my  uncle's  part, 
and  as  no  offence  could  be  proved  against 
Padre  Giovanni  to  authorize  such  tyrannical 
conduct,  which  was  rather  attributed  to 
jealousy  and  ill-will,  the  Prior  was  induced 
to  withdraw  his  clamorous  demands  for 
vengeance.  In  this  way  the  whole  thing 
was  gradually  hushed  up,  and  my  uncle  es- 
caped better  from  his  quarrel  with  thefrati 
than  his  most  sanguine  friends  had  at  first 
anticpated." 

"And  did  he  then  obtain  no  real  satis- 


136  RECANTATION. 

faction  for  the   barbarities  exercised  upon 
his  brother?"  I  inquired,  in  some  surprise. 

"  Satisfaction  !  Justice  !  Redress  ! "  in- 
terrupted the  Marchesa,  with  flashing  eyes, 
— "Where  can  these  be  found  beneath  a 
government  built  up  on  superstition,  and 
supported  by  fraud  ?  "  And  then  came  a 
sweeping  invective  against  all  priests, 
monks,  and  ecclesiastics,  of  whatever  order 
or  degree  ;  and,  alas  !  alas  !  against  the  re- 
ligion also  of  which  they  were  the  ministers. 

Some  desultory  conversation  now  follow- 
ed, but  it  fell  unheeded  on  my  ear,  as, 
weary  and  heavy-hearted,  I  leant  back  up- 
on the  sofa,  and  lapsed  into  a  train  of 
melancholy  reflections,  from  which  I  was 
aroused  by  the  voice  of  the  Marchesa,  who, 
attributing  my  silence  and  abstraction  to 
fatigue,  kindly  insisted  on  my  retiring  to 
rest. 

I  rose  early  the  next  morning,  in  hope 
of  enjoying  a  ramble  along  the  sea-shore 
with  my  husband ;  but  he  had  made  an  en- 
gagement to  go  out  with  some  of  his  friends, 
and  could  not  even  tell  me  at  what  hour  it 
was  likely  he  should  return.  I  looked  out 


RECANTATION.  137 

from  my  window  in  search  of  a  garden,  or 
shady  arbor,  where  I  might  sit  sheltered 
from  the  sun;  but  I  saw  nothing  except  a 
few  sheep  browzing  on  some  scanty  her- 
bage that  grew  on  the  banks  of  a  stream, 
at  no  great  distance  from  the  house,  where 
two  girls  were  employed  in  bleaching  linen  ; 
beyond  this  appeared  some  straggling  vines, 
and  a  few  stunted  olive  trees  ;  nor  could  I 
discover  any  other  traces  of  cultivation. 
The  prospect  was  not  inviting,  and  turning 
from  it  with  a  sigh,  I  took  my  writing-desk 
into  the  sola,  with  the  idea  of  commencing 
a  letter  to  my  mother. 

The  room  had  not  been  arranged  since 
the  previous  evening;  chairs  were  standing 
a.bout  in  all  directions  ;  the  sofa  cushions 
were  tumbled  and  ill  placed  ;  the  lucerna, 
with  an  extinguisher  placed  over  its  solita- 
ry wick,  stood  upon  the  table  ;  even  the  per- 
sia?ie  of  the  windows  were  not  thrown  open. 

The  sound  of  my  unavailing  attempts 
to  raise  the  clumsy  spring  which  secured 
these  blinds  brought  Annina  from  my  apart- 
ment, where  she  was  busied  in  disposing 
my  wardrobe  to  the  best  advantage  the 
7* 


138  RECANTATION. 

scanty  space  awarded  her  would  admit  of. 
"  Santa  Maria!"  she  ejaculated,  "  Che  son 
Christiani  forse  in  questo  paese  ?  "  *  then  sud- 
denly recollecting  herself,  she  checked  the 
observations  which  rose  to  her  lips,  and 
went  in  search  of  some  of  the  domestics  of 
the  house.  Immediately  afterwards  two 
of  the  damsels  I  had  seen  the  preceding 
afternoon,  hastened  into  the  room ;  and 
while  one  of  them  diligently  began  to  sweep 
the  dusty  floor,  the  other,  having  thrown 
open  the  windows  and  seen  that  I  was  pre- 
sent, scarcely  gave  herself  time  for  the  cus- 
tomary ceremony  of  kissing  my  hand,  ere 
she  flew  down  stairs  again  with  inconceiva- 
ble swiftness.  She  returned  in  a  few  mi- 
nutes, carrying  a  massive  silver  waiter, 
grown  dingy  from  want  of  cleaning,  on 
which  was  placed  a  coffee-pot  of  the  same 
metal,  filled  with  hot  water  ;  some  tea  in  a 
saucer,  and  another  cafetiere  of  china,  in 
which  this  tea  was  to  be  infused  ;  a  plate, 
filled  with  slice?  of  toasted  bread;  a  little 
butter,  procured,  as  I  afterwards  discovered, 

*  Are  they  Christians  in  this  country? 


RECANTATION.  139 

at  great  trouble,  from  a  distant  farm,  and 
some  eggs,  lessati,  *  in  the  Italian  fashion ; 
that  is  to  say,  scarcely  warmed  throughout. 

She  set  the  waiter  down  on  the  table, 
merely  pushing  aside  the  lucerna, — a  pack 
of  cards,  with  which  the  young  Anconitan 
Prince  had  been  playing  at  Patience  the 
evening  before, — the  Marchesa's  half-finish- 
ed stocking  and  knitting  apparatus,  and  a 
variety  of  dirty  gloves  and  similar  etceteras 
with  which  it  was  strewed.  After  having 
contemplated  all  her  arrangements  with 
much  apparent  satisfaction,  the  girl  good- 
humoredly  told  me  that  la  colazione  was 
air  ordine,  and  wished  me  a  good  appetite. 

I  remonstrated  against  all  the  trouble  I 
occasioned  her,  but  she  gaily  answered  that 
it  was  only  a  piacere  to  serve  me ;  besides 
which,  she  had  but  obeyed  the  Marchesa's 
directions,  who  had  positively  ordered  that 
my  breakfast  should  be  prepared  every 
morning,  alV  uso  Inglese. 

"What,  then,  do  not  the  other  Signori 
take  any  breakfast?"  I  inquired. 

*  Boiled, 


140  RECANTATION. 

"  Oh,  no  ! "  she  replied  ;  "  sometimes 
they  drink  a  cup  of  coffee  before  they  get 
up,  or  un  rosso  ffuovo,*  but  not  always  even 
that ;  ma  mi  faccia  il  piacere,  Signora  Mar- 
chesina  !  sit  down  to  table,  for  the  Marchesa 
will  be  angry  with  me  if  you  do  not  like 
your  breakfast." 

I  smiled  at  the  girl's  pressing  solicita- 
tions, and  having  made  the  tea  in  the  china 
coffee-pot — a  process  which  she  watched 
with  great  interest  and  curiosity — I  took 
my  seat  at  the  table ;  this  appeared  to 
satisfy  her,  and  leaving  her  companion  to 
complete  the  arrangement  of 'the  sola,  she 
retired  to  attend  her  lady's  toilet . 

At  this  moment  my  husband  entered, 
equipped  for  his  morning  promenade,  and  I 
looked  joyfully  up  in  his  face  as  I  asked 
him  to  come  and  join  me  at  my  breakfast, 
until  the  others  were  ready  to  set  off;  but 
with  his  native  air  he  seemed  to  have  re- 
turned to  former  habits,  and  saying  that  it 
was  time  for  him  to  give  up  that  English 

*  The  yolk  of  an  egg. 


RECANTATION.  J  41 

custom,  he  declined  my  invitation,  and  ran 
down  stairs  to  summon  his  companions. 
For  some  time  after  he  was  gone  I  sat  silent 
and  abstracted  before  the  table,  while,  not 
to  distress  my  kind  hostess  by  the  thought 
that  I  had  not  done  honor  to  her  breakfast, 
1  took  one  or  two  crostini  from  the  plate, 
and  gave  them  to  a  little  turn-spit  dog  which 
had  found  its  way  into  the  sala,  and  by  the 
keenness  of  its  appetite  amply  demonstrated 
that  to  some  natives  of  Romagna,  at  least, 
the  English  custom  of  breakfasting  would 
be  far  from  unacceptable. 

I  scarce  knew  why,  but  at  that  moment 
the  recollections  of  home  rose  more  vividly 
before  me  than  they  had  ever  done  pre- 
viously, and  I  pictured  to  myself  our  happy 
breakfast-table  in  England,  when,  seated 
between  my  dear  parents,  our  conversation 
seemed  more  cheerful,  our  hearts  more 
light,  than  at  any  other  time  of  the  day  ;— 
then  I  remembered  what  a  joyous  scene  it 
used  to  be  when  my  two  brothers  were 
with  us  during  their  vacations  !  how  gaily 
we  used  all  to  assemble  at  our  morning 
meal,  and  feel  so  blithe  and  thankful  at  be- 


142  RECANTATION. 

s. 

ing  once  more  together  !  And  from  this  my 
thoughts  carried  me  exclusively  to  my  dear 
mother,  who  used  to  preside  over  these 
happy  scenes,  and  her  sweet  face  appeared 
before  me,  smiling  on  her  assembled  chil- 
dren, without  one  trace  of  the  sadness  that 
I  in  after-times  implanted  there !  I  had 
never  felt  so  sad  as  I  felt  now — not  at  any 
childish  disappointment  in  the  reality  of  an 
Italian  life,  but  from  a  feeling  of  loneliness 
that  had  stolen  over  me,  particularly  when 
I  heard  Trionfi's  voice  from  the  court-yard 
laughing  and  jesting  with  his  friends,  as 
they  prepared  to  set  out ;  and  the  bitter 
thought  that  I  was  but  a  secondary  consid- 
eration now,  caused  me  to  recall  my  mother's 
words  as  almost  a  prophetic  warning, — 
"  Remember,  Mary,  your  husband  cannot 
always  remain  the  lover  ! "  I  was  aroused 
by  the  entrance  of  the  Marchesa,  who  had 
co'me,  she  said;,  per  fare  un  yoco  di  conversa- 
zione with me  a&:I  breakfasted;;  I  would  will- 
ingly have  , remained  alone  xvith  my  melan- 
choly reflections,  but  I  felt  the  kindness  of 
her  motive,  and  grateMly  expressed  my 
thanks*  I  now  trie,cl  to  assume  the  gaiety 


RECANTATION.  143 

and  animation  which  had  hitherto  been 
habitual,  but  I  felt  that  I  had  ill  succeeded, 
for  the  first  efforts  to  wear  a  smiling  face 
above  an  aching  heart  are  wearisome  and 
painful. 

The  Marchesa,  however,  supplied  all 
my  deficiencies  by  talking  incessantly  her- 
self; only  once  pausing  to  break  the  yolks 
of  two  eggs  into  a  table-spoon,  and  swallow 
them  at  one  ripresa,  a  process  which  she 
told  me  was  considered  by  all  Italians  as 
very  good  and  strengthening  for  the  voice  ; 
nor  was  I  in  truth  surprised  at  their  care  in 
preserving  that  useful  organ,  considering 
the  great  wear  and  tear  to  which  it  is  un- 
ceasingly exposed.  Her  conversation  was 
not  of  a  very  consolatory  nature,  for  she  told 
rne  much  about  the  old  Marchesa  Trionfi,  in 
order,  as  she  said,  to  prepare  rne  for  her 
petulance  and  caprice  ;  although,  in  reality, 
I  think  it  must  have  been  from  the  desire 
of  venting  her  dislike  agamst.kher  sister-in- 
law  through  a  niew  and  unresisting  chanel. 
"  You  will  have  a  great  d'&alt.o  go  through 
with  your  Suocera*  tqrina,  mia^  she  added; 

*  jMotherrin-law.  — 


144  RECANTATION. 

"  for  you  must  not  only  contrive  to  please 
her,  but  also  her  confessor,  Padre  Placido, 
who  rules  the  whole  house,  and  the  Mar- 
chesa  Onoria  to  boot,  with  a  rod  of  iron. 
Annibale  has  always  had  a  hard  life  with 
both  of  them ;  and  had  he  not  been  a  most 
submissive  and  dutiful  son,  as  well  as  an 
adroit  manager,  he  would  have  been  disin- 
herited long  ago,  and  the  priests  have  got 
the  whole  of  her  estates  in  Romagna.  So 
you  must  learn  to  manoeuvre  too,  Nina,*  and 
pretend  to  be  very  devout  as  soon  as  you  get 
to  N :  here  we  are  a  little  more  enlight- 
ened, and  do  not  believe  all  that  the  pretit 
choose  to  tell  us." 

She  was  here  interrupted  by  the  entrance 
of  the  Contessa,  who  seemed  to  have  no  pur- 
suit or  occupation  to  engross  her  time,  a.nd, 
with  a  feeling  of  dismay  I  cannot  describe, 
I  saw  myself  about  two  hours  afterwards 
consigned  to  her  guardianship,  while  the 
Marchesa  ordered  the  portantina,\  and  went 
out  to  bathe.  In  Italy  they  have  no  bathing- 

*  Nina  is  a  term  of  endearment,  somewhat  equivalent  to 
darling  or  love. 

t  Priests.  }  Sedan-chair. 


RECANTATION.  145 

machines  as  in  England  ;  a  deficiency  which 
is  amply  supplied  by  the  nature  of  the  sea- 
coast,  which  in  general  presents  a  rocky 
shore,  with  plenty  of  little  nooks  or  tiny 
bays,  where  a  person  can  bathe  in  perfect 
safety;  but  at  San  Fortunato,  on  the  contra- 
ry, there  was  merely  an  open  shingly  beach, 
extending  far  as  the  eye  could  reach,  with- 
out a  single  rock  to  afford  any  shelter  or  re- 
tirement. To  remedy  this  incovenience,  the 
Marchesa  had  caused  a  sort  of  shed  to  be 
erected  in  the  sea,  at  no  greater  depth  than 
she  could  walk  into  with  perfect  safety ;  an- 
other enclosure  stood  about  twenty  paces 
higher  up  to  the  shore,  to  which  she  was 
carried  in  the  portantina,  and  where  she  ar- 
rayed herself  in  bathing  costume,  and  then 
deliberately  walked  into  the  other  capanna, 
where  a  roof  of  matting  concealed  her  from 
our  view. 

I  surveyed  this  scene  from  the  window 
with  the  Contessa,  who  although  she  had 
been  in  the  habit  of  seeing  it  every  day  for 
the  last  three  weeks,  watched  the  whole  pro- 
ceeding with  far  more  interest  than  it  ex- 
cited in  me,  to  whom  it  was  a  novelty ;  and 


146  RECANTATION. 

it  was  not  until  the  Marchesa  had  disap- 
peared beneath  the  waves,  that  she  felt  in- 
clined to  resume  her  conversation ;  then, 
turning  towards  me,  as  I  was  gazing  list- 
lessly on  the  sunbeams  that  danced  and 
sparkled  on  the  placid  waters,  she  abruptly 
inquired  whether  one  could  perceive  the  sea 
in  England  ? 

I  could  scarcely  repress  a  smile  at  the 
simplicity  of  the  question,  and  endeavored 
to  explain  that  England  was  not,  as  she  had 
previously  imagined,  one  large  city,  but  a 
beautiful  island,  containing  many  towns  and 
villages ;  but  I  soon  discovered  that  this 
question  once  answered,  she  had  little  curi- 
osity to  pursue  her  inquiries,  and  preferred 
talking  of  subjects  that  she  was  already  ac- 
quainted with,  to  acquiring  information  upon 
those  of  which  she  was  ignorant. 

Thus  passed  another  tedious  hour,  at 
the  expiration  of  which  the  Marchesa  return- 
ed, and  establishing  herself  with  her  knitting 
upon  one  of  the  divans,  she  resumed  the 
thread  of  her  previous  discourse  with  un- 
diminished  spirits  and  volubility. 

The  gentle  Marchese,  whom  I  liked  bet- 


RECANTATION.  147 

ter  than  any  one  I  had  yet  seen  in  Romagna, 
and  who  I  found  myself  involuntarily  com- 
paring to  an  Englishman,  next  came  in,  and 
apologized  for  not  having  earlier  been  upfte 
see  me,  owing  to  his  having  had  some  bust- 
ness  to  transact  with  the  fattore  of  his  es- 
tate. Padre  Stefano  and  the  novice  appear- 
ed soon  afterwards,  just  returned  from  their 
bathing  expedition ;  and  as  I  saw  sufficient 
people  now  assembled  to  render  my  presence 
unnecessary,  I  pleaded  having  letters  to  an- 
swer as  an  excuse,  and  retired  to  my  room. 
It  was  small,  and  the  full  glare  of  the 
noon-day  sun  beat  upon  the  window  ;  but 
the  quiet  seemed  delightful  after  the  un- 
ceasing fatigue  of  the  previous  morning; 
and  placing  my  desk  upon  the  toilet-table, 
I  sat  down,  and  began  to  write.  Not  long 
afterwards  I  heard  the  sound  of  many  voices 
ascending  the  stairs,  and  my  heart  beat  for 
joy  when  I  distinguished  amongst  them  that 
of  my  husband.  I  rose  hastily,  and  placed 
a  chair  for  him  opposite  to  mine,  never 
doubting  that  he  would  immediately  come 
in  search  of  me,  after  the  longest  time  almost 
that  we  had  been  separated  since  our  mar- 


148  RECANTATION. 

riage.  I  waited,  and  listened  for  his  foot- 
step :  but  he  remained  in  the  sala,  laughing 
and  talking  with  the  rest — the  gayest  of  the 
gay.  Once  I  thought  I  overheard  him  ask, 
"  Dov*  e  Mary?"  but  he  seemed  satisfied 
with  the  answer,  and  never  came  near  me 
till  about  an  hour  afterwards,  when  he  en- 
tered his  room,  which  communicated  with 
mine.  He  opened  the  door,  and  seeing 
that  writing  materials  were  before  me,  was 
about  to  withdraw,  when  I  called  him  gen- 
tly, and  pointed  to  the  vacant  chair.  "  Che 
vuoi?"  he  said,  seating  himself,  however — 
"  Tu  sei  sempre  a  scrivere — sempre  a  scrivere  /" 
"  Nay,  if  you  wish  it,  I  will  write  no  more 
at  present,"  I  replied  soothingly,  as  I  closed 
the  desk,  and  looked  towards  him  with  a 
bright  and  loving  smile — a  smile  that  in 
other  days  he  would  almost  have  died  to 
obtain.  But  times  were  changed  now — I 
was  the  wife,  and  he  the  husband. 

He  complained  of  being  weary  from 
walking  so  far  in  the  heat  of  the  sun  ;  and 
although  I  could  not  forget  that  nearly  an 
hour  had  passed  before  he  made  this  dis- 
covery, not  a  remark  escaped  my  lips,  as  I 


RECANTATION. 

stood  by  his  side,  and  caressingly  smoothed 
the  dark  wavy  curls  of  his  hair.  "  You 
should  not  have  left  the  sala,  Mary,"  he  said 
at  length— "  I  fear  my  aunt  will  find  you  too 
cold  and  reserved  ;  you  must  not  write  any 
more  while  you  are  here." 

"  But  my  mother,  Annibale — my  dear 
mother,"  I  remonstrated. 

"  Zitti,  zitti,  car  a  !  It  is  really  not  good 
to  occupy  yourself  so  much  ;  and  I  have 
just  now  heard  my  aunt  remark,  that  it  is 
better  to  be  "un  somaro  vivo,  che  un  dottor 
morlo"* 

"  Well,  then,  I  engage  not  to  write  so 
long  as  you  are  near  me,"  I  answered  play- 
fully ;  "  and  now  let  us  draw  our  chairs  to 
the  window,  and  tell  me  all  your  morning's 
adventures — and  "  .  .  .  . 

"  Ah  per  appunto  I  that  reminds  me  that 
I  have  promised  to  go  and  play  a  game  at 
billiards  with  Ferdinando.  Addio — addio  !  " 
and  without  waiting  for  my  reply,  he  started 
up,  and  went  in  search  of  the  young  Bo- 
lognese. 

*  ''  Better  to  be  a  living  ass  than  a  dead  doctor," — a 
very  popular  Italian  proverb. 


150  RECANTATION. 

Again  I  endeavored  to  resume  my  letter, 
but  the  unbidden  tears  fell  so  fast  and  thick 
upon  the  paper,  that  I  could  not  read  the 
characters  traced  by  my  trembling  pen  ; 
and,  unable  any  longer  to  control  my  feel- 
ings, I  buried  my  face  in  my  hands,  and 
wept  bitterly.  I  was  disturbed  some  time 
afterwards  by  a  knock  at  the  door, — it  was 
Annina,  come  to  arrange  my  dress  before 
the  dinner  hour,  which  was  three  o'clock. 
I  stooped  down  over  the  table,  and  pretend- 
ed to  be  looking  for  some  papers  in  my 
desk,  lest  she  should  detect  traces  of  tears 
upon  my  face  ;  but  not  long  afterwards,  as 
she  was  dressing  my  hair,  I  saw  reflected 
in  the  mirror  her  keen  dark  eyes,  filled  with 
an  expression  of  so  mujch  meaning  and  com- 
passion, that  I  at  once  divined  she  had  dis- 
covered my  emotion,  and  perhaps  had  even 
penetrated  into  its  cause. 

When  I  returned  to  the  sala,  I  found  the 
guests  assembled,  without  the  smallest  con- 
cern for  any  preparation  in  their  dress  ;  and 
I  felt  almost  distressed  at  the  toilet  I  had 
made,  as  it  seemed  so  much  at  variance 
with  the  customs  of  the  house.  When  din- 


RECANTATION.  151 

ner  was  announced,  the  Marchesa  led  me 
down  stairs,  -the  rest  all  following,  without 
any  distinction,  to  the  salle  a  manger,  which 
was  on  one  side  of  the  entrance-hall,  and 
the  billiard-room  on  the  other.  The  repast 
was  strictly  in  the  fashion  of  the  country, 
and  as  such  I  shall  endeavor  to  describe  it 
accurately.  The  table,  which  was  round,  was 
covered  with  numerous  plates  of  salame^  figs, 
sliced  ham,  eggs  prepared  in  various  ways 
— some  air  agro  dolce,  with  sugar  and  vine- 
gar; fritturaj  polenta^  and  a  variety  oi 
other  dishes  equally  novel  to  the  eye,  and 
incongruous  to  the  palate  of  an  English 
visitor. 

After  every  one  had  taken  their  seat 
without  any  formality  or  constraint,  a  large 
tureen  of  soup,  which  had  stood  in  the  cen- 
tre, was  removed  by  one  of  the  men-ser- 
vants in  attendance,  and  a  portion  of  its 
contents  served  out  to  each  guest ;  this  was 
followed  by  a  dish  of  fried  fish,  placed  for 
a  moment  on  the  table,  and  then,  like  the 

*  Bologna  sausage. 

t  A  general  term  applying  to  any  thing  fried. 

t  A  preparation  of  Indian  com. 


152  RECANTATION. 

soup,  carried  to  the  side-board,  and  distribu- 
ted in  portions.  Next  came  the  lesso,  being 
merely  the  meat  of  which  the  soup  had  been 
made,  cut  into  slices  according  to  the  num- 
ber of  those  present,  and  handed  once  to 
each ;  and,  lastly,  the  arrosto,  either  a  pair 
of  fowls  or  pigeons,  divided  by  the  before- 
mentioned  seneschal,  with  his  usual  discrim- 
ination and  judgment.  The  company  all 
ate  well ;  yet,  considering  they  had  had  no 
breakfast,  and  were  not  to  have  any  supper, 
I  could  not  help  contrasting  their  modera- 
tion and  perfect  satisfaction,  with  the  grum- 
bling voracity  that  English  people  would 
have  exhibited  in  a  similar  situation.  The 
greatest  consumption  was  of  bread,  of  which 
large  crusty  loaves — for  at  San  Fortunato 
they  only  baked  once  a  week — were  de- 
molished with  surprising  rapidity  ;  the  sup- 
ply of  wine,  both  white  and  red,  the  growth 
of  the  Marchese's  estates,  was  also  most 
liberal;  bat  though  it  was  universally 
praised  for  its  excellence  and  flavor,  no 
one  partook  of  it  to  profusion.  After  the 
four  principal  dishes,  the  pieces  de  resistance, 
had  been  discussed,  all  the  smaller  piatti 


RECANTATION.  153 

were  attacked,  of  which  the  singular  variety, 
both  in  quality  and  cookery,  would  have 
excited  the  astonishment  and  disturbed  the 
digestion  of  any  but  Italians.  During  the 
whole  time  the  conversation  never  flagged ; 
on  the  contrary,  all  seemed  to  me  to  talk 
louder  and  faster  than  before ;  and  the 
screamings  of  a  parrot,  which  added  its 
uncouth  jabberings  to  the  general  clamor, 
only  served  to  increase  their  hilarity  and 
good  humor.  I  noticed  the  novice  often 
stealing  a  cautious  glance  from  beneath 
his  drooping  eyelashes,  and  laughing  within 
himself  at  the  surrounding  gaiety  and 
mirth,  in  which  he  seemed  to  enter  with  all 
the  interest  and  curiosity  of  youth ;  but 
much  of  the  compassion  I  had  at  first  felt 
for  him  had  disappeared  after  the  Marchesa's 
sketch  of  his  early  history ;  and  I  could  now 
readily  believe,  that  to  a  confirmed  lover  of 
idleness,  such  a  mode  of  life  did  not  present 
great  hardship  or  privation. 

After  the  dolci  and  dessert  were  con- 
cluded, we  all  rose  from  table,  and  went  up 
stairs  together  ;  and  again  the  endless  con- 
versazione was  resumed,  till  the  Marchesa 
8 


154  RECANTATION. 

proposed  that  I  should  go  with  her  for  a 
drive.  Of  course  I  expressed  my  willing- 
ness,— the  carriage  was  ordered,  and  we 
descended  to  the  court-yard.  On  taking 
my  place  I  missed  the  Contessa,  and  draw- 
ing back,  intimated  my  fears  that  I  had 
deprived  her  of  going  out.  "  Oh,  no  !  "  re- 
plied the  Marchesa ;  "  Mariuccia  is  gone  to 
rest  a  little  upon  her  bed,  and  get  some 
sleep  before  we  return,  that  she  may  be 
quite  awake  and  lively  for  the  evening. 
But  I  have  got  a  cavaliere  for  you, — Eugenio 
is  to  come  with  us." 

Alas !  the  name  of  Annibale  had  well 
nigh  escaped  my  lips,  for  I  could  scarcely 
restrain  my  disappointment  on  finding  that 
he  was  not  to  accompany  us,  and  I  looked 
round  to  see  whether  he  would  not  even 
then  consent  to  occupy  the  vacant  seat 
beside  Don  Eugenio ;  but  he  was  already 
gone,  and  I  thought  as  we  drove  away,  that 
I  heard  his  voice,  mingled  with  the  rolling 
of  the  balls,  proceeding  from  the  billiard- 
room. 

In  my  anxiety  to  listen  I  entirely  forgot 
where  I  was,  and  only  was  recalled  to  my- 


RECANTATION.  155 

self  by  the  voice  of  the  Marchesa,  repeating 
a  question  to  which  she  received  no  reply ; 
I  blushed  at  my  ill-breeding,  and  endeavor- 
ed to  sustain  my  reputation  for  sprightliness 
and  vivacity,  but  with  a  painful  depression 
and  weariness  of  spirits  which  seemed  to 
long  for  solitude  and  repose.  I  never  saw 
a  more  wild  or  uninteresting  country  than 
that  through  which  we  drove ;  and  the  mists 
that  rose  from  the  beach  towards  the  time 
of  sunset,  appeared  damp  and  unhealthy 
exhalations ;  still  the  Marchesa  assured  me 
that,  compared  to  all  the  inland  districts  in 
their  neighborhood,  the  sea-coast  was  per- 
fectly salubrious. 

It  was  dusk  when  we  returned  to  the 
house,  and  as  I  entered  my  room  to  take 
off  my  bonnet  and  adjust  my  hair,  I  could 
not  help  wishing  night  was  come,  that  I 
might  lay  my  head  down  on  the  pillow,  and 
cry  myself  to  sleep ;  indeed,  I  scarce  know 
whether  I  could  have  resisted  this  impulse, 
had  not  the  presence  of  Annina  acted  as  a 
restraint.  The  evening  passed  much  as 
the  preceding  one,  varied  however  by  the 
arrival  of  the  post,  which  only  came  in  twice 


156  RECANTATION. 

a  week,  and  brought  the  Marchesa — for  she 
carried  on  a  large  correspondence — several 
letters  and  some  newspapers.  Our  hostess 
was  certainly  a  peculiar  woman,  and  I  now 
had  an  opportunity  of  seeing  another  of  her 
singular  customs  exemplified  ;  she  read  all 
her  letters  aloud — no  Italian  can  I  believe 
read  to  himself — but  in  such  a  rapid  monot- 
onous voice  as  to  be  quite  unintelligible; 
and  afterwards  tearing  off  the  signature 
and  date,  which  she  burnt- in  the  flame  of 
the  lucerna,  left  all  her  correspondence  lying 
carelessly  on  the  table.  She  then  took  up 
the  gazette,  which  I  found  to  be  the  Journal 
de  Debate;  and,  having  hastily  scanned  its 
contents,  translated  to  her  hearers  whatever 
she  thought  it  contained  most  novel  or  inter- 
esting. I  perceived,  however,  that  her  ex- 
tracts were  tinged  with  the  same  prejudice 
and  partiality  which  influenced  all  her  opin- 
ions ;  for  like  most  Italians,  who  have  out- 
stepped the  boundary  of  intellect  and  know- 
ledge suited  to  their  degraded  condition,  she 
she  was  ultra-liberal  in  her  political  views. 
At  the  period  of  which  I  write,  the  agitation 
and  lawless  excitement  fomented  in  Ireland, 


RECANTATION.  157 

was  looked  upon  by  all  the  giovane  Italia 
party  with  intense  sympathy  and  enthusi- 
asm ;  but  much  of  this  feeling  has  since 
died  away,  as  circumstances  have  unfolded 
the  secret  links  which  connect  the  schemes 
of  the  revolutionary  faction  with  the  Papal 
See.  Even  the  most  ardent  of  the  Italian 
republicans  have  grown  lukewarm  in  this 
struggle,  as  they  plainly  foresee  that  the  inde- 
pendence of  Ireland  would  but  give  fresh 
vigor  to  the  Church  of  Rome,  and  add 
strength  to  her  already  too  powerful  influ- 
ence and  sway. 

At  that  time,  however,  all  the  malcon- 
tents in  Italy  seemed  animated  but  by  one 
spirit,  and  closely  watched  every  political 
change,  as  if  in  hopes  that  some  new  agita- 
tor would  be  raised  up  for  their  country, 
and  incite  her  to  break  her  bonds  of  slavery 
and  ecclesiastical  dominion.  With  flashing 
eyes  and  vehement  enunciation  the  Mar- 
chesa  continued  to  read,  while  I  marvelled 
that  so  little  impression  was  made  upon  her 
auditors  ;  they  listened  and  laughed  ap- 
provingly, but  not  one  expressed  an  opinion, 
or  gave  utterance  to  a  sentiment  which  re- 


158  RECANTATION. 

sponded  to  her  own.  On  the  contrary  they 
seemed  chilled  and  depressed,  and  Don 
Eugenio  even  rose  from  his  seat,  and  walk- 
ed softly  to  the  door  in  a  listening  attitude, 
as  if  suspicious  of  some  treachery  from 
without ;  and  all  appeared  inexpressibly  re- 
lieved when  she  laid  down  the  newspaper, 
and  the  conversation  resumed  its  accustom- 
ed channel. 

It  was  fear,  as  I  afterwards  discovered, 
which  had  kept  them  silent — fear  of  a 
mysterious  power,  which  "like  the  pesti- 
lence that  walketh  in  darkness,"  shuns  the 
broad  daylight  for  the  exertion  of  its  au- 
thority, and  comes  in  the  silence  of  the 
night  to  claim  its  unsuspecting  victim,  and 
consign  him  to  a  prison  dark  and  silent  as 
the  tomb.  Words  of  less  import  than  those 
spoken  by  the  Marchesa,  would  have  con- 
signed the  man  who  had  ventured  to  give 
them  utterance  to  a  dungeon,  but  in  her 
case — her  sex,  high  rank,  and  influence  in 
powerful  quarters — had  proved  a  safeguard 
from  the  government,  who  affected  not  to 
heed  her  murmurs,  although  the  same 
leniency  was  not  extended  to  such  of  her 


RECANTATION.  159 

friends  as  presumed  to  echo  her  political 
opinions. 

Meantime  our  hostess  went  on  to  amuse 
her  guests  with  an  account  of  a  visit  she  had 
paid  to  London  the  previous  summer,  and 
all  her  impressions  thereupon ;  she  had 
formed  some  of  the  most  strange  and  dis- 
torted views  imaginable  in  reference  to 
England,  which  I  vainly  attempted  to 
rectify. 

But  I  found  myself  utterly  disregarded, 
and  compelled  to  listen,  with  a  throbbing 
pulse  and  heightened  color,  to  the  absurd 
mis-statements  she  put  forth,  and  the  eager 
credulity  with  which  they  were  received* 
Yet  why  should  I  feel  thus  mortified  ?  Had 
I  not  ceased  to  be  English — had  I  not  wish- 
ed to  become  Italian,  and  forget  the  north 
and  all  its  chilling  associations  ?  How 
strange  it  was — how  like  the  contradictory 
spirit  of  our  nature — that  a  feeling  of  pride 
and  interest  in  what  was  once  my  country, 
.  sprang  up  within  my  heart,  as  I  contrasted 
her  freedom  and  her  greatness  with  the  en- 
slaved and  degraded  condition  of  those  by 
whom  she  was  so  pitifully  derided. 


160  RECANTATION. 

During  the  course  of  that  evening's  con- 
versation I  gained  a  great  insight  into  the 
national  character  ;  and  heard  strange  anec- 
dotes and  expressions,  so  illustrative  of  the 
popular  mode  of  thinking,  that  I  regret  they 
have  mostly  escaped  my  recollection.  One 
of  these  traits,  however,  I  can  still  call  to 
mind,  as  impressing  me  at  the  time  with  a 
mingled  sense  of  its  irreverence  and  absurd- 
ity. Some  allusion  to  a  statue  then  ex- 
hibiting in  Rome  of  the  slain  Abel,  led  to  a 
discussion  on  the  Old  Testament,  of  which 
all  present — for  the  Capuchin  had  long  be- 
fore retired — were  profoundlv  ignorant,  ex- 
cept the  Marchesa  and  the  young  Bolognese. 
He,  when  appealed  to,  frankly  declared  that 
he  had  read  tutta  la  bibbia,*  and  had  found 
it  moreover  very  amusing!  but  that  he  no 
longer  wondered  why  the  priests  were  so 
strict  in  prohibiting  its  perusal,  because  it 
was  un  libro  pieno  di  republicanismoj — in 
fact,  "advocating  the  very  principles  they 
were  so  anxious  to  suppress." 

*  The  whole  of  the  Bible. 

t  A  book  full  of  republican  ideas. 


RECANTATION.  161 

These  remarks  led  to  others  even  more 
flippant  and  profane,  to  which  I  listened 
with  heart-sickening  dismay,  for  amongst 
those  who  freely  expressed  their  opinions 
on  topics  too  sacred  to  be  thus  carelessly 
discussed, — the  tones  of  him,  whose  every 
accent  could  reach  my  ear  amidst  a  general 
concourse  of  voices — were  but  too  plainly 
heard  !  More  than  once  before  had  a  vague 
and  terrible  suspicion  darkened  my  happi- 
ness, and  filled  me  with  apprehension ; 
though  it  had  been  hitherto  cast  aside  as  a 
thought  too  fearful  to  hold  place  in  a  fond 
and  admiring  heart !  But  now  it  rose  again 
— that  dread  foreboding  ! — each  minute 
giving  it  additional  truth  and  reality,  and 
forcing  upon  me  the  agonizing  conviction 
that  my  husband — he  for  whom  I  had  sacri- 
ficed my  faith — looked  with  slighting  indif- 
ference on  the  most  holy  subjects  ;  and  even, 
oh,  unutterable  anguish  !  in  rejecting  the 
superstitions  in  which  he  had  been  educat- 
ed— had  fallen  into  the  more  fearful  depths, 
the  darker  abyss  of  infidelity  ! 

Oh,  the  livelong  night  that  followed, — 
whose  morning  seemed  destined  never  to 
8* 


162  RECANTATION. 

appear  !    What  incoherent  prayers  and  sup- 
plications were  mingled  with  bitter  tears 
and    despondency !     Wh*at   poignant    self- 
reproach  was   added  to   my   sufferings, — 
what  an  overwhelming  consciousness  of  my 
guilt  and   perjury,  when  I  recollected  the 
solemn  oath  I  had  taken  to  believe  in  the  re- 
ligion,   to    whose    mistaken    doctrine    and 
precepts    I    was    now   willing   to  impute 
the  errors  into  which  he  had  strayed  !     And 
then  again,  I  could  not  pray,  as  I  would 
have  prayed  before,  without  increasing  my 
sin  and  duplicity  ; — for  memory  went  back 
to  days  gone  by,  and  my  petitions  arrayed 
themselves  in  the  words  and  in  the  spirit  of 
that  faith  which — but  a  few  months  previous 
— I  haqL  publicly  abjured  !     A  life-time  of 
misery  ^nd  retrospection  seemed  concentrat- 
ed in  those  few  hours, — and  as  I  tossed  on 
my  thorriv  pillow,  many  were  the  resolu- 
tions, many  the  hopes  and  fears,  which  al- 
ternately  revived   or   depressed    me.     At 
length  with  the  buoyancy  of  youth  I  yielded 
to  the  anticipation  that  I  might  yet  reclaim 
Trionfi  ; — flattering  myself  that  by  the  in- 
fluence of  example,  and  gentle  and  fond  per- 


RECANTATION,  163 

suasion,  he  would  gradually  be  led  to  a 
more  serious  and  fitting  train  of  thought, — = 
forgetting,  alas  !  that  he  would  set  but  little 
store  by  the  precepts  of  one  who  had  so 
lately  and  so  readily  relinquished  the  re- 
ligion of  her  fathers  !  In  my  earnestness  to 
carry  out  this  project,  all  previous  regrets 
and  disappointments  were  banished  from 
my  mind  ;  I  even  reproached  myself  for 
having  mentally  accused  my  husband  of 
neglect,  or  discovered  any  traces  of  indif- 
ference in  his  conduct ;  while  I  resolved 
by  sedulous  and  enduring  affection — by 
cheerful  compliance  with  his  wishes — to  es- 
tablish such  an  empire  over  his  heart,  as 
would  enable  me  to  work  upon  his  under- 
standing and  dispel  the  moral  darkness  in 
which  it  was  enveloped. 

Strong  in  these  new  resolutions  I  endea- 
vored, during  the  remainder  of  my  stay  at 
San  Fortunato,  to  win  the  good-will  of  all 
those  around  rne ;  and  in  this  I  think  I  was 
successful,  although  I  did  not  escape  an  oc- 
casional laugh  or  jest  at  my  English  love  of 
quiet,  and  wish  to  engross  'my  husband's 


164  RECANTATION. 

society, — at  the  very  time  when  I  fancied  I 
was  making,  in  both  respects,  the  utmost 
sacrifice  of  my  feelings. 

I  liked  none  so  well  as  the  Marchese  ;  he 
was  so  considerate  and  so  gentlemanly,  that 
I  preferred  talking  with  him  to  any  one  else, 
and  saw  much  in  his  character,  both  as 
landlord  and  friend,  that  excited  my  esteem 
and  admiration.  His  charities  were  exten- 
sive to  a  degree  that  often  made  inroads 
upon  his  personal  comforts  ;  for  both  he 
and  the  Marchesa — to  their  praise  be  it 
said! — did  not  give  only  "out  of  their  abun- 
dance." Although  their  liberality  was  some- 
times injudiciously  directed,  the  whole  of  the 
surrounding  poor  had  reason  to  bless  their 
name :  during  the  winter,  when  they  were 
absent  from  San  Fortunate,  many  families 
were  entirely  supported  at  their  expense; 
and  even  in  the  summer  months,  bread  was 
liberally  distributed  to  whoever  chose  to 
apply  for  it. 

The  kind-hearted  Marchese  too  had  a 
custom  which,  as  I  could  not  forbear  ob- 
serving to  him,  seemed  likely  to  give  a  dan- 


RECANTATION.  165 

gerous  encouragement  to  idleness — of  daily 
distributing  bajocchi*  to  a  crowd  of  little 
children  who  used  to  assemble  at  the  gate, 
and  assail  him  with  cries  of  "  Caritd,  Signor 
Marchese,  caritd!"  He  smiled  good-humor- 
edly  at  my  remarks,  and  acknowledged 
they  were  perhaps  well-founded;  but  since 
the  government  could  do  nothing  for  the 
poor,  it  was  incumbent  on  every  landlord 
to  contribute  all  in  his  power  towards  their 
assistance.  It  is  but  justice  to  the  Italians 
to  add,  that  this  feeling  is  universally  car- 
ried out  to  a  most  generous  extent;  the  beg- 
gar is  never  repulsed  from  their  doors,  and 
some  even  make  it  a  rule  never  to  refuse 
alms  to  any  mendicant  in  the  street;  a  prin- 
ciple which  unhappily  tends  to  the  support 
of  this  class,  who  literally  swarm  through- 
out the  Pontifical  States.  In  spite,  however, 
of  all  my  efforts  to  please,  and  to  be  pleased, 
I  could  not  help  counting  the  hours  until  the 
expiration  of  our  visit;  for  the  wearying 
routine  of  life  at  San  Fortunato  seemed  al- 
most insupportable.  Even  the  Sunday 

*  Bajocchi  are  copper  coins,  equal  in  value  to  a  half-penny. 


166  RECANTATION. 

brought  no  difference, — after  a  short  mass 
in  the  chapel  belonging  to  the  house,  at 
which  Padre  Lorenzo  officiated,  and  all  at- 
tended as  a  matter  of  course,  the  same  pur- 
suits were  resumed  as  during  the  rest  of  the 
week;  the  same  unceasing  loquacity,  the 
same  billiards,  and  the  same  card-playing ! 

At  length  the  wished-for  day  arrived ;  we 
bade  farewell  to  our  kind  relatives  and  their 
friends ;  and  then  with  a  feeling  of  happi- 
ness I  could  scarcely  conceal,  I  found  my- 
self once  more  seated  beside  my  husband, 
as  we  rapidly  pursued  our  way  to  Ancona, 
where  it  was  arranged  that  we  should  sleep 
that  evening. 

To  the  traveller  pursuing  the  road  from 
Pesaro  and  Sinigalia,  the  first  appearance 
of  Ancona  is  imposing  in  the  extreme  ;  the 
city  is  built  on  a  lofty  promontory,  which 
running  far  into  the  sea,  forms  one  side  of  a 
noble  bay,  forty  miles  in  extent.  It  is  visi- 
ble at  many  miles  distance,  and  is  rendered 
doubly  interesting  from  the  monotony  of  the 
road,  which,  bounded  on  the  one  side  by 
wild  irregular  hills,  and  washed  on  the 
other  by  the  sea,  presents  nothing  to  divert 


RECANTATION.  167 

attention  from  the  termination  of  the  pros- 
pect. 

The  aspect  of  the  town  is  singularly  pic- 
turesque, rising  gradually  from  the  water's 
edge  up  to  the  very  summit  of  the  hill,  which 
is  crowned  by  the  Duomo,  one  of  the  oldest 
Christian  churches  in  Italy,  and  built  on  the 
site  of  a  temple  of  Venus,  to  whom  in  hea- 
then times  Ancona  was  dedicated.  The 
sun  was  setting  as  we  approached,  and  its 
rays  fell  with  a  golden  light  upon  the  city, 
which  seemed  to  lie  like  a  swan  upon  the 
bosom  of  the  waters :  the  shipping  in  the 
harbor  stood  out  clear  and  distinct,  casting 
a  darker  shadow  on  the  pale  blue  sea,  which 
changed  in  the  distance  to  a  crimson  hue 
beneath  the  gorgeous  radiancy  of  the  reflect- 
ed sky.  I  gazed  on  this  scene  with  delight, 
and  was  hoping  that  a  nearer  aspect  might 
not  destroy  the  illusion,  when  the  final  dis- 
appearance of  the  sun  beneath  the  horizon, 
was  announced  by  the  booming  of  a  cannon 
from  the  Capo  di  Monte.  This  is  a  large  for- 
tress built  on  a  mountain,  divided  only  by  a 
narrow  defile  from  the  eminence  on  which 
the  town  is  situated  ;  and  its  bold  outline 


168  RECANTATION. 

and  embattlements  give  additional  interest 
and  variety  to  the  landscape. 

The  last  echo  from  the  cannon,  however, 
had  scarcely  died  away,  when  a  change  fell 
over  the  face  of  nature, — not  so  instantaneous 
as  in  those  tropical  climes  where  the  sun 

"  Dyes  the  wide  wave  with  bloody  light, 
Then  sinks  at  once,  and  all  is  night ! " 

but  still  far  different  to  the  soft  twilight  of 
an  English  sky ;  and  the  shades  of  evening 
closed  so  fast  around  us,  that  ere  we  reached 
the  gates,  the  harbor  was  wrapped  in  obscu- 
rity, and  the  hill  became  sparkling  and 
studded  with  the  lights  which  shone  through 
all  the  open  windows  of  the  houses.  The 
town  itself  was  so  badly  lit  that  I  could  dis- 
tinguish nothing,  excepting  that  the  streets 
appeared  steep,  narrow,  and  irregularly 
paved,  so  that  it  was  with  some  difficulty 

we  at  length  arrived  at  the  Palazzo  A , 

where  a  friend  of  Trionfi's  had  insisted  upon 
our  passing  the  night.  The  next  morning 
we  resumed  our  journey,  and  towards  noon 

entered  the  city  of  N .     A  few  minutes 

more  brought  our  carriage  to  the  Palazzo 


RECANTATION.  169 

Trionfi,    where   we    found    La    Marchesa 
Onoria  anxiously  awaiting  us. 

I  was  at  once  chilled  and  dispirited  by 
her  reception  of  me,  it  was  so  formal  and 
constrained  !  So  different  from  the  joyous 
welcome  that  should  await  the  chosen  wife 
of  a  favorite  son !  Still  the  pleasure  she 
evinced  at  her  meeting  with  Trionfi,  atoned 
in  some  degree  for  her  coldness  towards  my- 
self,— for  as  she  loved  him  so  much,  I  hoped 
in  time  she  would  love  me  also ;  and  I  de- 
termined on  my  part  that  nothing  should  be 
wanting  in  the  endeavor  to  secure  her  affec- 
tions. It  is  a  hard  task  though  to  struggle 
against  prejudice, — and  I  felt  she  had  an 
inveterate  animosity  towards  me,  notwith- 
standing all  the  sacrifices  I  had  made  to  her 
will ; — her  manners,  too,  were  haughty  and 
unconciliating,  and  ill-calculated  to  remove 
the  natural  timidity  I  experienced  at  finding 
myself  entirely  amongst  strangers.  She 
was  older  and  plainer  in  appearance  than  I 
had  looked  for  in  Trionfi's  mother,  and  re- 
tained no  traces  of  the  beauty  for  which 
she  had  once  been  celebrated,  excepting  a 
stately  deportment,  and  dark  flashing  eyes, 


170  EECANTATION. 

that  at  times  absolutely  kindled  into  flame. 
Proud  of  her  birth,  and  scrupulous  in  ex- 
acting all  the  respect  and  deference  to  which 
she  was  entitled,  she  never  forgave  my 
not  being  (in  her  estimation)  of  equal  rank, 
and  always  appeared  to  consider  me  as  an 
intruder  upon  the  titles  and  dignity  of  her 
family.  Many  were  the  cutting  allusions, 
the  bitter  sarcasms  in  which  she  indulged 
at  the  expense  of  the  "  Negoziante's*  daugh- 
ter," and  though  I  bore  even  that  in  patience, 
heaven  knows  it  was  hard  enough  ! — par- 
ticularly when  I  felt  my  blood  burn  with 
indignation  at  the  insulting  comparison  be- 
tween these  petty  traffickers  in  the  produce 
of  their  land,t  and  the  enterprising  boundless 
range  of  commerce  in  which  my  father,  as 
a  British  merchant,  was  engaged ! 

Amongst  the  nobility  of  N I  also 

felt  myself  ill  at  ease.  In  the  hope  of  grati- 
fying my  mother-in-law,  I  endeavored  to 
cultivate  an  intimacy  with  some  of  the  ladies 
who  had  called  upon  me  on  my  first  arrival, 

*  Merchant  or  trader. 

t  In  the  south  of  Italy  the  nobles  sell  their  own  corn ; 
wine  and  oil  even  in  retail  sometimes. 


RECANTATION.  171 

and  who  assumed  a  stately  etiquette  which 
struck  me  as  perfectly  ludicrous,  after  the 
fashionable  ease  of  the  Florentine  society. 
I  flattered  myself,  however,  that  the  ice  of 
ceremony  would  thaw  at  last,  and  still 
hoped  to  find  beneath  this  frigid  exterior 
some  of  the  warmth  and  vivacity  which 
I  thought  must  naturally  belong  to  every 
Italian.  Vain  delusion !  The  world  had 
stood  still  with  them  for  at  least  a  century 
and  a  half!  Their  ideas,  their  conversa- 
tion, even  their  manners,  were  so  artificial 
and  constrained,  that  I  felt  any  thing  beyond 
a  mere  formal  acquaintance  would  be  abso- 
lutely impossible,  and  gave  up  the  attempt 
in  despair. 

At  a  concert  given  in  my  honor  not  long 
after  our  arrival,  I  had  an  opportunity  of 
seeing  the  rigid  etiquette  in  which  these 
Patricians  delighted,  displayed  to  its  fullest 
extent.  I  saw  curtesys  exchanged  between 
friends  of  many  years  standing  so  reveren- 
tial and  profound,  that  could  Louis  Qua- 
torze's  maitre  de  minuet  have  purposely  arisen 
from  the  grave,  his  heart  would  have  been 
gladdened  by  the  spectacle  ! 


172  RECANTATION. 

The  lady  of  the  house  received  her 
guests  in  silent  dignity,  pointing  to  a  seat, 
which  was  taken  with  a  deep  curtesy.  The 
entrance  of  a  gentleman  was  still  more  im- 
posing: for  after  advancing  towards  the 
hostess  with  a  profound  bow,  he  would 
make  a  circular  reverence  to  the  ladies 
seated  round  the  room,  and  then  back  out 
of  the  circle  to  take  his  station  amongst  the 
crowd  assembled  in  the  door-ways  and 
ante-chambers. 

The  elite  of  N society  were  present, 

and  there  was  not  a  person  in  the  room  be- 
low the  dignity  of  a  Count ;  they  all  called 
each  other  by  their  titles  too,  till  I  was 
quite  weary  of  being  addressed  incessantly 
as  La  Marchesa,  and  longed  to  find  myself 
once  more  in  Florence,  where  rank  could  be 
respected  and  held  in  its  proper  estimation 
without  so  much  external  parade  and  ab- 
surdity. It  seemed  like  an  exquisite  satire 
upon  the  whole,  when,  looking  upwards,  I 
discovered  that  the  chandelier  suspended 
from  the  ceiling  was  moulded  in  the  form  of 
a  Marchesa's  coronet !  A  slight  smile  of 
derision  had  scarcely  curled  my  lip,  when 


RECANTATION.  173 

my  eyes  accidentally  fell  upon  the  em- 
broidery of  my  handkerchief,  and  with  an 
involuntary  sigh  I  recognized  the  symbol  it 
recorded. 

The  concert  consisted  chiefly  of  instru- 
mental music,  and  the  most  unbroken  silence 
was  preserved  throughout ;  even  an  occa- 
sional sotto  voce  observation  seemed  peremp- 
torily interdicted,  and  an  universal  zitti 
would  awe  the  offender  into  silence.  Dur- 
ing the  intervals  of  the  music  however,  there 
appeared  but  little  inclination  to  avail  them- 
selves of  the  permission  to  converse,  and 
the  principal  sound  heard  was  that  of  the 
servants  carrying  round  salvers  of  ices  and 
confectionery.  I  thought  the  evening  would 
never  end,  but  eleven  o'clock  did  at  length 
arrive,  and  the  party  broke  up,  when  I  in- 
wardly hoped  it  might  be  the  last  entertain- 
ment of  the  kind  I  should  ever  be  present 
at  in  N . 

Meantime  weeks  passed  on,  during 
which  I  daily  grew  more  conscious  of  the 
frail  tenure  by  which  I  held  my  happiness, 
as  I  felt  my  influence  over  my  husband  per- 
ceptibly declining.  Trionfi  loved  me  still 


174  RECANTATION. 

— but  not  as  he  had  loved  a  short  time  be- 
fore ;  and  I  felt  the  change  most  bitterly,  nor 
could  I  perhaps  altogether  conceal  that  I  did 
so.  An  Italian  woman,  expecting  less, 
would  have  been  more  satisfied  ;  but  I,  a 
spoilt  and  petted  child,  whose  every  wish 
had  been  gratified,  every  thought  anticipat- 
ed,— looked  for  other  than  common-place 
attentions  from  one,  whose  vows  of  attach- 
ment had  previously  been  so  ardent.  But 
woe  to  the  woman  who,  blinded  by  the  in- 
fluence of  love  and  ambition,  unites  her  fate 
to  any  man  without  ascertaining  his  religious 
principles ;  for  she  stakes  her  happiness  on 
earth — nay,  even  her  hopes  of  heaven — for 
the  sake  of  one  who,  living  only  for  the 
world,  sees  no  future  beyond  the  grave,  and 
to  whom  the  solemn  ties  contracted  at  the 
altar  seem  but  legislative  fetters,  to  be  cast 
aside  as  soon  as  the  first  impetuosity  of 
passion  has  subsided  ! 

Still  Trionfi  loved — he  still  was  proud 
of  me,  and  pleased  when  I  was  admired : 
and  he  might  yet  have  been  reclaimed  but 
for  the  pernicious  influence  of  my  mother- 
in-law.  Her  aim  seemed  always  to  coun- 


RECANTATION.  175 

teract  any  little  scheme  I  had  formed  to  en- 
joy his  society — either  by  reminding  him  of 
some  appointment,  or  taking  me  with 
her  for  a  drive,  when  I  had  hoped  for 
the  now  rare  indulgence  of  a  ramble  with 
him  in  the  country.  And  thus,  at  length, 
partly  from  his  constant  habit  of  deferring 
to  his  mother's  wishes,  and  dread  of  her 
displeasure — partly,  perhaps,  from  the  force 
of  early  habit  and  example — Trionfi  lapsed 
into  the  complete  Italian  husband,  kind  and 
affectionate  when  we  were  together,  but  no 
longer  looking  upon  his  home  as  the  sacred 
shrine  of  all  happiness  or  enjoyment. 

Whenever  I  went  to  the  Opera,  he  made 
a  point  of  accompanying  me  thither,  though 
I  saw  but  little  of  him  when  there,  for  our 
box  was  always  filled  with  visitors,  and  he 
would  soon  retire  to  pay  his  round  of  visits 
to  all  the  ladies  of  our  acquaintance  at  the 
theatre. 

On  other  evenings  he  would  either  re- 
sort to  the  cafe  or  the  casino,  or  else  pass 
his  time  in  making  calls  at  different  houses 
where  there  was  always  sure  to  be  a  conver- 
mzione,  for  each  family  had  its  little  coterie 


176  RECANTATION. 

of  intimate  friends  who  would  regularly 
drop  in  for  an  hour's  chit-chat,  to  hear  and 
communicate  all  the  events  of  the  day. 

This  was  also  the  case  with  the  Mar- 
chesa  Onoria,  who  held  a  sort  of  levee  every 
evening,  which  was  invaribly  frequented  by 
three  or  four  elderly  gentlemen,  who  had 
been  habitues  de  la  maison  for  upwards  of 
twenty  years,  and  were  still  as  regular  as 
clockwork  in  their  attendance,  whenever 

she  was  residing  in  N .  Besides  these, 

several  young  men  had  been  added  to  the 
circle  since  my  arrival,  and  their  visits 
seemed  to  be  viewed  by  my  husband  with 
approbation  rather  than  otherwise,  as  a  sort 
of  tribute  to  my  powers  of  attraction  in 
which  his  vanity  was  concerned. 

Some  of  these  old  friends  of  the  Mar- 
chesa's  were  amusing  from  their  garrulous 
simplicity  and  inveterate  prejudice ;  one  in 
particular,  who  could  speak  a  little  English, 
was  fond  of  practising  it  at  the  expense  of 
my  patience,  and  one  night  recounted  to  me 
all  the  anxiety  and  vexation  he  was  occa- 
sioned on  account  of  one  of  his  daughters — 
for  I  ought  to  have  mentioned  that  none  of 


RECANTATION.  177 

these  constant  visitors  were  venerable  ba- 
chelors, as  I  had  at  first  imagined,  destitute 
of  the  comforts  of  a  domestic  life,  but  mar- 
ried men,  who  left  their  wives  and  families 
at  home  to  be  in  their  turn  amused  by  other 
visitors. 

The  abstract  of  the  old  Count's  story, 
which  he  employed  some  hours  in  detailing, 
was  briefly  this  ; — his  youngest  daughter 
had  been  sent  for  her  education  to  a  convent 

near   L ,  where    she    appeared   to   be 

making  the  most  satisfactory  improvement, 
when,  unfortunately,  she  was  visited  by 
some  old  friends  of  her  father's  recently  ar- 
rived in  that  part  of  the  country,  who  ob- 
tained permission  for  her  to  spend  a  day 
with  them  out  of  the  convent.  The  lady 
and  her  husband  brought  their  charge  safe- 
ly back  in  the  evening,  and  then  it  was, 
that  on  taking  leave,  the  gentleman  most 
unadvisedly  bestowed  a  kiss  upon  his 
young  friend.  Now  as  the  damsel  was 
scarcely  fourteen,  and  the  Conte  old  enough 
almost  to  be  her  grandfather,  there  was  no- 
thing very  heinous  in  this  action;  but  the 
9 


178  RECANTATION. 

nuns  and  educandej*  who  had  witnessed  the 
whole  proceeding  through  the  grating  of  the 
parlatojojr  thought  otherwise,  and  treated 
the  poor  Contessina  as  if  she  had  been  con- 
taminated by  this  ill-omened  salute,  and 
shrank  from  her  wherever  she  appeared,  as 
if  there  was  infection  in  her  very  toiach. 
She  was  taunted  and  jeered  at — forbidden 
to  speak  to  any  of  her  companions,  and 
placed  at  meal-times  upon  her  knees  in  a 
corner  of  the  refectory.  This  system  of 
persecution,  prolonged  for  several  weeks, 
produced  such  an  effect  upon  the  poor  girl, 
that  she  at  length  fell  seriously  ill,  and  her 

parents  were  summoned  from  N ,  under 

the  impression  that  her  recovery  was  hope- 
less. 

Contrary  to  all  expectation,  however, 
her  youth  triumphed  over  the  violence  of 
her  illness,  and  in  a  short  time  she  wras 
sufficiently  convalescent  to  be  removed  to 
her  home.  This  would  have  seemed  the 


*  Girls  placed  in  the  convent  for  their  educations 
t  The  convent  parlor. 


RECANTATION.  179 

natural  termination  of  all  her  father's  cares 
and  anxiety,  but  on  the  contrary,  it  was 
here  that  his  greatest  perplexity  commenced. 
"  For  you  see,"  he  continued,  "  dat  my 
family  is  so  organized  I  cannot  keep  my 
daughter  at  home,  for  my  moder  and  my 
two  broders  are  living  in  de  two  upper 
floors  of  de  same  house  wid  me  ;  and  dat 
gives  good  excuse  for  my  daughter  to  get 
out  of  my  sight.  She  perhaps  come  to  me 
and  say,  '  Papa,  I  go  to  make  a  visit  to  my 
grand-mamma,'  but  how  do  I  know  if  she 
goes  or  no  ?  Aha  !  you  see  I  am  right — 
girls  must  not  be  trusted  too  moch.  No, 
no!" 

"  And  what  then  do  you  mean  to  do  in 
this  dilemma  ?  "  I  inquired. 

"  Why  dere  is  but  one  remedy ;  she 
must  be  married,  and  we  are  looking  about 
for  a  suitable  match,  but  it  is  difficult  to 
find, — very  !  " 

"  Would  it  not  facilitate  your  plans  to 
take  your  daughter  a  little  into  society, 
where  she  might  have  a  chance  of  seeing 
some  person  she  would  like  for  her  future 
husband  ?  " 


180  RECANTATION. 

"  Ah,  my  dear  lady  !  "  cried  the  Count, 
absolutely  laughing  at  the  naivete  of  my  re- 
marks, "  we  do  not  let  our  children  choose 
for  demselves  in  Italy !  De  parents  are  de 
best  jodges;  and  when  I  have  found  a  good 
establishment  for  my  daughter,  I  shall  not 
tell  her  till  every  ting  is  arranged." 

"  But  supposing  she  is  not  pleased  with 
the  sposo  ?..."!  suggested. 

"  Oh,  dere  is  no  fear  of  dat !  She  knows 
dat  her  father  will  choose  for  her  good ;  and 
besides  dat,  she  will  think  it  is  much  better 
to  be  married,  and  have  fine  clothes  and 
pretty  jewels,  than  to  go  back  to  a  convent. 
Ah  !  she  will  be  very  pleased  to  say,  Yes  ! 
I  assure  you,  my  dear  Marchioness,  dat 
when  I  told  my  eldest  daughter  dat  I  had 
found  her  a  very  good  husband,  who  was 
suited  to  her  in  every  way,  she  did  not  even  ask 
his  name,  but  jumped  and  danced  for  joy ;  and 
den  running  up  to  me,  she  put  her  arms  round 
my  neck  and  said,  "Now  tell  me,  dear  papa, 
how  many  new  dresses  shall  I  have  ?  '  " 

I  heard  so  many  anecdotes  of  the  same 
description,  that  they  soon  ceased  to  interest 
me ;  and  neither  the  novelty  of  this  people's 


RECANTATION.  181 


\ 


opinions,  nor  even  their  quaint  and  primitive 
manners,  could  any  longer  afford  entertain- 
ment, or  dispel  the  painful  reflections  which 
crowded  daily  upon  me.  Even  the  minor 
evils  of  my  position  were  sufficiently  dis- 
heartening, and  the  old-fashioned  arrange- 
ments of  the  Palazzo,  in  which  my  mother- 
in-law  would  permit  no  change, — its  gloomy 
tapestried  walls,  and  vaulted  desolate  apart- 
ments, whose  furniture  almost  solely  con- 
sisted of  gilded  moth-eaten  chairs,  formally 
stationed  round  the  room  like  grim  sentinels 
against  modern  taste  or  innovation, — made 
me  involuntarily  recall  the  comforts  and  in- 
dulgences I  had  enjoyed  in  the  happy  home 
of  my  childhood.  If  any  consolation  was 
to  be  derived,  however,  from  seeing  that 
others  had  equal  grievances  to  complain  of, 
I  might  have  returned  home  satisfied  with 
the  result  of  a  visit  I  paid  one  afternoon  to 
the  Marches  a  F ,  one  of  the  most  inter- 
esting women  in  N . 

The  drawing-room  was  miserably  dark ; 
for  the  windows  which  stood  in  a  high  re- 
cess, looked  into  a  narrow  and  gloomy  street* 
Although  autumn  was  now  far  advanced, 


182  RECANTATION. 

the  polished  stone  floor  was  still  uncarpeted, 
and  struck  cold  and  chill  as  ice,  while  the 
comfortless  fire-place  gave  no  traces  of  ever 
being  made  use  of.  The  furniture,  too,  was 
scanty  and  meagre  in  the  extreme  ;  a  long 
straight  divan  occupied  one  side  of  the  room, 
and  in  front  of  it  stood  a  small  round  table, 
on  which  was  placed  a  silver  lucerna,  ready 
to  be  lighted  for  the  evening's  conversazione. 
These,  with  a  marble  console,  facing  the 
windows,  and  six  chairs,  distributed  at  in- 
tervals between  four  doors  that  opened  into 
this  cheerless  apartment,  constituted  its  en- 
tire equipment.  The  lady  of  the  house  rose 
in  some  confusion  when  I  was  announced, 
as  if  annoyed  at  having  been  detected  in  her 
morning  deshabille:  she  was  a  beautful  young 
woman,  with  a  fair  white  skin,  and  an  ex- 
quisite peach-like  bloom  upon  her  cheeks, 
— rich  auburn  hair,  and  pencilled  eye-brows 
and  lashes  of  a  much  darker  hue  :  yet,  with 
all  this  loveliness,  she  could  ill  bear  the 
test  of  the  slatternly  attire  in  which  I  found 
her.  She  kept  drawing  a  large  shawl,  that 
she  had  hastily  thrown  over  her  shoulders, 
more  closely  aronnd  her,  while  she  com- 


RECANTATION.  183 

plained  of  the  coldness  of  the  room,  and  its 
gloomy  appearance.  After  two  o'clock  in 
the  afternoon,  she  said  it  was  impossible  to 
see  without  candles,  and  she  had  no  alter- 
native but  to  have  them  lighted,  or  sit  in 
the  dark  without  any  occupation.  The 
rooms  on  the  second  floor  were  much  more 
cheerful,  and  even  occasionally  got  glimpses 
of  the  sun ;  but  these,  she  added  with  a  sigh, 
were  occupied  by  her  mother-in-law ! 

An  accademia*  was  to  be  given  that  eve- 
ning at  the  house  of  a  mutual  acquaintance, 
and  I  expressed  a  hope  of  seeing  her  there ; 
but  she  shook  her  head,  and  replied,  that 
she  feared  it  would  be  impossible,  although 
she  wished  it  very  much,  because  her  hus- 
band was  gone  to  visit  some  estates  in  the 
neighborhood,  and  would  not  return  in  time 
to  accompany  her.  As  I  knew  she  had 
been  married  eight  or  nine  years,  I  asked 
whether  it  would  not  be  etiquette  for  her  to 
go  alone,  or  at  any  rate  with  some  female 
friend  ? 

She  replied  sorrowfully  in  the  negative, 

*  Concert. 


184  RECANTATION. 

that  she  well  knew  her  suocera*  would  dis- 
approve of  it  although  she  herself  could  see 
no  objection  to  what  I  proposed;  but  it  was 
useless  even  to  ask  her,  she  repeated,  more 
sadly  than  before.  A  few  instants  after- 
wards she  resumed  the  subject  in  a  more 
cheerful  voice,  and  said  there  was  a  person, 
to  whom  no  objection  could  be  raised,  and 
who  would  have  escorted  her  that  evening 

— the  Conte  N ;  but  he  happened  to  be 

still  confined  to  the  house  after  a  long  ill- 
ness— had  I  heard  of  him  ?  For  several 
years  not  a  day  had  passed  without  her 
seeing  him  ;  he  was  such  a  very  old  friend ! 
Had  he  been  well,  she  might  have  gone  with 
him  without  any  impropriety. 

The  person  thus  alluded  to  could  be  no 
other. than  her  cavaliere  ;  but  both  her  voice 
and  manner  werq  so  simple  and  unaffected, 
— the  expression  of  her  face  so  confiding 
and  ingenuous,  that  in  the  present  instance 
I  could  not  bring  myself  to  place  any  harsh 
or  evil  construction  upon  this  exemplifica- 
tion of  a  custom  still  generally  practised  in 

*  Mother-in-law. 


RECANTATION.  185 

the  south  of  Italy.  Poor  thing !  her  heavy 
sighs  and  mournful  looks,  when  speaking 
of  her  suocera,  often  recurred  to  my  memory, 
and  taught  me  a  lesson  of  patience  and  for- 
bearance towards  my  own  mother-in-law, 
whose  petty  tyranny  and  caprices  seemed 
to  know  no  limits.  All  this,  however,  I 
would  have  supported  with  cheerfulness, 
could  my  mind  have  been  relieved  of  the 
grievous  religious  doubts  and  perplexities 
with  which  I  was  now  incessantly  tormented. 
I  seemed  to  require  the  smooth-tongued  elo- 
quence, the  bland  and  persuasive  arguments 
of  my  teacher  in  Florence,  to  reconcile  me 
once  more  to  my  conscience  and  mvself :  I 
even  longed  for  the  return  of  Padre  Placido, 
the  family  chaplain,  who  had  been  for  some 
time  absent  from  N ,  in  the  hope  of  de- 
riving from  his  spiritual  assistance  a  return 
of  the  confidence  and  self-satisfaction  with 
which  Dr.  H's  instructions  had  inspired  me. 
Fears  and  suspicions,  lightly  cast  aside  in  the 
short-lived  season  of  my  happiness,  now  re- 
turned with  ten-fold  bitterness;  and  I  would 
have  worshipped  any  one  who  could  lull 
9* 


186  RECANTATION. 

these  doubts  into  repose,  and  remove  the 
overwhelming  conviction  that  the  guilt  of 
perjury  rested  upon  my  soul,  and  that 
every  thought  and  impulse  was  a  tacit  dis- 
avowal of  the  faith  which  I  had  sworn  upon 
the  Gospels  to  uphold. 

I  heard  so  much  of  Padre  Placido's  piety 
and  zeal,  that  in  my  eagerness  to  derive 
some  consolation  from  his  presence,  I  forgot 
all  the  prejudices  with  which  the  Marchesa 
Castel-Franco  had  impressed  me,  and  wel- 
comed the  announcement  of  his  arrival,  late 
one  Saturday  evening,  with  almost  as  much 
pleasure  as  my  mother-in-law  herself.  He 
presently  joined  us  at  supper,  and  quite 
charmed  me  with  the  affection  he  displayed 
towards  Triorifi,  which  completely  refuted 
in  my  opinion  all  that  the  Marchesa  had 
told  me  at  San  Fortunato,  of  his  anknosity 
and  intrigues  to  supplant  him  in  his  moth- 
er's favor.  He  also  seemed  very  kindly 
disposed  towards  myself,  repeatedly  decla- 
ring that  he  rejoiced  to  see  the  lamb  which 
had  been  gathered  into  the  fold, — so  that  I 
felt  completely  prepossessed  in  his  favor, 


RECANTATION.  187 

and  looked  upon  his  grey  locks  and  venera- 
ble aspect  with  the  utmost  interest  and 
respect. 

The  following  morning  I  went,  as  usual, 
to  mass  with  my  husband — for  every  Italian 
is  obliged,  from  political  considerations,  to 
attend  to  the  external  ordinances  of  the 
Church — and  returned  home  more  than 
usually  out  of  spirits,  and  dissatisfied  with 
the  manner  in  which  I  had  performed  my 
Sabbath  devotions.  On  entering  my  dress- 
ing-room, I  threw  myself  into  a  chair,  and 
sat  for  some  time  immersed  in  thought,  until, 
urged  by  some  irresistible  impulse,  I  rose 
from  my  seat,  and  fetched  the  pocket  Bible 
my  poor  dear  mother,  on  my  wedding-day, 
had  entreated  me  to  read  for  her  sake.  It 
had  never  been  opened  since  that  moment ; 
and  as  I  turned  over  its  sacred  pages,  I  felt 
bewildered  and  uncertain  as  to  where  I 
ought  to  search  for  the  stores  of  comfort  it 
contained,  when  my  eyes  cursorily  fell  upon 
iiese  words,  — "  All  Scripture  is  given  by 
spiration  of  God,  and  is  profitable  for  doc- 
xe,  for  reproof,  for  correction,  for  instruc- 
in  righteousness ;  that  the  man  of  God 


188  RECANTATION. 

may  be  perfect,  thoroughly  furnished  unto 
all  good  works."* 

Oh,  then,  there  was  consolation  for  me 
here  !  The  Volume  that  now  lay  open  be- 
fore me  spoke  with  Divine  authority,  and  in 
its  mute  though  heart-stirring  eloquence,  had 
shown  me  where  to  seek  for  all  I  needed ! 

I  sank  upon  my  knees,  and  prayed  that 
those  blessed  words  might  be  engraven  on 
my  heart,  and  teach  me  where  to  search  for 
pardon  and  for  peace.  I  prayed  also  for 
support  in  my  weary  solitude,  and  disap- 
pointment, and  to  be  forgiven  for  my  pre- 
vious levity  and  neglect.  Yet,  of  what  avail 
was  this  tardy  devotion  and  repentance — 
felt  only  when  I  had  experienced  the  insta- 
bility of  earthly  joys,  and  the  withering  of 
youth's  fairest  prospects  ;  and  I  remembered 
the  words  I  had  often  read  in  infancy  at  my 
mother's  knee, — 

"  A  flower  that' s  offered  in  the  bud  is  no  mean  sacrifice," — 

when  all  that  I  now  brought  was  an  aching 
*  2  Tim.  in.  16,  11. 


RECANTATION.  189 

heart  and  blighted  hopes  to  the  shrine  of 
that  Creator,  from  whom,  in  hours  of  happi- 
ness and  delight,  I  had  turned  careless  and 
ungratefully  away ! 

I  was  still  kneeling,  when  a  low  knock 
at  the  door  attracted  my  attention  :  I  hastily 
rose,  and  endeavored  to  compose  myself  ere 
I  gave  the  requisite  permission  to  enter.  It 
was  Padre  Placido,  come  with  an  invitation 
from  the  Marchesa  Onoria  to  prepare,  with- 
in two  hours,  to  accompany  her  on  a  visit 
to  Ancona,  chiefly  to  view  a  beautiful  proces- 
sion which  was  to  pass  through  that  town 
in  the  afternoon  :  he  still  lingered,  however, 
after  having  delivered  this  message,  as  if 
unwilling  to  depart,  and  common  politeness 
required  that  I  should  request  him  to  be 
seated.  This  he  most  readily  complied 
with  ;  and  drawing  a  chair  opposite  to  mine, 
he  sat  down,  and  entered  into  a  conversation 
which  from  general  subjects  very  soon 
diverged  to  the  topic  most  interesting  to  us 
both. 

This  was  the  opportunity  I  had  so  long 
wished  for ;  and,  encouraged  by  his  gentle 
sympathizing  manner,  I  was  about  to  con- 


190  RECANTATION. 

fide  to  him  all  the  scruples  and  objections 
which  harassed  my  mind,  when  I  suddenly 
recollected  the  terrible  penalty  which,  in  the 
form  of  Recantation,  I  had  invoked  upon 
mvself, — that,  should  I  at  any  time  presume 
to  dispute  such  truths,  I  was  to  be  proceeded 
against  according  to  the  rigor  of  the  ecclesias- 
tical laws  ! 

I  had  been  already  long  enough  in  the 

Pontifical  states,  to  learn  to  shudder  at  the 

very  thought  of  the  Inquisition — that  dread 

tribunal  to  whose  authority  all   dissenters 

against  the  Church's  discipline  or  precepts 

are  consigned  :  its  dark  walls  rose  frown- 

ingly  before  me :  and  when  I  remembered 

that  an  ill-placed  confidence,  an  imprudent 

avowal,  might  irredeemably  surrender  rne 

to  its  influence,  my  heart  seemed   to   die 

within  me,  and  I  grew  faint  and  trembling. 

The  priest  noticed  my  sudden  agitation, 

and  I  was  compelled  to  mutter  some  hasty 

excuse  about  suffering  from  the  heat  of  the 

church  that  morning,  whilst  I  endeavored 

to  change  the  subject  of  conversation ;  but 

he  was  not  so  easily  to  be  diverted  from  his 

purpose,  and  kept  on  inquiring  what  books 


RECANTATION.  191 

I  had  read  on  the  doctrines  of  the  Church 
previous  to  my  conversion.  I  was  obliged 
to  explain  the  short  time  Bishop  H.  had  re- 
mained in  Florence,  and  my  ready  ac- 
quiescence to  all  he  taught  me — (I  might 
have  said  with  greater  truth  my  indifference 
and  carelessness  on  the  subject) — before  I 
could  overcome  my  interrogator's  surprise 
on  discovering  the  superficial  nature  of  my 
instructions.  After  his  first  astonishment 
had  subsided,  however,  he  seemed  rather 
pleased  than  otherwise  at  the  task  which 
awaited  him  ;  and  repeated,  that  it  would 
be  his  unceasing  care  to  establish  me  firmly 
in  the  knowledge  of  his  holy  religion.  He 
then  took  from  his  pocket  a  book,  which  it 
seemed  he  had  purposely  brought  with  him, 
entitled  Dottrina  Cristiana,*  and  recom- 
mended it  to  my  assiduous  and  earnest 
perusal.  I  faithfully  promised  to  comply 
with  his  wishes,  and  inwardly  hoped  it 
might  prove  as  tranquillizing  and  beneficial 

*  Dottrina  Cristiana,  compilata  per  ordine  dell'  eminentis- 
simo  Cardinale  Nembrini  Gonzaga,  Vescovo  d'  Ancona,  per 
use  della  Citta  e  Diocesi,  1830. 


192  RECANTATION. 

to  my  restless  state  of  mind  as  he  seemed 
to  anticipate  ;  but  in  the  meantime,  a  new 
inquiry  having  been  started,  I  was  amazed 
beyond  all  powers  of  description  at  the  ex- 
traordinary opinions  I  heard  him  express. 
His  question  had  reference  to  the  nature  of 
religious  works  generally  read  amongst 
Protestants  ;  and  it  was  my  answer,  that 
the  Bible  was  always  the  foundation  of  their 
studies  and  meditations,  which  called  up 
the  startling  declaration,  "that  the  Scrip- 
tures, in  the  hands  of  the  laity,  were  but  the 
vehicle  to  the  most  pernicious  errors  and  de- 
ceit ! 

"What  benefit,"  he  continued,  "do  these 
miserable  heretics  imagine  they  can  derive 
from  reading  a  book,  the  true  meaning  of 
which  is  only  revealed  to  the  clergy  ?  Why 
do  they  have  the  presumption  to  attempt  to 
search  out  mysteries  of  which  the  clue  re- 
mains with  the  Church  and  her  ordained 
ministers?  Tell  me,"  he  added  with  in- 
creasing excitement,  "why  is  this  pestilen- 
tial custom  persisted  in  ?  what  advantage 
to  their  souls  do  they  expect  to  derive  from 
it?" 


RECANTATION.  193 

• ' 

With  a  faltering  voice  I  replied,  that 
Protestants  sometimes  studied  the  Bible  for 
the  strengthening  of  their  faith  by  the  fulfil- 
ment of  the  glorious  prophecies  it  contain- 
ed for — 

"What!"  he  exclaimed,  "do  they  also 
presume  to  search  out  the  prophets,  and 
place  their  own  interpretation  upon  their 
sacred  mysteries?  What  a  religion  ! — it 
gives  the  vulgar  and  ignorant  access  to  its 
hidden  store-houses  of  learning  and  inspira- 
tion, which  they  convert  to  their  own  misery 
and  perdition.  Behold,  with  us  how  different ! 
The  Church,  as  a  pious  mother,  dispenses, 
through  our  hands,  the  food  and  nourishment 
necessary  for  her  children  ; — we  teach,  and 
they,  in  all  humility,  receive  our  doctrine 
and  instruction.  Alas  !  for  those  poor  here- 
tics, rushing  on  to  their  eternal  condemna- 
tion ! " 

"  Nay,  but  my  father,"  I  said  hesitatingly, 
"  remember  there  are  some  who  merely  read 
the  Scriptures  for  the  beautiful  precepts 
they  contain,  and  the  example  of  those  holy 
men  whose  sufferings  they  record"  .... 

"  Talk  not  to  me  of  that,"  he  interrupted, 


194  RECANTATION. 

"  it  gives  no  excuse  for  their  presumption  ! 
The  Church  has  provided  sufficient  books 
to  serve  both  for  precept  and  example,  even 
were  each  man  to  live  a  hundred  years,  and 
read  incessantly  all  that  time.  Have  we 
not  the  lives  of  the  saints  to  furnish  us  with 
lessons  of  faith,  and  patience,  and  endur- 
ance ?  Take,  for  instance,  the  history  of 
'San  Francesco  di  Paolo,'  which  in  itself 
alone  is  of  more  value  than  the  Old  and 
New  Testaments  put  together  !"* 

I  almost  shrieked  at  this  impious  decla- 
ration ;  and  in  the  effort  to  conceal  my  emo- 
tion, I  again  grew  so  pale  and  agitated,  that 
he  attributed  it  to  a  return  of  the  indispo- 
sition of  which  I  had  just  before  complained ; 
and  advising  me  to  try  and  take  a  little  re- 
pose previous  to  going  to  Ancona,  with  a 
fresh  injunction  to  read  the  "  Dottrina  Cris- 
tiana  "  patiently  and  attentively,  he  wished 
me  every  blessing  on  my  studies  and  quitted 
the  room. 

*  The  whole  of  these  sentiments  and  the  concluding  ob- 
servations are  given  in  the  very  words  of  the  Rector  of  one  of 
the  principal  parishes  hi  a  large  and  influential  city  of  the 
Pontifical  States. 


RECANTATION.  195 

He  was  no  sooner  gone  than  I  flew  to 
the  door,  which  I  locked  with  breathless 
impatience,  to  secure  myself  from  any 
further  interruption  ;  and  then  taking  up  the 
Bible  which  his  entrance  had  caused  me  to 
lay  aside,  I  began  with  trembling  eagerness 
to  search  its  pages  for  every  text  or  passage 
that  could  furnish  any  refutation  to  the 
priests's  assertions.  The  words  of  the 
Apostle,  "All  Scripture  is  given  by  inspira- 
tion of  God,  and  is  profitable  for  doctrine, 
for  reproof,  for  correction,  for  instruction  in 
righteousness,"  seemed  engraven  upon  my 
heart ;  and  encouraged  by  this  explicit  de- 
claration, I  was  not  to  be  turned  away  from 
my  purpose  by  the  prejudiced  arguments  and 
angry  vehemence  of  the  individual  who  had 
just  left  me.  The  Sacred  Volume  again  open- 
ed at  the  self-same  place  as  if  to  animate  me 
in  my  researches,  and  I  now  read  the  verse 
preceding  those  which  had  at  first  caught 
my  attention, — "  And  that/rom  a  child  thou 
hast  known  the  Holy  Scriptures,  which  are 
able  to  make  thee  wise  unto  salvation, 
through  faith  which  is  in  Christ  Jesus."* 

*  2  Tim.  iii.  15. 


196  RECANTATION. 

What  greater  proof  is  required  of  the  price- 
less value  of  these  sacred  writings,  than  this 
passage,  in  which  Timothy  is  commended 
for  his  proficiency  in  their  knowledge  since 
his  childhood,  and  is  assured  "  they  can 
make  him  wise  unto  salvation  ?  " 

On,  on,  I  went,  turning  from  page  to 
page, — now  pausing  here — now  hurrying 
on  in  another  direction, — uncertain  where 
to  look  for  what  I  wanted,  and  still  conscious 
all  I  required  was  very  near  at  hand ;  I 
seemed  like  a  man  seeking  in  the  dark  for 
something  he  has  mislaid,  which  he  yet 
knows  cannot  be  far  off,  nor  irrecoverably 
lost, — till  at  length  another  passage  arrest- 
ed my  attention,  as  clear,  as  unmistakeable 
as  the  previous  verses.  "  For  whatsoever 
things  were  written  aforetime  were  written 
for  our  learning,  that  we  through  patience 
and  comfort  of  the  Scriptures  might  have 
hope."*  Hope  ;  blessed  word  !  oh,  surely 
I  needed  hope !  On,  on, — let  me  search 
for  more  ! 

"  But  if  our  Gospel  be  hid,  it  is  hid  to 

*  Rom.  xv.  4. 


RECANTATION.  197 

them  that  are  lost ;  in  whom  the  God  of  this 
world  hath  blinded  the  minds  of  them  which 
believe  not,  lest  the  light  of  the  glorious 
Gospel  of  Christ,  who  is  the  image  of  God, 
should  shine  upon  them."*  Oh,  merciful 
Heaven  !  am  not  I  lost  too  ?  Why  did  I 
confess  with  my  lips  and  swear  to  believe 
and  to  follow  a  religion  that  shuts  out  the 
light  of  this  glorious  Gospel?  Why  did  I 
not  search  and  read  ere  I  fell  into  this 
grievous  sin  ?  And  lo !  here  is  another 
text,  so  clear  that  he  who  runs  may  read. 
"Now,  to  him  that  is  of  power  to  stablish 
you  according  to  my  Gospel,  and  the  preach- 
ing of  Jesus  Christ,  according  to  the  revela- 
tion of  the  mystery  which  was  kept  secret 
since  the  world  began, — but  now  is  made 
manifest,  and  by  the  Scriptures  of  the  prophets, 
according  to  the  commandment  of  the  everlasting 
God,  made  known  to  all  nations  for  the  obedience 
of  faith :  to  God  only  wise,  be  glory  through 
Jesus  Christ  for  ever."f 

Does  this  accord  with  the  spiritual  par- 
simony— the  scanty  dole  of  Revealed  truth, 

*  2  Cor.  iv.  3,  4.  t  Rom  xvi.  25,  26. 


"198  RECANTATION. 

and  of  inspired  testimony,  which  the  Church 
of  Rome  awards  to  her  children  ?  And  here 
is  the  exhortation  of  another  Apostle  in  fur- 
therance of  the  same  spirit  of  extended  in- 
quiry and  research  which  St  Paul  so  elo- 
quently preaches — "  I  stir  up  your  pure 
minds  by  way  of  remembrance,  that  ye  may 
be  mindful  of  the  words  which  were  spoken  before 
by  the  holy  prophets,  and  of  the  command- 
ment of  us,  the  Apostles  of  the  Lord  and 
Saviour."* 

How  strange  it  now  seemed  to  me  that 
I  should  so  often  have  heard  the  Bible  read 
in  church  on  a  Sunday,  and  even  sometimes 
read  it  out  to  my  mother  when  we  were  in 
England, — and  not  have  remembered  these 
striking  texts  till  it  was  too  late  !  I  even 
could  recall  the  apathy  with  which  I  used 
to  turn  over  the  leaves  in  search  of  any 
chapter  that  I  fancied  more  entertaining 
than  the  rest ;  when  I  little  thought  the  time 
would  come  when  I  should  open  its  pages 
with  a  trembling  hand,  tracing  line  by  line, 
and  verse  by  verse,  in  search  of  fresh  wit- 

*  2  Peter  iii.  1,  2. 


RECANTATION.  199 

ness  against  myself, — and  find  both  proof 
and  condemnation  there ! 

My  attendant  now  came  to  tell  me  that 
the  carriage  was  ordered,  and  would  soon 
be  ready.  I  therefore  admitted  her,  and 
prepared  for  our  short  journey.  Soon  after- 
wards I  set  out  in  company  with  the  Mar- 
chesa  Onoria  and  Padre  Placido  ;  and  three 
or  four  hours'  drive  brought  us  to  Ancona, 
where  we  alighted  at  the  same  Palazzo 
which  had  kindly  sheltered  my  husband 

and  myself  on  our  way  to  N a  month 

before.  I  had  never  seen  a  religious  pro- 
cession before,  and  was  struck  with  all  the 
preparations  that  awaited  its  appearance. 
The  windows  and  balconies  of  all  the 
houses  were  hung  with  draperies  of  crimson 
or  yellow  damask;  the  streets  were  strewed 
with  flowers,  and  a  long  line  of  soldiers  kept 
back  the  crowd  on  either  side,  so  as  to  leave 
a  clear  space  for  the  procession  to  pass 
through.  The  crosses  and  banners  of  the 
first  "Compagnia"*  were  already  visible 
in  the  distance  as  I  approached  the  balcony, 

*  The  body  of  brethren  belonging  to  each  parish.    A  sort 
of  religious  corporation. 


200  RECANTATION. 

and  every  head  was  turned  with  anxious 
expectation  to  watch  the  approach  of  the 
solemn  train,  as  they  slowly  advanced,  their 
Measured  chant  becoming  more  audible, 
and  the  flickering  light  of  their  torches 
glancing  in  the  autumnal  sunbeams. 

Onward  they  came,  gorgeous  in  their 
vestments  of  velvet  and  brocade  ;  compagnia 
after  compagnia  defiled  through  the  crowded 
streets,  each  headed  by  their  appropriate 
standard,  and  vieing  in  the  splendor  of  their 
equipments.  Then  appeared  a  long  train 
of  bare-footed  friars,  who  walked  with  their 
eyes  cast  down  to  the  ground  and  their 
shaven  heads  sunk  upon  their  breasts,  as  if 
this  bright  and  beautiful  creation  was  neither 
good  nor  fair  enough  for  such  saintly  men 
as  they.  After  these  came  little  children 
dressed  like  angels,  having  pasteboard  wings 
edged  with  gilt  paper,  holding  fast  by  their 
mother's  hands,  as  they  looked  first  to  one 
side  and  then  the  other,  half  proud  and  half 
bewildered  at  the  novel  situation  in  which 
they  found  themselves.  A  band  of  mu- 
sicians next  appeared,  playing  airs  from 
the  newest  operas  as  they  passed,  in  strange 


RECANTATION.  201 

contrast  to  the  chants  and  litanies  which 
had  been  heard  so  recently  before.  This 
seemed  a  sort  of  interlude  in  the  pageant ; 
for  although  nothing  more  was  yet  in  sight, 
every  eye  was  strained  to  catch  the  first  in- 
dications of  a  movement  in  the  distant 
crowd  :  I  took  this  opportunity  of  inquiring 
what  it  was  which  appeared  to  excite  so 
much  expectation,  and  I  was  hastily  told 
that  it  was  the  far-famed  Madonna  of  the 
Duomo,  who  could  open  and  shut  her  eyes, 
and  had  delivered  the  town  from  the  cholera 
some  years  before;  in  commemoration  of 
which  this  procession  was  annually  per- 
formed, and  her  miraculous  picture  carried 
in  triumph  through  the  city.  And  now, 
again,  the  gleaming  of  tapers  was  seen,  as 
bare-headed,  two  by  two,  each  carrying 
a  lighted  waxen  flambeau,  the  principal 
nobles  of  Ancona  came  slowly  on ;  these 
were  followed  by  the  magistrates,  anziani,* 
and  gonfalonier  ej  all  in  their  robes  of  office 
and  authority.  The  fragrant  smell  of  in- 
cense was  now  wafted  on  the  air,  and  choral 

*  Elders  or  senators.          t  The  chief  magistrate. 

10 


202  RECANTATION. 

hymns  of  praise  were  heard  swelling  in  the 
distance.  Louder  and  louder  grew  those 
solemn  sounds,  and  clouds  of  fleecy  smoke 
rose  from  the  massive  censers  which  the 
attendant  priests  swung  to  and  fro  as  they 
preceded  the  long-looked-for  object  of  the 
day's  ceremonial.  On  a  richly-adorned 
shrine,  borne  by  the  chief  dignitaries  of  the 
cathedral,  and  surmounted  by  a  splendid 
canopy,  was  placed  the  venerated  picture. 
As  it  approached  the  buzz  of  excitement  was 
hushed,  no  sound  broke  the  stillness  of  the 
air,  save  the  triumphant  anthems  of  the 
priests — the  soldiers  presented  arms  and 
bent  the  knee — the  dense  crowd  undulated 
for  an  instant  like  an  unquiet  sea,  and  then 

simultaneously  all  knelt  and  WORSHIPPED  ! 

#'        #         *         *         #         *         •* 

For  hours — for  days — was  that  scene  con- 
stantly present  to  my  imagination  ;  I  again 
seemed  to  view  the  adoring  multitude  pros- 
trate before  the  senseless  picture,  and 
writhed  in  agony  to  think  I  had  embraced 
a  faith  which  encouraged  such  foul  idolatry ! 
I  remembered  the  indignation  with  which  I 
had  repelled  my  mother's  assertion  that 


RECANTATION.  203 

image  worship  was  inculcated  by  the  Church 
of  Rome;  and  even  the  bishop's  words 
which  I  then  quoted  to  her,  came  back 
clearly  and  distinct  as  if  he  were  still  speak- 
ing to  me — "  It  is  a  fiend-like  malicious 
charge,  and  I  grieve  that  Christian  men 
should  bear  such  false  witness  against  their 
brethren."  But  if  this  imputation  were  really 
unfounded,  wherefore  is  the  second  com- 
mandment completely  suppressed  ?  Wherefore 
have  they  dared  to  take  away  aught  from 
the  Divine  code  of  laws,  delivered  amid 
"  thunders  and  lightnings,  arid  a  thick  cloud 
upon  the  mount,  and  the  voice  of  the  trumpet 
exceeding  loud ;  so  that  all  the  people  trem- 
bled ?  "  * 

It  was  in  the  Dottrina  Cristiana,  placed 
within  my  hands  as  the  key-stone  of  salva- 
tion, that  I  first  made  the  discovery  of  this 
impious  omission.  This  work  is  arranged 
in  the  form  of  a  catechism,  and  the  first 
question  relating  to  this  subject  demands 
the  number  of  the  Commandments  of  God, 


*  Exod.  xix.  16. 


204  RECANTATION. 

to   which  the  reply  is   Ten,  and    they  are 
thus  successively  repeated. 

1.  I  am  the  Lord  thy  God,  thou  shalt 
have  none  other  gods  before  me. 

2.  Thou  shalt  not  take  the  name  of  the 
Lord  in  vain. 

3.  Sanctify  the  holy-days. 

4.  Honor  thy  father  and  thy  mother. 
The  fifth,  sixth,  seventh,  and  eighth  cor- 
respond to  the   sixth,  seventh,  eighth,  and 
ninth  of  the  two  tables,  without  any  varia- 
tion or  curtailment.     In  order  to  fill  up  the 
remaining  deficiency,  the  tenth  command- 
ment is  divided  in  the  following  manner. 

9.  Thou  shalt  not  covet  thy  neighbor's 

wTife. 
10.  Thou  shalt  not  covet  thy  neighbor's 

goods. 

After  this  fearful  innovation  the  Dottrina 
inquires,  "  Who  gave  us  these  command- 
ments ?"  and  instructs  the  catechumen  to 
reply  :— 

"  God  himself,  in  the  Old  Covenant,  en- 
graved upon  two  tables  of  stone  ;  and  con- 
firmed by  Jesus  Christ  in  the  New  Dispen- 
sation." 


RECANTATION.  205 

The  Church  does  not  tell  her  followers 
that  she  has  tampered  with  the  Word  of 
God,  while  she  denies  them  access  to  Holy 
Writ,  lest  they  should  search  and  see 
whether  "those  things  are  so."  Surely  her 
priests  cannot  remember  the  solemn  ordi- 
nance conveyed  through  Moses,  "  ye  shall 
not  add  to  the  Word  which  I  command  you, 
neither  shall  ye  DIMINISH  aught  from  it  "* 
— or  consider  the  awful  doom  pronounced 
in  the  Revelation  by  the  angel,  and  which 
applies  to  all  parts  of  the  Sacred  Writings, 
against  him  "  who  shall  either  add  to  or 
TAKE  AWAY  aught  from  the  Words  of  that 
Book?"t 

All  Dr.  H's  specious  arguments,  which 
I  so  readily  repeated  to  my  poor  sweet 
mother — even  the  very  texts  I  had  been  in- 
structed to  bring  forward,  returned  vividly 
to  my  mind  ;  and  I  remembered  quoting 
the  two  cherubims  of  gold  for  the  ark  of  the 
tabernacle,  and  the  brazen  serpent  in  the 
wilderness — as  a  proof  that  graven  images 
might  be  venerated  in  churches  as  religious 

*  Deut.  iv.  2.  t  Rev.  xxii.  18,  19. 


206  RECANTATION. 

memorials,  without  any  danger  of  lapsing 
into  idolatry.  But  the  newly-sprung  up 
spirit  of  inquiry  within  me,  soon  led  me  on 
to  search  out  the  passages  which  referred 
to  these  circumstances,  and  compare  them 
with  other  parts  of  Holy  Writ;  and  ere 
long  the  simple  truth  dawned  upon  me,  and 
demonstrated  that  even  this  reasoning,  which 
had  seemed  so  conclusive,  was  completely 
at  fault.  For  it  is  clearly  evident  that  these 
"  cherubim s  of  beaten  gold"  were  not  de- 
signed to  receive  any  outward  marks  of 
respect  from  the  Jewish  people — nor  even 
to  awake  their  attention  and  devotion  as 
religious  memorials,  since  they  were  placed 
WITHIN  the  veil,  in  the  holiest  of  all,* 
where  the  people  could  not  see  them,  and  where 
the  high  priest  alone  was  permitted  to  enter 
once  a  year.  With  regard  to  the  brazen 
serpent — it  appears  that  in  aftertimes,  when 
they  had  fallen  into  idolatry,  the  children  of 
Israel  did  actually  burn  incense  before  this 
relic,  in  commemoration  no  doubt  of  the 
miraculous  relief  which  their  forefathers 

*  See  Heb.  ix.  1—7. 


RECANTATION.  207 

had  derived  from  gazing  stedfastly  upon 
it,  when  lifted  up  by  Moses  in  the  wilder- 
ness. But  this  mark  of  veneration  to  a 
graven  image  was  displeasing  to  the  Al- 
mighty, for  I  read  that  "  it  was  broken  in 
pieces  by  the  good  King  Hezekiah,"  who, 
zealous  in  purging  the  land  of  its  idolatries, 
"  did  that  which  was  good  in  the  sight  of  the 
Lord."* 

With  respect  to  the  worship  paid  to  the 
Virgin  and  the  Saints,  I  had  hitherto  re- 
mained satisfied  with  Dr.  H's  assurance, 
"  that  no  Catholic  ever  entreats  any  act  of 
favor  from  them,  except  through  the  merits 
of  our  Saviour.  We  merely  ask,"  he  re- 
peated, "  for  their  prayers  on  our  behalf  on 
the  principle  of  St.  James,  that  <  the  prayer 
of  a  righteous  man  availeth  much  ;'  and 
what  difference,"  he  artfully  concluded, 
"  what  difference  could  there  possibly  be  if 
that  righteous  man  were  still  on  earth,  or 
already  numbered  with  the  Blessed?  " 

This  reasoning  appeared  so  forcible,  and 

*  2  Kings  xviii.  3,  4. 


208  RECANTATION. 

I  had  heard  the  same  defence  and  explana- 
tion of  this  practice  so  often  brought  for- 
ward by  Roman  Catholics  in  England,  that 
it  disarmed  all  inquiry,  and  I  remained  com- 
pletely satisfied  on  the  subject  until  my  ar- 
rival in  Romagna,  and  establishment  in  my 
mother-in-law's  family.  It  was  then  that 
as  one  by  one  all  prospects  of  happiness 
seemed  forsaking  me,  the  veil  slowly  fell 
from  my  eyes,  and  I  saw  revealed  the  utter 
hollowness  of  the  arguments  in  which  I  had 
so  blindly  acquiesced.  If  it  be  not  irreverent 
and  wicked  thus  to  speak,  I  found  that  a 
complete  system  of  polytheism  exists  in  the 
Romish  Church,  at  the  head  of  which  the 
pure  and  spotless  Virgin,  "the  highly- 
favored  and  blessed  among  women"  has 
been  raised  to  the  station  and  attributes  of 
a  Divinity ! 

In  the  Dottrina  Cristiana  the  following 
definition  is  given  of  the  Axe  Maria. 

"  It  is  a  salutation  and  prayer  addressed 
to  the  Mother  of  God  ;"  and  in  the  vulgar 
tongue  may  be  rendered  thus  : — 

"  Hail  Mary,  full  of  grace  ;  the  Lord  is 


RECANTATION.  209 

with  thee,  blessed  art  thou  among  women.* 
Saint  Mary,  Mother  of  God,  pray  for  us  sin- 
ners, both  now  and  in  the  hour  of  death." 

The  next  question  is,  "  By  whom  was 
this  composed?  "  To  which  the  catechumen 
replies — 

"  Partly  by  the  Archangel  Gabriel,  part- 
ly by  Saint  Elizabeth,  and  partly  by  the 
Church." 

This  is  plausible  enough,  particularly 
when  it  is  considered  that  the  learner,  de- 
prived access  to  the  Sacred  Volume,  is 
ignorant  where  the  language  'of  inspiration 
ceases,  and  the  Church's  additions  com- 
mence. The  whole  winds  up  with  this  de- 
claration : — 

"  By  the  intercession  of  the  most  Blessed 
Virgin,  I  can  more  easily  obtain  that  which 
I  ask  of  God  ;  for  she  is  the  ADVOCATE  OF 
SINNERS,  and  full  of  grace,  and  is  exalted 
in  heaven  above  all  the  choirs  of  angels, 
and  is  most  acceptable  unto  God." 

Alas  !  alas  !  I  have  searched  the  apos- 
tolic writings  in  the  hope  of  finding  a  line — 

*  See  Luke  i.  28,  42. 

10* 


210  RECANTATION. 

a  word  even  to  sanction  this  invocation  to 
the  Virgin ;  but,  on  the  contrary,  their  uni- 
form language  is  "  by  prayer  and  supplica- 
tion with  thanksgiving,  let  your  requests  be 
made  known  unto  GOD."* 

"  If  any  man  sin,  we  have  an  Advocate 
with  the  Father,  Jesus  Christ  the  righteous : 
and  HE  is  the  propitiation  for  our  sins."t 
And,  then,  what  can  be  more  comprehen- 
sive than  this  declaration  of  St.  Paul,  "  It 
is  Christ  that  is  risen  again,  who  is  even  at 
the  right  hand  of  God,  who  also  maketh  inter- 
cession  for  us  ?  "J 

Is  not  our  Saviour  here  shown  to  be  all- 
sufficient  for  us  1  what  need  have  we  of 
any  other  Mediator,  than  HE  "  through 
whose  blood  we  have  redemption,  even  the 
forgiveness  of  sins?  "§  Neither  could  I  dis- 
cover a  single  passage  in  the  Scriptures  to 
authorize  onr  petitioning  any  of  the  saints 
to  use  their  influence  in  our  behalf;  even 
the  often-quoted  words  of  St.  James  do  not, 
when  thoroughly  examined,  afford  the  slight- 

*  Phil.  iv.  6.  t  1  John  ii.  1,  2. 

t  Rom.  viii.  34.  §  Colos.  i.  14. 


RECANTATION.  211 

est  support  to  this  argument,  although  they 
are  constantly  brought  forward  by  Roman 
Catholics.  "  Pray  for  one  another,"  says 
the  Apostle,  "that  ye  may  be  healed.  The 
effectual  fervent  prayer  of  a  righteous  man 
availeth  much."*  None  will  dispute  the 
excellence  of  this  exhortation,  or  deny  that 
often  in  the  hour  of  suffering  and  sorrow 
they  may  have  asked  for  the  prayers  of 
some  pious  friend,  in  the  same  way  that  an 
entire  congregation  are  requested  to  join  irt 
supplication  for  an  afflicted  brother.  But 
far  different  is  the  case  when  that  pious 
friend  is  removed  from  earth  to  receive  his 
reward  in  heaven  ;  for  his  assistance  is  then 
no  longer  demanded  as  from  one  man  to 
his  fellow,  but  his  aid  and  intercession  are 
PRAYED  for  on  bended  knee — and  if  the  Ro- 
manists believe  their  saints  can  hear  their 
petitions,  when  they  are  being  perhaps  in- 
voked from  opposite  ends  of  the  world  at 
the  same  moment,  they  at  once  invest  them 
with  omnipresence,  the  attribute  of  God  alone. 
I  heard  Padre  Placido  one  day  express 

*  .Tames  v.  10, 


212  RECANTATION. 

his  sentiments  on  this  subject  by  comparing 
the  kingdom  of  heaven  to  an  earthly  court, 
whose  sovereign  we  never  venture  to  address 
on  our  own  behalf,  but  supplicate  those 
ministers  and  officers  who  are  more  imme- 
diately about  his  person,  and  highest  in  his 
favor,  to  intercede  for  us  with  him,  that  he 
may  grant  what  we  desire.  But  to  extend 
this  notion  to  Him  whose  kingdom  is  from 
everlasting — to  measure  heavenly  things  by 
the  standard  of  the  perishable  vanities  of 
this  world — is  surely  to  despise  the  majesty 
of  God,  who  "  knoweth  before  we  ask  what 
we  stand  in  need  of:"  and  to  set  little  store 
by  that  Divine  assurance,  "  J,  even  J,  am 
he  that  comforteth  you."* 

I  remembered,  too,  while  he  spoke,  our 
Saviour's  words,  "I  AM  THE  WAY,  the  truth, 
and  the  life  :  no  man  cometh  unto  the  Fa- 
ther, but  BY  ME  ;"  and  St.  Paul's  express 
declaration,  "  There  is  one  God,  and  ONE 
MEDIATOR  BETWEEN  GOD  AND  MEN,"t  re- 
turned forcibly  to  my  recollection,  and  I 
asked  myself  where  was  the  infallibility  of 

*  Isa.  1.  18.  f  1  Tim,  ii.  5. 


RECANTATION.  213 

a  religion  which  acknowledged  so  many 
mediators,  so  many  intercessors — and  even 
conferred  upon  the  Virgin  the  title  of  AD- 
VOCATE OF  SINNERS,  in  direct  opposition  to 
every  injunction  of  Holy  Writ? 

I  dared  not,  however,  allow  a  suspicion 
of  these  reasonings  to  be  discovered,  and  in 
the  solitude  of  my  chamber  pursued  these 
researches,  which  though  so  brief  in  the  de- 
tail, occupied  me  many  days,  nay,  even 
weeks  of  study.  The  mystery  which  at- 
tended this  new  pursuit,  invested  it  with 
fresh  charms  for  me  ;  in  the  chilled  and  dis- 
appointed state  of  my  affections,  I  seemed 
to  require  some  engrossing  excitement  to 
occupy  my  thoughts,  and  divert  them  from 
brooding  over  my  own  desolation  and  neg- 
lect ;  and  while  the  ardor  of  this  investi- 
gation lasted,  while  something  remained  to 
be  discovered — some  error  or  superstition 
to  be  exposed — I  threw  into  this  inquiry  all 
the  energy  and  attention  of  which  my  fa- 
culties were  capable.  It  was  while  these 
feelings  were  at  their  utmost  height,  that 
during  another  visit  to  Ancona  I  repaired 
one  afternoon  to  the  "duomo"  in  the  hopes 


214  RECANTATION. 

of  finding  some  moments  of  tranquility  and 
consolatory  reflection  within  its  walls.  The 
season  was  Advent,  and  a  celebrated 
preacher  delivered  a  course  of  lectures 
which  all  the  most  devout  Roman  Catholics 
daily  attended ;  I  had  promised  Padre 
Placido  to  go  and  hear  one  of  the  sermons, 
but  I  purposely  repaired  to  the  cathedral 
earlier  than  the  appointed  hour,  and  before 
the  congregation  assembled,  that  I  might 
wander  alone  through  its  gloomy  aisles,  and 
unwatched,  unseen,  prostrate  myself  upon 
the  antique  pavement,  and  pour  out  the  full 
bitterness  of  my  soul  before  Him  who  alone 
could  view  me  there. 

It  is  sublimely  situated,  that  venerable 
Church  !  Alone  on  the  mountain's  crest,  it 
looks  down  upon  the  city,  which  rises  along 
the  hill,  yet  comes  not  near  enough  to  dis- 
turb the  solitude  and  retirement  which 
reign  in  this  sacred  spot!  The  only  sound 
that  breaks  the  impressive  silence  is  the 
solemn  pealing  of  the  organ,  mingled  with 
the  voices  of  the  priests,  who  chant 
their  tribute  of  praise  to  the  Great  Being 
whose  solemn  rites  are  here  celebrated  in 


RECANTATION.  215 

place  of  the  pagan  worship  of  former  times. 
But  would  to  heaven  that  I  could  stop  here 
— and  say  that  only  the  mysterious  God- 
head, the  Three  in  One,  whom  all  Christians 
unite  in  acknowledging — were  here  adored  ! 
As  I  was  kneeling  in  one  of  the  retired 
chapels  which  diverge  on  either  side  from 
the  aisles,  my  attention  was  attracted  to  an 
engraved  portrait  of  the  Madonna  affixed  to 
one  of  the  columns,  beneath  which  I  read  a 
prayer,  of  which  the  following  is  a  transla- 
tion : — 

TO  THE  MOST  HOLY  MARY. 

I  adore  thee,  most  holy  Virgin,  Queen 
of  the  heavens,  Lady  and  Patroness  of  the 
universe  ;  as  Daughter  of  the  eternal  Fa- 
ther, Mother  of  His  dearly  beloved  Son,  and 
most  lovely  Bride  of  the  Holy  Spirit. 

Prostrate  at  the  feet  of  Thy  great  Majes- 
ty, with  the  utmost  humility  I  implore  Thee, 
by  that  divine  charity  with  which  thou  wast 
endowed  and  taken  up  into  heaven  in  order 
to  show  me  grace  and  mercy,  to  receive  me 
into  the  number  of  those  happy  and  favored 
servants  whom  thou  bearest  inscribed  on 


216  RECANTATION. 

thy  Virginal  bosom :  deign,  Mother !  and 
my  most  merciful  Lady,  to  receive  this 
miserable  and  corrupt  heart !  Take  mem- 
ory, will,  and  all  my  other  mental  powers  ; 
take  my  senses  external  and  internal ;  ac- 
cept eyes,  ears,  mouth,  hands,  and  feet,  &c. 
&c.  &c. 

I  had  scarcely  recovered  from  my  be- 
wilderment and  horror  on  reading  this  pro- 
fane address,  when  the  entrance  of  numbers 
of  people  into  the  cathedral  reminded  me 
that  I  had  promised  to  meet  the  Marchesa 
Onoria  at  the  entrance,  in  order  to  sit  beside 
her  during  the  sermon.  I  was  able,  how- 
ever, to  pay  but  little  attention  to  the  preach- 
er, as  my  mind  was  wandering  back  to  the 
extraordinay  prayer,  and  I  could  not  over- 
come the  impression  it  had  produced.  Once 
I  tried  to  recall  my  agitated  thoughts,  and 
listen  to  the  discourse,  which,  singularly 
enough,  was  an  eulogium  upon  the  virtues 
and  pre-eminent  goodness  of  the  Madonna. 

So  far  all  was  well.  None  can  presume 
to  doubt  that  the  Virgin  must  have  been 
superior  to  all  other  women  in  every  moral 
and  intellectual  quality,  as  she  also  was 


RECANTATION.  217 

honored  far  above  them  all ;  and  although 
the  apostolic  writings  contain  no  allusion  to 
this  subject,  there  is  no  reason  to  gainsay 
what  the  Romanist  may  bring  forward  in 
her  praise.  But  when  I  heard  the  preacher, 
growing  more  and  more  energetic  in  his 
language  and  gesticulations,  declare,  "that 
whosoever  did  not  worship  the  Madonna 
could  not  possibly  be  saved  !  "*  I  shudder- 
ed at  the  impiety  of  this  doctrine,  and  tried 
to  forget  alike  where  I  was,  and  what  I  had 
become ! 

It  seemed  as  if  I  was  fated  to  have  all 
the  superstitious  absurdities  of  the  Popish 
Creed  pressed  rapidly  upon  my  notice,  in 
order  more  completely  to  convince  me  of  the 
fearful  wickedness  I  had  committed  in  re- 
linquishing the  simple  tenets  and  Gospel 
truths  of  the  Protestant  Church  of  England. 

One  night  I  was  disturbed  in  my  sleep 
by  the  joyous  ringing  of  church-bells  and 
the  firing  of  cannon,  which  were  continued 
at  intervals  till  the  morning ; — it  was  in 
commemoration  of  the  arrival  of  the  holy 

*  The  exact  words  of  the  priest  were,  "  Senz'  adorar  la 
Madonna  non  si  puo  andare  in  alto." 


218  RECANTATION. 

house  of  Loreto,  which,  according  to  Padre 
Placido,  was  carried  by  angels  from  Naza- 
reth to  the  Adriatic  shores,  on  the  10th  of 
December,  1294 ! 

He  lent  me  a  work  on  the  subject,*  giv- 
ing a  detailed  narration  of  the  miraculous 
translation,  which  abounds  in  expressions 
similar  to  this  ; — "  From  the  propitious 
moment  in  which  the  holy  house  of  the 
Virgin  Mary  established  itself  amongst  us, 
a  rich  source  of  the  most  stupendous  prodi- 
gies— the  most  singular  mercies — was  open- 
ed to  the  human  race.  Here  the  blind  re- 
ceived sight,  the  crooked  were  made 
straight,  the  sick  healed,  and  the  most  ob- 
stinate and  impenitent  converted  from  their 
sins." 

The  same  volume  contains  a  list  of  the 
indulgences  conceded  by  various  pontiffs  in 
favor  of  the  devout  pilgrims  to  the  Santa 
Casa;  the  last  and  most  remarkable  is  a 
proof  that  this  superstition  extends  to  the 
present  enlightened  century  fully  as  much 

*  Relazione  Istorica  della  Santa  Casa  di  Loreto,  del 
Sacerdota  D.  Vincenzo  Murri.  Edizione  xvi. 


RECANTATION.  219 

as  to  the  dark  ages.  It  is  from  Pius  VII., 
dated  August  29,  1815,  and  accords  to •"  all 
those  persons  who,  in  addition  to  confession 
and  communion,  should  daily  visit  the  holy 
house,  plenary  indulgence,  which-  may  also 
be  applied  to  the  souls  in  purgatory." 

Another  of  the  subjects  discussed  with 
my  mother  often  reverted  to  my  mind, 
and  caused  me  to  sigh  over  the  impetuosity 
with  which  I  had  borne  down  all  her  argu- 
ments,— not  suffering  her  scarcely  to  raise  a 
doubt  in  opposition  to  any  of  the  bishop's 
opinions.  She  had  objected  to  the  Mass 
being  celebrated  in  Latin,  and  I  had  replied 
to  her  in  the  words  of  my  instructor,  "  that 
the  language  of  the  Liturgy  had  descended 
as  a  precious  legacy  from  the  time  when  St. 
Peter  and  St.  Paul  preached  in  Rome,  and 
it  would  be  incongruous  to  perform  it  in  a 
modern  tongue." 

Now  setting  aside  that  most  of  the  pray- 
ers in  the  Liturgy  were  compiled  by  differ- 
erent  Fathers  of  the  Church,  two  or  three 
centuries  after  the  apostle's  ministry,  it 
struck  me  as  singularly  inconsistent  in  the 
Romanists,  so  entirely  to  disregard  St.  Paul's 


220  RECANTATION. 

injunctions  on  the  subject  of  preaching, 
while  they  profess  to  pay  such  deference  to 
the  language  in  which  he  had  instructed 
them.  In  my  researches  I  found  these 
words, — "  So  likewise  ye,  except  ye  utter 
by  the  tongue  words  easy  to  be  understood, 
how  shall  it  be  known  what  is  spoken  ? 
Even  so  ye,  forasmuch  as  ye  are  zealous  of 
spiritual  gifts,  seek  that  ye  may  excel  to  the 
edifying  of  the  Church.  Wherefore,  let  him 
that  speaketh  in  an  unknown  tongue  pray 
that  he  may  interpret.  Else  when  thou  shalt 
bless  with  the  spirit,  how  shall  he  that  occu- 
pieth  the  room  of  the  unlearned,  say  Amen  at 
thy  giving  of  thanks,  seeing  he  understandcth 
not  what  thou  sayest  ?  In  the  Church  I  had 
rather  speak  five  words  with  my  understanding, 
that  by  my  voice  I  might  teach  others  also, 
than  ten  thousand  words  in  an  unknown 
tongue."* 

Alas !  for  the  poor,  benighted,  ignorant 
people,  who  at  church  I  used  to  see  kneel- 
ing around  me,  unable  to  read  in  any  lan- 
guage, so  that  the  "  translations  of  the  Li- 

*  1  Cor.  xiv.  9.  12, 13.  16.  19. 


RECANTATION. 

turgy,"  of  which  the  bishop  had  told  me, 
could  prove  of  no  manner  of  benefit  to 
them ;  they  had  no  benevolent  Apostle  to 
interest  himself  for  their  spiritual  welfare  ! 
The  Christian  love  which  breathes  through- 
out the  passage  I  have  quoted,  and  which 
finally  leads  the  inspired  writer  to  wish  that 
he  might  sooner  say  Jive  words  with  his  un- 
derstanding, so  that  he  might  teach  others 
also,  than  ten  thousand  in  an  unknown 
tongue,  is  surely  deserving  of  all  praise  and 
imitation.  But  the  Church  of  Rome  deems 
otherwise ;  she  honors  the  name  of  this 
great  Apostle  on  earth — she  venerates  him 
as  a  saint  in  Heaven — and  yet  persists  in 
violating  his  clear  and  explicit  injunctions  ! 
During  the  celebration  of  Mass,  two  chap- 
ters are  read  from  the  Gospels,  which  none 
of  the  congregation,  excepting,  of  course, 
those  well  acquainted  with  Latin,  can  in 
any'degree  be  benefitted  by,  as  no  transla- 
tions of  the  Scriptures  are  published  with 
the  Prayer  Books  conceded  to  the  laity. 
This  regulation  of  the  Church  has  probably 
in  view  the  greater  exaltation  of  the  clergy 
over  the  lower  orders  of  the  people,  who 


222  RECANTATION. 

invest  with  additional  respect  that  priest- 
hood which  ministers  to  them  in  an  unknown 
tongue,  and  can  thereby  "  search  out  all 
mysteries."  It  was  also,  doubtless,  with  a 
view  of  more  firmly  consolidating  its  influ- 
ence, and  uniting  its  clergy  as  a  distinct 
body,  without  ties  or  interests  in  common 
with  the  rest  of  mankind,  that  the  Papal 
See  forbade  marriage  to  all  such  as  aspired 
to  the  service  of  religion.  Many  Roman 
Catholics  do  not  attempt  to  justify  this  pro- 
hibition, but  acknowledge  it  as  one  of  the 
crying  abuses  of  their  Church,*  and  the 
principal  cause  of  the  immorality  of  the 
priesthood,  which  in  southern  Italy  particu- 
larly is  so  notorious,  that  the  government 
appear  to  consider  all  efforts  to  repress  it  as 
superfluous. 

Whatever  ill  effects  this  ordinance  has 
produced,  as  far  as  relates  to  individuals,  it 
is  certain  that,  politically  speaking,  it 
gives  the  Roman  See  a  vast  range  of  influ- 

*  This  dogma  did  not  spring  up  until  the  fourth  century, 
when  Pope  Siricius  forbade  marriage  to  his  clergy ;  but  the 
prohibition  did  not  seem  to  be  much  regarded,  nor  was  it  fully 
established  until  the  end  of  the  eleventh  century, 


RECANTATION.  223 

ence ;  the  priest's  hopes  and  wishes,  care 
and  ambition,  are  all  centred  in  the  Church, 
with  no  domestic  affections  to  shackle  his 
energies,  or  divert  his  attention  to  other  ob- 
jects. What,  however,  is  most  calculated 
to  detach  the  clergy  completely  from  the 
great  body  of  the  people,  while  it  exalts 
them  far  above  all  the  ranks  of  the  laity,  is 
their  doctrine  of  TRANSUBSTANTIATION  ; 
and,  indeed,  to  those  who  verily  believe 
that  their  ministers  have  the  power  of  crea- 
ting, whenever  they  choose,  the  bodily  sub- 
stance of  the  Deity,  they  must  appear  a 
very  exalted  sect  indeed  ! 

On  this  most  awful,  most  important 
question,  of  the  REAL  CORPOREAL  PRE- 
SENCE, I  had  not  hitherto  trusted  myself  to 
inquire,  endeavoring  to  lull  my  conscience 
into  security,  and  remain  convinced  with 
Dr.  H.'s  explanations  on  the  subject.  The 
restless  spirit  of  dissatisfaction,  however, 
grew  daily  stronger  within  me,  and  I  ex- 
plored the  Sacred  Volume  with  greater 
eagerness  than  ever — not  so  much  with  the 
hope  of  deriving  any  consolation  from  its 


224  RECANTATION. 

soothing  assurances,  as  with  the  anxious 
desire  of  ascertaining  whether  I  had,  or  not, 
been  completely  mistaken  and  deceived. 
The  Dottrina  Christiana  thus  defines  this 
doctrine,  and  teaches,  that,  "  as  soon  as  the 
priest  has  ended  the  prayer  of  consecration, 
the  substance  of  the  bread  is  changed  into 
the  real  Body  of  Jesus  Christ,  and  the  sub- 
stance of  the  wine  into  his  Blood." 

Question.  Beneath  the  appearance  of  the 
bread  is  there  nothing  more  than  the  body 
of  our  Lord  ? 

Answer.  Yes  ;  there  is  also  the  Blood, 
SOUL,  and  DIVINITY. 

Question.  When  Jesus  Christ,  in  his  true, 
real,  and  corporeal  presence,  abides  in  the 
Wafer  and  the  Chalice,  does  he  leave  Hea- 
ven ? 

Answer.  No  ;  but  by  Divine  Power  He 
is  found  at  the  same  time  in  Heaven  and  in 
the  Holy  Sacrament. 

Question.  The  body  of  Christ  in  the  wa- 
fer, is  it  large  or  small  ? 

Answer.  As  large  as  in  Heaven. 

Question.  When  the  wafer  is  broken,  is 
the  body  of  Jesus  Christ  broken  also? 


RECANTATION.  225 

Answer.  No  ;  the  body  is  not  broken,  but 
only  the  appearance  of  the  bread  :  his  body 
remains  entire  in  every  part  of  the  wafer. 

Question.  Does  he  remain  alive  or  dead  ? 

Answer.  He  remains  alive  and  glorious; 
immortal  in  body,  in  soul,  and  in  divinity, 
as  he  is  in  Heaven. 

Question.  Therefore,  whosoever  receives 
even  half  of  the  consecrated  particle,  re- 
ceives the  entire  Christ  ? 

Answer.  Yes,  without  doubt,  he  receives 
Him  entirety. 

Question.  Must  you  adore  the  Body  and 
Blood  of  Jesus  Christ? 

Answer.  Yes,  certainly,  because  this 
body  and  this  blood  are  inseparably  united 
to  the  Divinity. 

Question.  Why  do  you  believe  that  Je- 
sus Christ  is  in  reality  present  in  this  Sa- 
crament? 

Answer.  Because  he  has  told  us  so  Him- 
self, and  the  Holy  Church  teaches  us  so 
also. 

In  the  concluding  directions  to  the  de- 
vout communicant,  he  is  instructed  to  em- 
ploy himself  in  acts  of  devotion  for  a  quarter 
11 


226  RECANTATION. 

of  an  hour  at  least,  after  having  received 
the  Sacrament,  as  "  for  about  that  space  of 
tinae  Jesus  Christ  remains  corporeally  with- 
in him,  dispensing  mercies,  if  he  will  but 
profit  by  so  favorable  an  opportunity." 

This  is  the  doctrine  which  the  Romish 
Church  holds  with  respect  to  the  Eucharist, 
when  considered  as  a  Sacrament,  and  in 
support  whereof  it  quotes  our  Saviour's 
words  :  "  The  bread  that  I  will  give  is  my 
flesh,  which  I  will  give  for  the  life  of  the 
world;"  and,  "  For  my  flesh  is  meat  indeed, 
and  my  blood  is  drink  indeed."  : 

These  verses,  if  taken  literally,  and 
without  reference  to  what  precedes,  and 
especially  to  what  follows,  do  certainly 
appear  to  support  the  Romish  tenets ;  but 
viewed  as  they  were  uttered  by  our  Sa- 
viour, in  a  spiritual  sense,  all  difficulties 
vanish.  We  cannot,  however,  be  surprised 
that  these  texts,  in  an  isolated  position, 
should  prove  a  stumbling-block  to  the 
Church  of  Rome  ;  for  even  the  disciples 
were  astonished,  and  said,  "  This  is  a  hard 

*John  vi.  51.  55, 


RECANTATION.  227 

saying;  who  can  hear  it?"  to  which  our 
Saviour  replied,  "  It  is  the  Spirit  that  quick- 
eneth,  the  flesh  profiteth  nothing  :  the  words 
that  I  speak  unto  you,  they  are  spirit,  and 
they  are  life." 

Now,  if  the  real  material  flesh  were  sig- 
nified in  the  declaration,  "  For  my  flesh  is 
meat  indeed,  and  my  blood  is  drink  indeed," 
our  Lord  would  not  immediately  afterwards 
have  asserted,  "  The  flesh  profiteth  no- 
thing." Besides  which,  his  very  marked 
expression,  "  Flesh  indeed,  and  drink  in- 
deed," plainly  demonstrates  that  these  were 
to  be  taken  in  a  spiritual  and  heavenly,  and 
not  in  their  usual  carnal  or  earthly  sense. 

To  the  Jews,  who  strove  among  them- 
selves, saying,  "  How  can  this  man  give  us 
his  flesh  to  eat?"  our  Lord's  language  is 
equally  explicit.  After  having  promised 
eternal  life  and  redemption  at  the  last  day, 
to  whosoever  eateth  his  flesh  and  drinketh 
his  blood,  He  goes  on  to  say,  "  He  that  eat- 
eth me,  even  he  shall  live  by  me.  This  is 
that  bread  which  came  down  from  Heaven : 
not  as  your  fathers  did  eat  manna,  and  are 
dead  :  he  that  eateth  of  this  bread  shall  HVQ 


RECANTATION. 

forever."  *  Thus  plainly  showing  that  His 
body  was  not  to  be  eaten  as  food — not  as 
manna  was  eaten  by  the  Israelites — but  to 
be  taken  into  the  SOUL,  in  order  that  we 
might  become  one  with  Jesus,  and  live  for- 
ever. 

The  Roman  Catholics  also  bring  for- 
ward the  words  of  our  Saviour  at  the  last 
Supper,  when  He  brake  the  bread,  "Take, 
eat,  this  is  my  body  ;"  and,  in  reference  to 
the  cup,  "This  is  my  blood  of  the  New  Tes- 
tament, which  is  shed  for  many  for  the  re- 
mission of  sins  ;"t  but  on  looking  to  the  very 
next  verse,  what  do  we  see  ?  "But  I  say 
unto  you,  I  will  not  drink  henceforth  of  THIS 
fruit  of  the  vine,  until  that  day  when  I  drink 
it  new  with  you  in  my  Father's  kingdom." 

Is  it  possible,  that  if  our  Saviour  had 
made  the  contents  of  that  cup  his  very  blood, 
he  would  in  the  same  moment  have  called 
it  this  fruit  of  the  vine? 

The  first  time  that  I  attended  mass  af- 
ter these  meditations,  I  was  struck  by  ob- 
serving, that  after  the  conclusion  of  the  ser- 

*  John  vi.  57,  58.  t  Matt  xxvi.  26.  28. 


RECANTATION.  229 

vice  the  remnants  of  the  Consecrated  Ele- 
ments were  shut  up  in  a  cabinet  upon  the 
altar,  like  fruit  or  pastry,  secured  by  lock 
and  key  !  and  there  left  to  the  custody  of  a 
servile  sacristan,  who,  if  careless  or  wick- 
edly inclined,  could  leave  what  his  Church 
conceives  to  be  his  Redeemer's  "body,  soul, 
and  divinity,"  to  feed  rats  and  mice,  or  be- 
come the  prey  of  loathsome  maggots  !  If 
the  Lord  could  thus  be  degraded,  what  be- 
comes of  the  Psalmist's  prophetic  declara- 
tion, "  Thou  wilt  not  suffer  thy  Holy  One  to 
see  corruption"  Yet  the  possibility  of  the 
wafer's  becoming  corrupt  is  so  obvious, 
that  it  has  been  foreseen  by  the  Romish 
Church,  and  in  their  missal  especially  provi- 
ded for! 

I  had  hitherto  reflected  on  the  doctrine 
of  the  Eucharist,  when  considered  as  a 
Sacrament ;  it  remained  for  me  now  to  view 
it  as  a  sacrifice,  and  celebrated,  as  I  re- 
peated to  my  mother,  "  as  a  propitiatory 
service  for  the  living  and  the  dead,  while 

Christ  CONTINUES  ON  OUU    ALTAHS   TO  OFFKR 

TO  HIS  ETERNAL  FATHER,  ON  OUR  BEHALF, 


230  RECANTATION. 

the  sufferings  and  death  he  once  underwent 
upon  the  cross." 

This  doctrine  is  more  fully  explained  in 
the  Dottrina  Cristiana,  which  asserts  that  the 
sacrifice  of  the  Mass  differs  from  the  sacri- 
fice of  the  Cross  in  the  manner,  but  not  in 
the  substance,  as  on  the  cross  Christ  died  in 
reality,  but  in  the  mass  only  mystically,  for 
us. 

Question.  To  whom  is  this  sacrifice  of- 
fered up? 

Answer.  To  God  alone,  as  the  most  ac- 
ceptable victim  that  can  be  offered  to  Him. 

Question.  If,  then,  this  sacrifice  be  of- 
fered to  God  alone,  wherefore  are  so  many 
masses  celebrated  in  honor  of  the  Most 
Holy  Virgin  and  the  Saints  ? 

Answer.  To  show  our  thankfulness  to 
God  for  the  favors  which  He  has  granted 
unto  them,  and  to  obtain  BY  THEIR  INTER- 
CESSION those  graces  of  which  we  stand  in 
need. 

Question.  For  whom  is  this  sacrifice 
offered  up? 

Answer.    For  all  mankind,  and  especial- 


RECANTATION.  231 

ly  for  the  faithful  who  are  living ;  and  for 
the  departed  souls  who  are  in  purgatory,  as 
it  serves  to  sustain  them  in  their  sufferings,  and 
to  shorten  their  duration. 

Question.  Who  is  the  Chief  Priest  who 
offers  up  this  sacrifice  ? 

Answer.  The  first  and  principal  sacri- 
ficer  is  Jesus  Christ,  WHO  OFFERS  HIMSELF 
to  the  Eternal  Father. 

Such  are  the  tenets  of  the  Romish 
Church  upon  this  subject,  which  my  dear 
mother  had  feebly  attempted  to  oppose  by 
quoting  one  text  in  contradiction  to  my  ar- 
guments— "Christ  was  offered  once  to  bear 
the  sins  of  many." 

But  now  that  I  "daily  searched  the 
Scriptures  to  see  if  those  things  were  so," 
I  found  passages  so  completely  opposed  to 
this  doctrine,  as  to  prove  that  those  who 
still  maintained  it  were  laboring  under  a 
grievous  delusion,  "that  hearing  they  should 
hear  and  not  understand,  and  seeing  they 
should  see  and  not  perceive."  Far  from 
supporting  the  statement  that  "  Christ  con- 
tinues to  offer  himself  on  our  behalf,"  the 
Apostolic  writings  expressly  represent  our 


232  RECANTATION, 

Saviour's  offering  as  a  thing  past  and  fin- 
ished;  and  St.  Paul  particularly  says,  "He 
NEEDETH  NOT  DAILY,  as  those  high  priests, 
to  offer  up  sacrifice,  first  for  his  own  sins 
and  then  for  the  people's  ;  for  this  He  did 

ONCE,  WHEN  HE  OFFERED  UP  HlMSELF."* 

And  then,  again,  we  have  this  most  im- 
pressive declaration — uFor  Christ  is  not  en- 
tered into  the  holy  places  made  with  hands, 
which  are  the  figures  of  the  true  ;  but  into 
Heaven  itself,  now  to  appear  in  the  presence 
of  God  for  us  ;  NOR  YET  THAT  HE  SHOULD 
OFFER  HIMSELF  OFTEN,  as  the  high  priest 
entereth  into  the  holy  place  every  year  with 
blood  of  others  j  for  then  must  HE  OFTEN 
have  suffered  since  the  foundation  of  the 
world  :  but  now  ONCE  in  the  end  of  the 
world  hath  HE  appeared  to  put  away  sin  by 
the  sacrifice  of  Himself.  And  as  it  is  ap- 
pointed unto  men  once  to  die,  and  after  this 
the  judgment,  so  Christ  was  ONCE  OFFERED 
to  bear  the  sins  of  many ;  and  unto  them 
that  look  for  Him  shall  He  appear,  the  se- 
cond time  without  sin  unto  salvation."  f 

*  Heb.  vii.  27.  t  Heb.  ix.  24—28. 


RECANTATION.  233 

The  next  chapter  furnishes  a  statement 
if  possible  still  more  conclusive — "By  the 
which  will  we  are  sanctified  through  the  of- 
fering of  the  body  of  Jesus  Christ  ONCE  FOR 
ALL.  And  every  priest  standeth  daily  min- 
istering and  offering  oftentimes  the  same 
sacrifices,  which  can  never  take  away  sins  : 
but  this  man,  after  He  had  offered  ONE  SAC- 
RIFICE for  sins,  for  ever  sat  down  on  the 
right  hand  of  God ;  for  by  ONE  OFFERING 
He  hath  perfected  for  ever  them  that  are 
sanctified."* 

What  need  had  I  of  any  further  argu- 
ments ?  I  abruptly  closed  the  Sacred 
Volume,  and  wildly  tossing  my  arms  in  the 
air,  paced  the  room  in  agonized  communion 
with  myself. 

What  need  had  I  of  any  further  proof? 
The  Word  of  God  had  borne  its  testimony 
against  the  errors — the  superstitions — the 
innovations —  of  the  faith  which  I  had  call- 
ed upon  the  Almighty  to  attest,  that  I  be- 
lieved and  would  stedfastly  uphold  ! 

It  was  no  extenuation  of  my  guilt  to  urge 

*Heb.  x.  11,12— 14. 
11* 


234  RECANTATION. 

that  I  was  ignorant  of  the  tenets  to  which  I 
had  thus  solemnly  subscribed  ;  for  my  con- 
science recalled  how,  for  weeks  before,  my 
sweet  mother  had  wept  and  entreated  me  to 
reflect  and  pause  ere  it  was  too  late, — how 
I  had  neglected  to  ponder  arid  investigate 
"the  one  thing  needful ;"  while  I  bindly  ac- 
quiesced in  all  the  bishops's  reasonings, 
without  a  thought  or  concern  of  my  own 
upon  the  subject — and  yielding  to  the  in- 
fluence of  love  and  the  dictates  of  ambition, 
had  voluntarily  gone  up  to  the  altar  and 
apostatized  ! 

Oh,  it  was  a  grievious — fearful  wicked- 
ness !  Could  years  of  penitence  and  sorrow 
atone  for  it?  In  the  disappointed  affections 
— the  blighted  hopes  of  my  young  existence, 
I  seemed  to  view  the  justice  of  the  avenging 
God  ;  and  believing  myself  already  marked 
out  for  punishment,  I  forgot  to  recognise  in 
my  sorrows  the  chastening  of  a  merciful  as 
well  as  an  offended  Lord,  arid  recklessly 
abandoned  myself  to  the  conviction  that  I 
had  sinned  beyond  all  hope  or  likelihood  of 
forgiveness  ! 

After  the  first  impetuosity  of  this  despair 


RECANTATION.  235 

and  self-reproach  had  subsided,  I  fell  into  a 
state  of  deep  sadness  and  abstraction,  which 
my  family  at  first  attributed  to  indisposition; 
but  finding  all  their  efforts  to  arouse  me  un- 
availing, they  unanimously  accused  me  of 
caprice,  and  made  no  further  attempts  to 
dispel  my  melancholy.  The  only  meant 
that  could  have  restored  me  would  have 
been  a  return  of  Trionfi's  former  tenderness 
and  attention ;  but  although  kind — for  I 
could  never  tax  him  with  a  harsh  word  or 
expression — he  was  not  sympathising ;  be- 
sides which,  had  he  even  penetrated  the 
reason  of  my  altered  demeanor  and  languid 
spirits,  he  would  not  have  been  able  to  com- 
prehend the  bitterness  of  my  feelings,  being 
indifferent,  alas!  to  all  allusion  to,  or  thought 
upon,  religion. 

The  hopes  also  which  I  had  once  enter- 
tained of  working  upon  his  principles,  had 
now  completely  forsaken  me  ;  for  instead 
of  acquiring  greater  influence  over  him, — - 
the  hold  I  once  possessed  on  his  affections 
had  rapidly  declined,  although  I  could  not 
accuse  myself  of  one  instance  in  which  I 
had  failed  in  my  love  towards  him.  He, 


236  RECANTATION. 

perhaps,  may  have  complained  that  the 
bright  and  joyous  Mary  of  a  few  months 
previous,  had  drooped  like  a  flower  trans- 
planted to  a  foreign  soil ;  but  he  should 
also  have  remembered  that  his  hand  ought 
to  have  raised  its  languid  head,  and  trained 
it  tenderly  to  bear  a  different  clime  and 
atmosphere. 

One  of  the  few  sources  of  pleasure 
which  remained  to  me  was  receiving  letters 
from  my  mother  ;  for  then  I  used  to  remem- 
ber, that  so  long  as  I  was  blessed  with  her 
all-enduring  and  devoted  love,  I  was  not 
completely  desolate. 

And  she  wrote  so  sweetly  too, — -that 
dear,  dear  mother!  Such  fond  inquiries — 
such  kind  assurances — not  a  murmur — not 
a  complaint  at  her  privation  ;  "  she  knew 
that  I  was  happy."  Then  she  would  tax 
her  memory  to  relate  every  little  anecdote 
of  early  friends  or  playmates  that  could  in- 
terest rne,  and  bring  back  home  and  its  as- 
sociations more  vividly  than  ever  to  my 
mind ;  every  friend  was  mentioned,  even 
acquaintances  we  had  made  abroad  ;  all 
butowc,of  whom  I  was  most  desirous  to  hear. 


RECANTATION.  237 

and  yet  dared  not  trust  myself  to  inquire 
about.  This  was  Harcourt,  of  whom  I  had 
never  received  any  tidings  since  the  day 
when  we  parted  in  Florence.  Until  I  be- 
came unhappy  and  disappointed,  I  had 
scarcely  bestowed  a  thought  upon  him  ;  but 
now,  remorse  for  my  conduct,  and  the 
heartless  coquetry  with  which  I  had  re- 
quited his  attachment,  weighed  heavily  up- 
on my  conscience,  and  I  was  anxious  to 
ascertain  that  he  was  not  so  unhappy  as  he 
had  anticipated.  Some  involuntary  im- 
pulse, however,  always  restrained  me  when 
I  wished  to  write  concerning  him,  and  a 
faint  blush  would  always  rise  to  my  cheek, 
if  I  ever  attempted  to  trace  his  name  upon 
the  paper.  And  yet  I  could  divine  no 
cause  for  this  reluctance,  since  my  mother 
did  not  even  know  of  the  scene  which  had 
passed  between  us  on  the  morning  when 
he  left  Florence  ;  for  partly  from  shame 
and  sorrow  at  the  result  of  my  reckless 
vanity  and  love  of  admiration,  and  partly 
from  a  dread  of  her  disappointment  that  I 
had  not  given  him  a  favorable  hearing,  I 
was  silent  on  the  subject  of  his  proposal 


238  RECANTATION. 

and  gave  no  clue  as  to  the  motives  of  his 
abrupt  departure. 

At  length,  however,  a  letter  arrived,  in 
which  he  was  mentioned ;  and  with  an 
eagerness  and  anxiety  which  were  surpris- 
ing even  to  myself,  I  read  and  re-read  the 
few  lines  in  which  my  mother  alluded  to 
him. 

"You  will  be  grieved  to  hear,"  she  wrote, 
"  that  our  dear  young  friend,  Charles  Har- 
court,  is  very  much  altered  since  you  last 
saw  him.  He  has  been  ill  for  several 
months  at  H.  in  Germany,  and  in  fact,  at 
one  time  was  not  expected  to  recover ;  but, 
happily,  he  is  now  much  better,  and  has 
lately  returned  to  England. 

"  It  was  only  by  accident  that  we  dis- 
covered his  being  in  London ;  your  father  im- 
mediately went  to  him,  and  insisted  on  his 
promising  to  dine  with  us.  He  came  with 
evident  reluctance ;  but  although  I  had  in- 
tended to  tax  him  with  his  neglect,  I  felt 
too  sad,  on  witnessing  the  alteration  in  the 
friend  and  companion  of  so  many  happy 
hours  last  year,  to  express  any  thing  except- 
ing my  heartfelt  sympathy  and  regret. 


RECANTATION.  239 

Voice,  manner,  all  are  changed  :  he  is  but 
the  shadow  of  his  former  self.  Nothing 
appeared  to  interest  him,  until  he  fixed  his 
eyes  upon  your  portrait, — you  remember  it, 
clearest?  it  is  my  greatest  consolation  now  ! 
Well,  it  seemed  to  occupy  poor  Charles's 
attention,  and  brought  him  back  to  our 
Florence  days,  of  which  before  he  had  not 
cared  to  speak.  From  Florence  I  naturally 
was  led  on  to  talk  of  you  ;  and,  though  he 
said  but  little,  he  listened  with  interest  to 
all  I  told  him.  I  was  glad  to  have  found 
some  subject  to  arouse  him  from  his  listless 
melancholy,  and  showed  him  your  books 
and  your  drawings,  just  as  you  left  them 
when  we  quitted  home  ;  for  I  keep  them, 
love,  in  the  same  order  as  when  your  sweet 
hands  arranged  them  for  the  last  time.  But 
nothing  fixed  his  attention  so  much  as  the 
portrait.  I  caught  his  eyes  constantly  rivet- 
ed upon  it  wifh  a  sort  of  dreamy  abstracted 
look,  that  presented  a  painful  contrast  to  all 
the  energy  and  intellect  we  used  to  admire 
in  his  glance. 

"I  think,  on  the  whole,  his  visit  did  him 
good ;  and  I  am  grieved  that,  for  the  pre- 


240  RECANTATION. 

sent,  he  will  not  be  able  to  repeat  it,  as  he 
is  about  to  return  to  Oxford,  previous  to 
being  ordained.  His  calling  to  the  ministry 
seems  now  the  only  subject  upon  which  he 
retains  any  of  his  former  enthusiasm." 

Poor  Harcourt!  was  all  this  my  doing? 
and  I  covered  my  face  with  my  hands  and 
wept  bitterly ;  then,  once  more  taking  up 
the  letter,  I  read  it  again  and  again,  me- 
chanically repeating  my  mother's  words — 
"  the  shadow  of  his  former  self! — all  his 
enthusiasm  forsaken  him  ! — nothing  inter- 
ested him  except  my  portrait !  " — except  my 
portrait ! — Then  I  am  not  yet  forgotten  ! 

Strange  inconsistency  of  human  nature 
— those  words  appeared  to  haunt  me !  I 
used  to  think  of  them  by  day,  and  hear  them 
in  my  dreams  at  night.  There  was  a  sort 
of  wild  consolation  in  the  thought  that  he 
should  still  remember  me;. and  I  involun- 
tarily compared  Trionfi's  coldness  and  neg- 
lect of  the  original,  with  his  unsuccessful 
rival's  mournful  constancy  to  the  portrait ! 

In  the  wavering  and  distracted  state  of 
my  mind,  without  a  friend  in  whom  I  might 
confide,  but  compelled,  on  the  contrary,  to 


RECANTATION.  241 

stifle  the  sorrow  and  remorse,  which  preyed, 
like  a  smouldering  fire,  upon  all  the  life- 
springs  of  my  existence,  I  found  an  inex- 
pressible charm  in  solitude,  and  used  to 
delight  in  wandering  amidst  the  beautiful 
country  which  surrounds  N.  Even  this 
solace  would  have  been  denied  me  by  the 
jealous  vigilance  of  my  mother-in-law,  who 
pretended  to  suspect  some  sinister  motive 
in  a  custom  so  completely  at  variance  with 
the  habits  of  Italian  women,  had  not  Trionfi, 
when  appealed  to,  laughingly  yielded  his 
consent ;  it  was  one  of  the  peculiarities  of 
my  English  education,  he  said,  and  although 
he  did  not  share  my  taste,  he  saw  no  motive 
to  oppose  it.  Accordingly,  attended  by  a 
servant  who  was  directed  to  follow  me  at  a 
distance,  though  always  within  call  if  re- 
quired, I  used  to  ramble  far  into  the  coun- 
try, which  notwithstanding  its  deficiency  in 
trees,  is,  in  many  parts,  beautiful  even  to 
sublimity,  and  possesses  in  its  wild  majesty 
and  expanse  greater  attractions  than  the 
softest  landscape  of  a  more  pastoral  region. 
Whenever  we  went  to  Ancona,  one  of 
my  favorite  haunts  ere  long  became  a  place 


242  RECANTATION. 

unique  in  its  picturesque  and  melancholy 
seclusion;  the  Jews'  burying-ground,  which, 
though  but  a  few  minutes'  walk  from  that 
city,  is  as  tranquil  and  retired  as  if  many 
miles  distant  from  any  habitation.  A  narrow 
lane  suddenly  opens  upon  an  undulating 
plain,  the  verge  of  which  abruptly  termi- 
nates in  a  rugged  precipice,  towering  at  the 
height  of  nearly  three  hundred  feet  above 
the  level  of  the  sea. 

Far  as  the  eye  can  reach,  up  to  the  very 
brow  of  the  cliff,  appear  several  thousand 
columns  of  white  marble  inscribed  with  He- 
brew characters, — each  pillar  headed  with 
the  awful  Name  before  which  the  heathen 
conqueror  of  the  world  knelt  awe-struck  and 
adoring.  A  dismantled  fortress  on  the  ad- 
joining height  seems  to  frown  ominously  upon 
all  intruders.  On  the  opposite  side  rises  a 
steep  and  rugged  hill,  on  the  crest  of  which, 
within  the  walls  of  a  garden  belonging  to  a 
convent  of  Capuchins,  is  a  small  nook,  ap- 
propriated as  a  burial-place  of  those  few 
Protestants  who  have  died  in  this  remote 
corner  of  Italy, — and  who,  though  not  ad- 
mitted into  the  pale  of  the  Church,  sleep  on 
the  verge  of  consecrated  ground. 


RECANTATION.  243 

But  the  children  of  Israel  boast  of  no 
such  privilege ;  their  final  resting-place  is 
unmarked  by  any  boundar)r, — undefended 
by  any  barrier,  but  such  as  the  natural  wild- 
ness  of  the  spot,  and  superstitious  fear  have 
created,  to  ward  it  against  intruders.  Alone 
with  nature  and  with  God,  the  Hebrew 
sleeps  at  length  that  profound  and  peaceful 
slumber  which  the  summons  of  man  can 
never  more  disturb. 

Not  a  tree  lends  its  foliage  to  overshadow 
the  broad  expanse  ;  not  a  flower  blossoms 
amid  the  short  and  scanty  herbage  which 
carpets  the  funereal  plain ;  the  only  sounds 
that  break  the  perfect  stillness  of  the  scene 
are  the  murmurs  of  the  waves  as  they  beat 
on  the  rocks  beneath,  and  the  hoarse  scream- 
ing of  the  bleak  northern  winds,  which, 
sweeping  from  the  opposite  Dalmatian  coasts 
expend  their  fury  over  the  exposed  cliffs, 
and  sink  into  a  hollow  moan  as  they  eddy 
over  the  field  of  death,  like  a  vast  dirge  to 
the  spirits  of  the  thousands  who  moulder  in 
its  clay. 

Yes,  there  at  length  they  have  found  the 
rest  denied  to  them  while  living !  There 


244  RECANTATION. 

sleep  the  greedy  usurer,  the  calculating 
merchant; — the  Rabbi,  faithful  to  his  sa- 
cred trust ; — the  careful  matron,  and  the 
blooming  maid  ;  old  age  and  childhood,  de- 
crepitude and  vigor, — all  alike  are  there  ; — 
unsevered  in  death  as  in  life,  forming  anoth- 
er link  in  that  mysterious  chain  which  binds 
us  closer  to  prophecy  and  to  truth  !  Mys- 
terious and  inscrutable  fulfilment  of  Divine 
words, — a  people,  yet  not  a  nation — dwell- 
ers for  generation  after  generation  in  a  land 
which  they  dared  not  recognize  as  a  home, 
and  bound  by  no  link  of  kindred  or  affec- 
tion to  the  soil,  or  to  the  strangers  amongst 
wrhom  they  had  sojourned  ! 

Alone,  as  my  mother  had  foretold ; — 
alone,  without  that  love  to  which  I  once  had 
looked  to  compensate  rne  for  all  that  I  re- 
signed, I  used  to  wander  amongst  the  mon- 
umental pillars,  or  gaze  dreamily  upon  the 
broad  expanse  of  waters  which  lay  beneath 
me.  Sometimes  I  followed  the  course  of  a 
passing  ship,  and  watched  her  till  she 
seemed  but  a  speck  on  the  pale  blue  sea ; 
then  fancying  perhaps  that  she  was  bound 
for  the  shores  of  England,  I  would  weep 


RECANTATION.  245 

\ 

when  she  faded  in  the  horizon  at  the 
thoughts  of  my  native  land,  which  I  was 
never  more  destined  to  behold ! 

******* 

And  thus  many  months  rolled  on  ;— 
months  of  solitude,  and  disappointed  love, 
and  self-reproach,  which  formed  a  chain  of 
unutterable  misery  and  wretchedness 
around  me.  We  had  returned  to  Florence 
after  a  protracted  absence,  and  I  was  now 
in  possession  of  my  apartments  in  the 
Palazzo  Trionfi  ; — to  have  called  that  state- 
ly palace  mine,  or  given  it  the  endearing  ap- 
pellation of  home,  would  have  been  mere 
mockery ;  for  so  long  as  the  Marchesa 
Onoria  lived,  I  was  but  a  stranger — con- 
sidered almost  an  intruder — within  its 
walls ! 

To  an  untravelled  English  reader,  the 
petty  annoyances  and  contradictions  to 
which  I  was  constantly  exposed  would  ap- 
pear too  absurd  and  incredible  for  belief; 
but  a  dweller  in  Italy  can  bear  ample  testi- 
mony to  the  domestic  tyranny  which  moth- 
ers-in-law so  commonly  exercise.  It  is 
true  that  I  had  my  own  apartments,  a  car- 


246  RECANTATION. 

riage  and  servants  at  my  exclusive  dispo- 
sal ;  but  whenever  we  were  thrown  in  con- 
tact— from  the  formal  dinner  in  the  cold 
comfortless  sala,  which  even  in  the  depth 
of  winter  remained  without  a  carpet,  to  the 
evening  meeting  in  the  Opera-box,  of  which 
half  only,  as  stipulated  in  my  marrage  con- 
tract, was  reserved  to  me-^-all  was  a  con- 
tinuation of  thwartings,  lecturings,  and  re- 
proofs, aided  too  by  an  unrelenting  system 
of  espionage  from  the  priest,  which — 
crushed  and  broken-spirited  as  I  was — 
seemed  to  weigh  me  down  to  the  very  earth. 
I  was  unhappy — I  sought  no  longer  to  con- 
ceal it  from  myself;  and  yet  I  was  in  Flor- 
ence— bright,  joyous, fascinating  Florence — 
and  in  the  position  I  had  so  often  coveted ! 
Wherever  I  appeared,  still  flattered,  courted, 
and  admired — nay,  envied  perhaps  by 
many  a  young  heart;  and  yet,  often  on  re- 
turning from  some  brilliant/ete,  I  have  torn 
the  jewels  from  my  aching  brow,  and  wept 
at  the  hollowness  of  those  pleasures  which 
I  had  sacrificed  so  much  to  obtain  ! 

I    found    no    companionship,    or  even 
amusement,  in  the  society  amongst  which  I 


RECANTATION.  247 

was  thrown,  while  my  husband — oh  !  worst 
and  hardest  trial ! — had  grown  so  indiffer- 
ent, so  careless,  that  he  did  not  seem  to  no- 
tice my  unhappiness.  To  a  heart  consti- 
tuted like  mine,  there  was  something  more 
chilling  and  dispiriting  in  this  apathy  than 
the  harshest  treatment,  the  most  unfounded 
jealousy,  would  have  appeared.  I  could 
have  hoped  to  soothe  the  one,  to  dispel  the 
other ;  and  I  would  have  welcomed  either, 
as  a  proof  that  he  still  retained  such  an  in- 
terest in  me  as  sufficed  to  arouse  his  pas- 
sion, or  his  self-love  on  my  behalf.  But 
where  all  was  smooth,  and  calm,  and  un- 
concerned ;  where  an  utter  recklessness, 
either  as  to  my  happiness  or  honor,  was 
displayed ;  so  long  as  he  was  left  to  pur- 
sue his  own  amusements  undisturbed, — 
when  I  knew  that  having  ceased  to  please 
him,  he  cared  not  to  whom  or  how  I  might 
render  myself  agreeable  ; — O  heavens  ! 
when  I  felt  all  this,  the  injured  dignity,  the 
despised  affections  of  a  woman  seemed  to 
war  and  struggle  within  me,  and  clamor  for 
revenge !  Weak,  erring  creature  that  I 


248  RECANTATION. 

was,  it  was  perhaps  only  a  visionary,  hope- 
less passion,  cradled  in  solitude  and  re- 
morse, which  preserved  me  from  yielding 
to  the  example  of  those  around  me,  and 
seeking  in  unhallowed  ties  to  forget  the  de- 
secrated hearth  and  broken  vow.  The  love 
thus  mused  and  thought  upon,  until  it 
seemed  a  part  of  my  very  existence,  and 
sinful  as  I  knew  it  to  be,  though  I  had  not 
courage  to  banish  it  at  once  from  my  mind, 
now  saved  me  in  all  probability  from  rush- 
ing into  deeper  crime,  and  sinking  lower 
than  I  had  yet  fallen.  And  thus  it  proved 
that  Harcourt — the  friend  of  my  early 
youth — the  neglected  and  despised — had 
unconsciously  become  my  shield  and  safe- 
guard from  the  temptations  which  beset  me, 
and  the  idol  of  my  heart's  inmost  shrine  ! 
******* 

Towards  the  close  of  the  second  year 
of  my  wedded  life,  my  spirits  revived  at 
the  prospect  of  a  meeting  with  my  parents. 
My  mother's  letters  had  for  a  long  time 
vaguely  hinted  at  the  probability  of  their 
re- visiting  Italy,  but  now  she  dwelt  more 


RECANTATION.  249 

definitively  upon  it,  and  wrote  with  pas- 
sionate fondness  of  the  delight  that  was  in 
store  for  her. 

"  Ere  April  is  expired  we  shall  be  with 
you,  and  then  we  will  celebrate  together 
the  anniversary  of  our  Mary's  bridal-day, 
and  all  will  be  joy  and  peace  in  this  blessed 
re-union ;  and  then  I  will  crave  your  par- 
don, dearest,  for  my  selfish  grief  on  that 
occasion,  if  it  has  ever  clouded  your  happi- 
ness, to  recall  it.  And  though  I  own,  my 
loved  one — I  may  own  it  now,  since  we  are 
so  soon  to  meet — that  it  has  been  a  bitter 
and  almost  unavailing  struggle  to  reconcile 
myself  to  your  loss  ;  yet  when  I  shall  gaze 
upon  your  bright  and  glorious  face  once 
more,  and  hear  your  sweet  lips  confirm  the 
assurance  of  your  happiness,  all  my  past 
sorrows  will  be  forgotten  !" 

Mother,  mother !  I  murmured,  almost 
convulsively,  shall  I  be  able  to  meet  your  eye, 
and  continue  to  dissemble  ? — and  I  sank 
upon  my  knees,  arid  wept  bitterly.  O 
heaven!  was  it  ever  again  to  be  my  blessed 
privilege  to  be  clasped  to  a  mother's  heart—, 
to  weep  upon  her  bosom  ? 
12 


250  RECANTATION. 

Was  I —  the  perjured,  the  disappointed, 
the  forsaken — once  more  to  feel  a  mother's 
kiss  upon  my  cheek ;  and  again  to  listen  to 
that  silvery  voice  which,  denied  to  me  in 
my  waking  hours,  had  often  spoken  in  my 
dreams,  and  brought  back  such  vivid  me- 
mories of  days  of  innocence  and  bliss — of 
childhood's  fairy  existence,  and  girlhood's 
brighter  hopes — that  the  dreary  reality 
seemed  yet  more  difficult  to  bear  ?  Oh 
yes,  I  was  again  to  see  her  ! — I  was  not  alone 
then  in  the  world.  Mother  !  mother  !  mo- 
ther !  and  in  my  ecstasy  I  wildly  repeated 
the  loved  name  in  my  native  tongue, — now 
so  rarely  spoken, — and  thought  it  had  nev- 
er sounded  so  sweet  before  ! 

She  should  know  all;  there  would  hence- 
forth be  no  secrets  between  us ; — grief, 
soothed  by  a  mother's  tenderness,  loses  half 
its  anguish  ;  and  I  should  be  strengthened 
by  her  counsels,  and  comforted  by  her 
love  !  Yes,  she  should  know  all,  and  read 
my  heart's  inmost  depths,  except — except 
....  Ah,  no  !  she  was  too  pure  for  that — 
we  would  not  speak  of  him  ....  and  my 
cheek  crimsoned  as  I  shrank  from  further 
communion  with  myself. 


RECANTATION.  251 

With  restless  activity  I  now  occupied 
the  interval  that  must  elapse  before  my 
parent's  arrival,  in  superintending  every  ar- 
rangement which  might  tend  to  their  plea- 
sure or  accommodation.  At  their  own  re- 
quest, I  had  engaged  for  them  the  house  we 
occupied  during  our  first  winter  in  Florence ; 
I  would  willingly  have  avoided  returning 
to  a  scene  that  recalled  so  much  of  my 
eventful  history,  but  their  wishes  on  the 
subject  precluded  any  evasion. 

On  first  entering  the  room,  which  in  the 
space  of  one  short  hour  had  witnessed  my 
rejection  of  Harcourt  and  acceptance  of 
Trionfi,  I  started,  as  a  tide  of  overwhelm- 
ing recollections  crowded  upon  me,  and 
clear,  distinct,  as  if  all  had  taken  place  but 
yesterday — not  the  plighted  troth  to  my 
favored  suitor,  but  that  final  interview 
with  Charles  rose  to  my  mind  ;  the  very 
words  in  which  he  spoke  seemed  impress- 
ed in  characters  of  fire  upon  my  brain  ;  his 
low,  thrilling  tone,  when,  venturing  for  the 
first  time  to  address  me  by  my  name,  he 
called  me  "Mary,  dear  Mary  ;" — his  look 
of  anguish  in  bidding  me  farewell — all,  and 


252  RECANTATION. 

much  more  besides,  were  involuntarily  re- 
called, as  the  agonizing  consciousness  of 
happiness  then  placed  within  my  grasp, 
and  slightingly  rejected,  almost  overpower- 
ed me. 

I  rushed  wildly  from  the  room,  and 
found  myself  in  the  apartment  I  used  to 
occupy,  and  threw  myself  beside  the  bed 
near  which  my  mother  knelt  the  last  time 
she  watched  my  slumbers.  Noblest  and 
best  of  the  Creator's  works  ! — even  in  that 
chaos  of  conflicting  passions,  the  remem- 
brance of  thee — thy  holy  and  tender  love—- 
the influence  of  thy  prayers,  soothed  the 
fierce  turmoil  that  raged  within  me,  and  I 
rose  from  my  knees  more  calm  and  resign- 
ed than  I  had  felt  for  months. 

The  day  of  my  parents  quitting  London 
was  now  fixed,  and  I  planned  to  go  and 
meet  them  at  Leghorn,  where  they  were  to 
disembark  from  Marseilles.  So  great  had 
become  my  excitement,  that  I  was  frequent- 
ly on  the  point  of  setting  off,  fancying  that 
with  fond  deception  they  might  have  started 
earlier  than  they  told  me,  in  order  to  sur- 
prise me  by  their  unexpected  arrival. 


RECANTATION.  253 

On  the  very  day  that  I  looked  for  the 
announcement  of  their  departure,  a  letter 
arrived  from  my  father. — Have  patience ! 
they  must  delay  for  a  few  days  ;  my  mo- 
ther was  not  well, — the  excitement  of  pre- 
paration had  been  too  much  for  her  weak 
frame, — (weak  ! — they  had  never  told  me 
she  was  weak!)  and  she  was  confined  to 
her  bed  with  fever.  But  she  was  already 
better,  decidedly  better — Oh,  yes  !  she  was 
much  better  !  She  even  added  a  few  lines 
herself,  but  they  were  written  in  a  tremb- 
ling hand,  and  hastily  broken  off,  as  if  she 
were  incapable  even  of  the  exertion  of  hold- 
ing a  pen  !  I  was  stunned  and  overwhelm- 
ed by  this  intelligence  ;  all  spirit,  all  energy, 
seemed  lost — all  power  of  thought  to  have 
forsaken  me,  save  that  of  restlessly  count- 
ing the  hours  until  the  next  post  should  ar- 
rive. It  brought  no  letters  !  I  was  frantic 
with  despair.  Another  and  another  day 
must  intervene  before  intelligence  from 
England  could  be  received, — how  I  passed 
the  interval  I  scarcely  know.  My  husband 
did  not  sympathise  with  my  fears ;  he  said 
all  would  be  well, — that  I  was  foolish  to 


254  RECANTATION. 

be  alarmed — but  my  prophetic  soul  told 
me  otherwise.  On  the  morning  that  the 
English  courier  was  expected,  I  determined 
to  go  myself  to  the  post-office,  in  order  to 
ascertain  sooner  if  there  were  any  letters-; 
I  asked  Trionfi  to  accompany  me — for  I 
needed  some  support — but  he  muttered  an 
excuse  about  important  business  to  be  trans- 
acted at  an  early  hour,  which  required  his 
immediate  attention,  and  left  the  house  even 
before  I  started. 

We  lived  at  some  distance  from  the 
post-office,  and  our  way  led  through  many 
narrow  but  crowded  streets,  and  in  one  of 
these  the  progress  of  the  carrage  was  sud- 
denly stopped,  and  the  coachman  compelled 
to  draw  up  on  one  side.  In  my  over- 
wrought and  irritated  frame  of  mind,  I 
could  brook  of  no  delay,  and  hastily  looked 
out  of  the  window  to  discover  its  cause  ; 
some  carrages  were  turning  out  of  the  court- 
yard of  a  large  palace,  and  the  straitened 
limits  of  the  street  compelled  us  to  make 
way  for  them  as  they  passed.  I  easily  con- 
jectured that  their  occupants  were  about 
setting  out  to  the  country,  on  one  of  those 


RECANTATION.  255 

parties  of  pleasure  which  the  Italians  are 
so  fond  of  in  the  spring ;  the  faces  of  most 
were  well  known  to  me,  but  I  shrank  back 
and  screened  myself  from  their  observation. 
As  the  last  carriage  however  emerged  from 
the  ancient  gateway,  I  could  not  resist  an 
involuntary  impulse  again  to  stoop  forward, 
and  in  so  doing  I  caught  the  glance  of  a 
gentleman  seated  in  it  beside  a  lady,  beau- 
tiful and  young — but  notorious  even  in  the 
dissolute  society  of  Florence.  I  did  not 
gaze  on  her,  however,  for  my  eyes  riveted 
themselves  upon  her  companion,  who,  to- 
tally unconcerned,  bowed  with  perfect 
grace  and  self-possession,  and  then  kissed 
his  hand  gaily  to  me  as  he  drove  out  of 
sight.  It  was  Trionfi !  This,  then,  was 
the  all-important  business  which  sent  me 
solitary  and  unprotected  to  learn  the  worst 
my  fancy  had  conjured  up  !  I  clenched 
my  hands  convulsively,  and  then  pressed 
them  tightly  upon  my  heart,  while  my  lips 
quivered  with  rage  and  mortification.  O 
Life  !  in  thy  cup  of  sorrows,  what  hast  thou 
more  bitter  than  the  workings  of  jealousy 
in  an  injured  woman's  breast  ?  I  shrouded 


256  RECANTATION. 

my  face  in  my  veil,  and  drew  up  the  blinds 
of  the  carriage  to  shut  out  from  my  view 
the  world  which  now  seemed  doubly  hate- 
ful !  I  was  scarcely  conscious  where  I  was 
until  we  stopped  at  the  post-office,  when  I 
hastily  sprung  out  and  flew  to  the  grating — 
a  letter  was  placed  in  my  hand,  but  ad- 
dressed to  my  husband.  Oh,  where  was 
he  who  ought  to  have  been  at  that  trying 
moment  by  my  side?  I  tore  it  open — I 
could  not  breathe,  my  sight  was  failing  me, 
yet  I  retained  sufficient  sense  to  compre- 
hend its  fatal  purport.  Oh,  God  of  Mer- 
cies !  She  was  DEAD  !  and  the  last  sound 
that  reached  my  ears  was  my  own  wild, 
prolonged,  and  harrowing  shriek  ere  I 
sank  back  senseless  on  the  pavement. 


Where  did  I  leave  off?  ...  It  is  a  weary 
task  this  self-imposed  record  of  error  and 
despair — more  weary  still  now  that  the 
feeble  hand  is  added  to  the  aching  heart, 
for  the  youth  and  vigor  which  withstood  so 
much  have  at  length  given  away,  and  the 


RECANTATION.  257 

shadows  of  the  tomb  are  darkening  around 


me 


Since  the  time  when  I  arose  a  living 
spectre  from  the  bed  of  fever  and  delirium 
to  which  the  intensity  of  my  anguish  had 
reduced  me,  every  hope  or  soothing  thought 
seemed  buried  in  her  grave !  Even  the 
fond  affection  still  retained  for  me  by  my 
surviving  parent  appeared  only  destined  to 
produce  fresh  cause  for  grief,  as  it  was  not 
in  my  power  to  give  him  one  proof  of  my 
filial  love,  or  contribute  to  the  solace  of  his 
declining  years  !  After  some  months  had 
passed,  my  dear  father  wrote  to  say,  that 
broken-spirited  as  he  felt  in  his  bereavement, 
his  only  prospect  of  consolation  lay  in  the 
idea  of  coming  to  live  in  Italy,  and  near  me. 
He  had  therefore  decided  on  resigning  all 
his  affairs  into  the  hands  of  his  youngest 
son,  (Henry,  the  eldest,  Harcourt's  early 
friend,  had  entered  the  Church,  and  was 
full  of  energy  in  his  sacred  calling,)  and 
taking  up  his  future  residence  in  Florence. 
He  thus  would  be  able  to  devote  himself 
entirely  to  me,  to  see  me  every  day,  almost 
as  constantly  as  if  he  were  living  under  my 
12* 


258  RECANTATION. 

roof,  and  then — he  thought  he  might  once 
more  be  happy ! 

I  easily  perceived  his  wish  when  he 
penned  this  letter — to  be  invited  to  take  up 
his  residence  with  me ;  and  what  more 
natural  for  a  widowed  father  to  desire,  or 
for  his  only  daughter  to  have  granted  ?  But 
I  dared  not  even  hint  such  a  proposal  to  my 
mother-in-law,  who  would  instantly  have 
condemned  it  as  unheard-of  and  prepos- 
terous ;  and  my  own  position  was  so  de- 
graded and  insignificant,  that  it  was  useless 
to  attempt  any  resistance  to  her  imperious 
commands.  I  had  never  experienced  the 
humiliating  dependence  to  which  I  was  re- 
duced so  keenly  as  at  that  moment,  and  in 
the  fall  bitterness  of  these  feelings  I  sat 
down  and  wrote  to  my  father.  I  poured 
out  the  whole  anguish  of  my  soul  into  that 
letter ;  I  told  him  that  I  was  miserable,  ir- 
remediably and  hopelessly  miserable — that 
if  he  truly  loved  me  he  would  not  add  to 
my  desperation  by  coming  to  witness  the 
extent  of  my  unhappiness  and  woe — that 
every  instant  of  my  life  was  an  expiation 
for  the  recklessness  and  folly  which  had 


RECANTATION.  259 

hurried  me  on  to  my  own  destruction — and 
to  forget  me  if  he  could,  for  I  was  no  longer 
the  Mary  of  his  pride  and  affection,  but  a 
poor  broken-hearted  wretch,  who  had  nought 
to  live  for  in  this  world,  and  yet  shrank  in 
terror  from  the  next ! 

My  poor  father  never  replied  to  this 
frantic  avowal;  what  could  he  say?  what 
consolation  offer  to  grief  which  knew  not 
consolation's  name  ?  After  a  long  interval, 
however,  I  heard  from  my  brother  Henry 
that  he  had  entirely  changed  his  plans,  had 
abandoned  his  idea  of  going  abroad,  and 
was  about  to  settle  near  his  living  in  Devon- 
shire ;  a  postscript  was  added  in  my  fath- 
er's hand-writing  expressive  of  his  unaltered 
love  and  solicitude  towards  myself,  and  of 
the  pleasure  which  I  should  derive  in  hear- 
ing that  his  old  age  would  be  passed  in  the 
vicinity  of  so  devout  and  exemplary  a  son 
as  Henry  had  proved  himself.  No  other 
allusion,  however  obscure,  was  made  to  the 
subject  of  my  letter,  excepting  an  indirect 
intimation  that  its  contents  would  never  be 
divulged. 

And  thus  ended  all  his  fond  dreams  of 


260  RECANTATION. 

pride  and  exultation  in  his  admired  and 
beautiful  child  !  What  bitter  tears  he  must 
Imve  shed  in  secret  over  the  downfall  of  all 
his  hopes — the  fatal  result  of  ill-directed 
ambition  !  what  struggles  must  he  have  en- 
dured ere  his  soaring  and  restless  spirit 
could  resign  itself  to  the  monotonous  obscur- 
ity of  a  country  parsonage !  But  I  was 
thankful  for  this  change,  and  thankful,  too, 
that  it  would  be  my  brother's  privilege  to 
lead  his  parent  to  calmer  and  holier  subjects 
than  those  wordly  interests  and  pursuits  to 
which  he  had  hitherto  been  devoted.  None 
could  be  better  qualified  for  this  task  than 
Henry,  who  possessed  energy  and  devotion 
beyond  his  years  ;  and  though  at  one  time 
I  accused  him  of  harshness  and  intolerance 
when  he  expressed  bis  deep  resentment  at 
the  renunciation  of  my  faith,  I  now  looked 
up  to  him  with  admiration  and  respect — 
and  counted  it  as  an  additional  drop  in  my 
cup  of  bitterness,  that  by  my  voluntary 
apostasy  I  had  for  ever  lost  the  esteem  of 
so  excellent  a  brother  ! 

And  thus  time  wore  on  ; — it  is  only  in 
novels  that  heroines  sink  beneath  the  first 


RECANTATION.  261 

influence  of  grief  and  despair ;  the  heart 
does  break  at  last,  but  by  slow,  very  slow 
degrees,  and  life  still  retains  its  hold  long 
after  hope,  and  peace,  and  every  accom- 
paniment of  youth  and  happiness,  have  for 
ever  disappeared  ! 

I  had  entirely  renounced  society  since 
my  mother's  death,  and  though  nearly  twice 
twelve  months  had  passed  since  my  terrible 
bereavement,  I  had  never  deviated  from  the 
strict  seclusion  to  which  I  then  devoted  my- 
self. I  had  imperceptibly  become  weak, 
and  so  fatigued  by  any  exertion,  that  the 
greatest  effort  of  which  I  was  capable  was 
to  take  occasional  drives  in  the  beautiful 
country  which  surrounds  Florence  on  every 
side.  I  went  generally  alone,  unless  I  took 
my  faithful  Annina  with  me,  for  Trionfi  had 
always  his  own  pursuits  and  engagements, 
and  now  that  I  lived  so  retired  we  met  even 
more  seldom  than  before.  Sometimes  whole 
days  would  pass  without  my  seeing  him, 
even  for  a  moment ;  with  my  mother-in-law 
I  had  almost  as  little  intercourse,  for  now 
that  my  failing  strength  pleaded  my  excuse 
for  absenting  myself  from  her  board,  I  was 


262  RECANTATION. 

permitted  to  enjoy  the  privacy  of  my  apart- 
ments undisturbed  by  her  presence ;  ex- 
cepting by  a  casual  visit  of  inquiry  after 
my  health,  and  a  whispered  consultation 
with  the  family  physician,  whom  she  always 
brought  with  her  on  such  occasions. 

The  priest,  too,  had  latterly  been  sum- 
moned on  business  of  importance  back  to 
Romagna,  and  I  felt  inexpressibly  relieved 
by  his  absence,  for  I  had  found  him  so  re- 
lentless in  his  bigotry  and  so  suspicious  of 
my  principles,  that  it  had  been  an  unceasing 
effort  to  conceal  my  abhorrence  of  his  tenets, 
and  disaffection  from  his  Church.  In  the 
enfeebled  state  of  mind  and  body  to  which 
I  was  now  reduced,  I  no  longer  felt  equal 
to  carry  on  this  system  of  dissimulation,  yet 
I  trembled  at  the  results  to  which  the  dis- 
covery of  my  real  sentiments  would  lead  ; — 
so  weak,  so  unfriended,  so  alone,  I  naturally 
had  no  courage  to  face  a  disclosure  from 
which  I  shrank  while  still  in  the  enjoyment 
of  health  and  intellectual  vigor.  It  was 
therefore  with  deep  gratitude  that  I  witness- 
ed the  departure  of  Padre  Placido,  and  saw 
that  the  family  were  not  disposed  to  inter- 


RECANTATION.  263 

fere  with  the  only  recreation  I  could  enjoy,  or 
forbid  me  from  driving  into  the  country,  in  the 
tranquillity  and  retirement  of  which  I  found 
the  greatest  charm  of  my  fading  existence. 
One  day  in  passing  through  the  Porta 

R the  carriage  was  obliged  to  stop,  as 

its  progress  was  impeded  by  a  number  of 
carts  which  were  undergoing  some  investi- 
gation at  the  gates,  and  my  attention  was 
drawn  to  a  party  on  foot  who  appeared 
just  on  their  return  from  a  ramble  in  the 
country,  and  were  detained  by  the  same 
circumstances  as  myself.  The  face  of  one 
of  the  group,  a  lady,  immediately  riveted 
my  gaze  from  its  rare  and  exceeding  loveli- 
ness. She  was  very  young,  apparently 
scarcely  more  than  nineteen,  although  from 
the  attitude  of  confiding  fondness  with 
which  she  leant  upon  the  arm  of  a  gentle- 
man, whose  face  was  averted  from  me, — 
and  the  pretty  impatience  she  testified  once 
more  to  attract  his  attention,  I  immediately 
conjectured  her  to  be  already  married,  and 
that  the  stranger  was  her  husband./  The 
wild  spring  flowers  she  held  in  her  hand 
were  not  more  fresh  or  blooming  in  their  ao- 


264  RECANTATION. 

pearance  than  herself;  the  violet  did  not 
equal  the  deep  blue  of  her  large  soft  eyes, 
shaded  by  long  dark  lashes,  which  when  she 
looked  down  cast  a  shade  upon  her  delicate 
cheek,  where  an  exquisite  roseate  tinge 
came  blushing,  as  it  were,  through  the  trans- 
parent fairness  of  her  skin.  Every  feature 
was  in  unison,  faultless  alike  in  contour  and 
expression ;  but  perhaps  the  most  beautiful  of 
all  was  her  broad,  statue-like  brow,  on 
which  truth,  innocence,  and  purity  seemed 
impressed  by  nature's  hand. 

I  gazed  on  her  with  an  intenseness  which 
she  at  length  seemed  to  notice,  though  ap- 
parently as  modest  in  her  demeanor  and 
unconscious  of  admiration,  as  her  loveliness 
was  remarkable.  She  looked  down  for  a 
moment  in  some  embarrassment,  and  then 
drew  her  arm  closer  through  that  of  her 
companion,  as  if  to  remind  him  of  her  pre- 
sence, and  urge  him  to  proceed.  He  stop- 
ped short  in  the  conversation  in  which  he 
was  engaged,  and  turned  to  acknowledge 
this  mute  appeal  with  a  proud  and  admiring 
smile  ;  and  at  that  moment — in  the  noble 
form,  the  intellectual  countenance — I  recog- 


RECANTATION.  265 

nized  Charles  Harcourt  ?  Changed,  indeed, 
since  I  last  had  seen  him — changed,  but 
still  the  same  !  Past  suffering  and  sorrow 
had  plainly  left  their  traces  there,  but  they 
appeared  to  have  given  him  greater  dignity 
of  expression  than  before.  Like  the  sapling 
which  rocked  by  the  wind  is  prevented  from 
too  hasty  a  growth,  and  compelled  to  take 
deeper  root ;  so  he,  tossed  by  the  storms 
and  disappointments  of  his  youth,  now 
seemed  in  riper  manhood,  to  have  acquired 
a  more  commanding  deportment,  and  great- 
er stability  of  character.  It  was  Harcourt  ? 
I  knew  him  instantaneously,  but  he  no 
longer  remembered  me  ; — he  looked  up  for 
a  second,  but  I  saw  no  recognition  in  his 
glance, — and  I  never  felt  till  then  how  fear- 
fully I  must  be  altered  !  I  could  not  speak 
or  move,  and  it  was  only  by  a  violent  effort 
that  I  prevented  myself  from  fainting, — 
when  suddenly  the  horses  became  restive, 
and  backed  against  the  wall  near  which  the 
party  were  stationed.  The  wheels  almost 
brushed  against  the  lovely  stranger,  and  a 
cry  of  terror  broke  from  my  lips  in  appre- 
hension of  her  danger.  The  attention  of  the 


266  RECANTATION. 

whole  group  was  again  attracted  to  me  ; 
and  as  soon  as  tranquility  was  restored, 
both  she  and  her  companion  advanced  to 
thank  me  for  this  sympathy.  The  agitation 
of  the  moment  had  brought  back  a  faint 
color  to  my  cheek  and  a  sparkle  to  my  lan- 
guid eye  ;  and  this  time  he  gazed  in  aston- 
ishment as  the  light  of  recognition  dawned 
upon  him.  I  saw  that  he  still  remembered 
me — I  saw  wonder,  pity,  and  surprise,  all 
blended  together  in  that  stedfast  look,  but 
no  resentment ; — his  name  sprang  from  my 
lips, — I  held  out  my  wasted  hand,  and  once 
more  felt  it  clasped  in  that  of  Harcourt ! 

Oh,  moment  of  wild  and  conflicting 
sensations  !  The  dreams  and  thoughts  of 
bygone  years  so  unexpectedly  fulfilled ! 
Harcourt's  voice  once  more  sounding  in  my 
ears — once  more  beholding  him,  more  no- 
ble even  than  my  fancy  had  pourtrayed ; 
but  not  alone  !  He  hastily  turned  towards 
the  lovely  being  at  his  side,  and  saying 
"Mary,  my  love,  this  is  the  Miss  Howard 
of  whom  you  have  so  often  heard  me 
speak" — presented  her  to  me  as  his  wife  ! 
A  flush  which  passed  over  her  brow,  and 


RECANTATION.  267 

a  timid  glance  of  surprise  directed  towards 
her  husband,  at  once  told  me  she  knew  all, 
and  that  the  secrets  of  his  early  love  and 
disappointment  had  been  confided  to  her 
by  him. 

There  was  no  reserve  between  them 
then  !  He  had  found  another  and  a  better 
Mary  to  replace  the  one  who  had  so  wan- 
tonly trifled  with  his  happiness. — Mary! 
how  strange  that  should  be  her  name  !  and 
on  her  the  love,  the  care,  the  tenderness, 
which  he  once  offered  me,  were,  doubt- 
lessly, now  bestowed The  ship- 
wreck then  had  not  been  total — he  again 

was  happy he  only  pitied  and  felt 

for  me  as  angels  look  down  on  erring  mor- 
tals ....  and  ought  I  not  to  rejoice  at 
this  ?  Oh,  yes,  and  I  did  rejoice  !  though 
sinful  Nature  claimed  her  tribute  first ;  and 
a  flood  of  bitter  tears,  the  first  I  had  shed 
for  many  a  weary  day,  flowed  from  my 
eyes  when  I  regained  the  solitude  of  my 
chamber,  and  thought  over  all  the. occur- 
rences of  the  morning.  But  I  prayed  to 
be  forgiven  ;  and  asked  for  strength  to  over- 
come every  lingering  vestige  of  a  feeling 


268  RECANTATION. 

which  I  had  thought  buried — with  all  other 
earthly  ties  and  recollections — in  my  loved 
mother's  grave ;  and  from  that  day,  the 
Harcourts  and  I  were  friends. 

They  soon  discovered  that  the  only  con- 
solation my  dreary  life  possessed  was  in 
their  society  ;  and  they  protracted  their  stay 
in  Florence  from  a  few  days,  as  at  first  in- 
tended, to  weeks  that  lengthened  into 
months,  when  they  saw  the  anguish  which 
every  mention  of  their  departure  awakened 
in  me.  Meanwhile  they  watched  my  fail- 
ing health  with  the  deepest  solicitude,  and 
all  that  friendship  or  sympathy  could  offer 
to  solace  my  loneliness  and  desertion,  was 
exerted  in  my  behalf;  both  seemed  as  uni- 
ted in  their  pity  and  benevolence  towards 
me,  as  in  every  other  sentiment  or  action 
of  their  lives.  It  was  with  a  sort  of  mourn- 
ful pleasure,  that  I  witnessed  in  them  the 
fulfilment  of  that  perfect  love  and  union 
which  is  the  sweetest  attribute  of  wedded 
life  ;  the  young  wife  looked  up  to  her  hus- 
band with  fond  pride  and  deference,  as  if 
exulting  to  be  permitted  to  share  his  con- 
fidence and  enter  into  his  thoughts  ;  and  he 


RECANTATION.  269 

viewed  in  this  confiding  and  gentle  creature, 
the  best  and  dearest  helpmate  that  ever 
was  vouchsafed  to  man  ! 

They  had  been  married  about  two  years, 
and  were  come  abroad  for  a  short  interval 
of  relaxation  to  Harcourt's  health,  which 
had  become  impaired  from  the  assiduous 
discharge  of  his  pastoral  duties ;  but  their 
absence  could  not  be  prolonged  much  far- 
ther, and  they  both  looked  forward  with  joy 
to  returning  to  their  country  home,  and  the 
simple  pursuits  and  enjoyments  which  it 
afforded  them.  They  were  blessed,  too, 
with  a  lovely  babe— an  infant  that  looked: 
as  if  a  seraph  had  smiled  upon  him  in  his 
cradle,  and  left  its  divine  love  and  beauty 
reflected  in  his  face  :  and  when  I  gazed  on 
that  sweet  child,  I  doubly  felt  the  bitter 
chastisement  of  Heaven — under  which  I 
had  so  often  sorrowed— that  denied  to  me 
the  happiness  and  privilege  of  being  a 
mother.  Had  our  union  been  blessed  with 
children,  Trionfi  might  never  have  become 
so  indifferent  and  neglectful,  for  we  should 
have  been  bound  by  a  stronger  link,  and 
possessed  an  object  on  which  equally  to 


270  RECANTATION. 

centre  our  interest  and  affection  :  I  should 
also  have  been  treated  less  unkindly  by  my 
suocera,  who,  disappointed  in  her  hopes  of 
a  succession  to  her  family  honors,  scarce 
affected  to  conceal  her  mortification  :  and 
I  myself  should  no  longer  have  felt  alone  in 
the  world — I  should  have  had  some  one  to 
live  for,  some  one  to  love  !  But  Providence 
had  willed  it  otherwise, — I  was  childless  ! 
I  had  never  known  the  exquisite  happiness 
of  feeling  my  infant'sy?rs£  and  thrilling  kiss 
upon  my  lips — I  had  never  seen  an  infant 
smile  at  my  approach,  and  hold  out  its  little 
arms,  and  strive  to  call  me  mother  !  I  had 
struggled  to  submit  in  meekness  to  this  dis- 
pensation, but  the  sight  of  that  lovely  babe 
often  awoke  the  bitterest  anguish,  and  made 
me  more  than  ever  sensible  of  my  loneli- 
ness and  privation. 

The  Harcourts  perceived  this  emotion, 
and  probably  suspecting  its  cause,  tried  to 
divert  my  attention  from  their  child,  by 
proposing  excursions  to  different  places 
of  interest  in  the  environs.  We  often  went 
accordingly,  but  whenever  we  passed  any 
places  which  I  had  visited  in  the  first  au- 


RECANTATION.  271 

tumn  of  our  sojourn  in  Florence,  the  depres- 
sion of  my  spirits  always  redoubled. 
Harcourt  seemed  to  notice  this  also,  and 
endeavored  to  select  places  less  vividly 
associated  in  my  recollection.  Once,  how- 
ever, his  wife  expressed  a  wish  to  visit 
Bello  Sguardo,  and  I  so  earnestly  seconded 
her  request,  that  he,  though  unwilling  at 
first,  now  granted  his  consent,  and  the  car- 
riage was  turned  in  that  direction.  It  was 
a  beautiful  day  in  early  spring,  and  the 
genial  warmth  appeared  to  revive  my  de- 
clining strength,  as  supported  by  his  pro- 
tecting arm,  and  encouraged  by  his  sympa- 
thizing voice,  I  slowly  ascended  the  stairs 
which  led  up  to  the  terrace,  which  com- 
mands such  a  widely  extended  prospect. 
Mary  Harcourt  was  enraptured,  and  even  I, 
wasted  and  enfeebled  as  I  was,  felt  a  tem- 
porary return  of  spirits  and  animation  as  I 
contemplated  that  glorious  scene. 
.  At  this  moment  another  party  of  English 
appeared  upon  the  platform ;  one  of  their 
number,  a  beautiful  girl,  flew  about  in  ec- 
stasy, while  her  golden  ringlets  sparkled  in 
the  sun-beams,  and  she  exclaimed,  "  Oh, 


272  RECANTATION. 

papa,  papa!  what  a  heavenly  day,  and 
what  a  heavenly  country !  How  I  wish  I 
could  live  here  all  my  life!  " 

Like  a  lightning  stroke  the  memory  of 
the  words  I  had  spoken  on  that  very  spot, 
flashed  back  upon  my  mind  !  Scarce  four 
years  and  a  half  had  passed  since  I,  in  the 
bloom  of  youth  and  beauty,  had  uttered  a 
similar  aspiration, — and  what  was  I  now  ? 
A  poor,  woe-worn  creature,  who  clung  for 
pity  and  support  to  the  very  being  whose 
hopes  and  happiness  then  seemed  depend- 
ant upon  me  !  I  grew  faint  and  oppressed, 
w.hich  was  instantly  remarked  by  my  kind 
companions  ;  they  led  me  gently  and  care- 
fully down  the  stairs,  and  placed  me  in  the 
Carriage,  where  I  sank  back  and  closed  my 
eyes,  as  if  exhausted  by  the  exertion  and 
anxious  for  repose.  Apparently  they  both 
thought  I  had  fallen  into  a  slumber,  for  nei- 
ther spoke  for  several  minutes  after  we  had 
started,  till  at  length  Harcourt  broke  the 
silence,  and  said  in  a  low  voice,  "  Mary ! 
did  you  hear  what  that  young  girl  said  just 
now  upon  the  terrace  ?  " 

"Yes,  the  lovely  creature,  you  mean, 


RECANTATION.  273 

who  exclaimed,  that  she  would  like  to  live 
all  her  life  long  in  Italy  .  .  .  ." 

"  The  same,  Mary  f  I  heard  that  wish 
expressed  on  the  self-same  spot  by  one  as 
young  and  far  more  lovely — yes,  she  was 
most  beautiful,  most  gifted,  and  ....  most 
loved  !  The  fatal  boon  was  granted,  and 
there  ....  witness  its  result!  " 

And  now  the  day  approached  when  they 
must  depart ;  hour  by  hour  the  inevitable 
time  drew  on  when  I  felt  that  I  should  be 
again  alone  !  On  the  last  Saturday  they 
were  to  be  in  Florence,  the  gentle  Mary 
came  late  in  the  afternoon  to  tell  me  that  her 
husband  was  to  preach  the  next  day  at  the 
British  chapel,  and  tried  gently  to  induce 
me  for  once  to  brave  the  exertion,  and 
promise  to  accompany  her  to  hear  him. 
She  had  never  before  spoken  to  me  on  any 
subject  connected  with  the  Protestant 
Church,  from  which  I  had  hoped  that  they 
were  acquainted  with  the  history  of  my 
abjuration,  and  purposely  abstained  from 
all  allusion  to  different  creeds  or  forms  of 
worship  ;  but,  alas  !  my  family  in  England 
had  all  been  silent  on  this  degrading  con- 
13 


274  RECANTATION. 

version,  and  the  shame  and  anguish  of  the 
disclosure  were  now  to  devolve  on  me  ! 

I  was  silent  while  she  gently  urged  the 
point,  saying  she  had  never  before  ventured 
on  so  solemn  a  subject ;  but  now  she  was 
impelled,  by  her  friendship  and  her  love, 
to  express  all  she  felt,  and  had  often  longed 
to  say.  And  her  sweet  face  grew  lovelier 
still,  and  her  speaking  eyes  more  expressive, 
as  she  dwelt  upon  the  all-consoling  influence 
of  religion.  "  You  mourn,"  she  continued, 
"  because  we  are  so  soon  to  part ;  but  oh  ! 
believe  me,  there  is  a  fountain  of  mercy 
and  consolation  open  to  us  all  ;  there  are 
promises  on  which  we  can  rely,  that  teach 
us  where  to  look  for  higher  and  holier 
things  than  this  \vorld  can  afford,  and  words 
of  blessed  import  to  the  sorrowful  and  the 
desolate.  Dear  friend,  forgive  me  if  I  thus 
intrude;  but  those  you  are  amongst  profess 
a  far  different  creed,  and  you  have  none  to 
sympathize  with  you  but  ourselves.  Oh, 
come,  then,  and  bear  the  words  which  my 
husband  will  speak  to-morrow  !  You  know 
how  eloquent,  how  persuasive  he  can  be  ; 
come,  then*  and  hear  him,  as  an  ambassador 


RECANTATION.  275 

of  Christ,  beseech  you  to  be  reconciled  unto 
God  !  " 

At  this  moment  Harcourt  himself  entered 
the  room  ;  but  in  her  affectionate  solicitude 
she  scarcely  noticed  the  interruption,  and 
went  on.  "  Join  with  us  afterwards  in  the 
communion  of  our  Lord :  let  us  kneel  around 
that  holy  table,  where  rejoicing  in  the  full 
assurance  of  faith,  we  are  spiritually  united 
to  our  Saviour,  and  become  one  with  Him 
and  He  with  us  !  Oh,  say,  then,  you  will 
come,  and  reap  the  benefit  of  His  death 
and  passion  to  your  great  and  endless  com- 
fort !  " 

"  Say  you  will,"  she  added,  gently  at- 
tempting to  withdraw  my  hands  from  be- 
fore my  face, — "  we  both  of  us  ask  this  from 
you  ....  Do  not  refuse  our  parting  wish." 
But  the  bitter  sobs  which  convulsed  my 
frame  could  no  longer  be  repressed,  and  I 
abandoned  myself  to  the  intensity  of  my 
despair,  as  I  sank  into  her  arms,  and  uttered 
the  fearful  confession  of  my  apostasy. 

She  started  from  me  in  wild  surprise, 
while  her  husband  uttered  an  involuntary 
expression  of  sorrow  and  astonishment,  and 


276  RECANTATION. 

for  an  instant  both  seemed  transfixed  with 
horror;  but  the  next  moment  every  sensation 
but  pity  had  disappeared,  and  they  strove 
to  calm  my  agitation  and  remorse.  And  then 
it  was  that  Harcourt  asserted  the  noblest 
prerogative  of  his  sacred  calling,  and  spoke 
to  me  of  hope,  of  consolation,  and  of  for- 
giveness. 

I  sat  between  these  pitying  angels,  trea- 
suring every  word  which  promised  comfort 
to  my  distracted  soul,  and  clinging  to  those 
blest  assurances  of  pardon  to  the  trembling 
and  repentant  sinner,  whose  only  sacrifice 
to  God  is  a  troubled  spirit  and  a  contrite 
heart. 

When  they  bade  me  farewell  that  night, 
with  a  promise  of  returning  early  the  next 
day,  and  devoting  it  entirely  to  me,  I  felt- 
more  composed,  more  cheered,  than  I  could 
have  dared  a  few  hours  before  to  hope. 
The  reckless  despair  wrhich  had  so  often  led 
me  to  fancy  myself  cut  off  from  all  partici- 
pation in  heavenly  promises,  seemed  already 
soothed  ;  and  Hooked  forward  with  anxious 
expectation  for  the  morrow,  which  was  to 
bring  a  renewal  of  this  spiritual  consolation. 


RECANTATION.  277 

I  was  not  destined,  however,  to  receive 
this  last  enjoyment ;  for  an  attack  of  fever 
came  on  during  the  night,  which  confined 
me  to  my  bed.  I  was  too  ill  on  the  Sunday 
to  see  even  the  gentle  Mary,  and  scarcely 
strength  to  receive  her  farewell  early  the 
next  morning,  when  she  entreated  to  see 
me  if  but  for  an  instant.  Her  last  words 
as  she  bent  over  me  were  an  encouragement 
to  be  of  good  cheer,  that  they  would  both 

pray  for  me  unceasingly. 

#         #         #         #         #         *         # 

It  is  nearly  six  weeks  since  they  left 
Florence  ;  I  have  grown  much  weaker  since, 
I  think.  I  no  longer  leave  my  room,  for  I 
feel  unequal  to  any  exertion  such  as  I  should 
formerly  have  welcomed  to  divert  the  mel- 
ancholy which  preyed  upon  me  ;  I  am  grown 
quite  passive  now.  I  can  sit  still  for  hours, 
looking  up  in  the  blue  sky,  and  thinking  how 
strange  it  is  that  the  bright  sunlight  has  no 
longer  power  to  charm  away  the  darkness 
which  has  gathered  over  my  soul. 

It  is  sad  to  be  so  feeble  and  so  lonely, — 
with  no  one  left  to  love  me  but  poor  Annina, 
who,  hireling  and  uneducated  as  she  is, 


278  RECANTATION. 

clings  to  me  yet,  and  often  conies  and 
kneels  by  the  side  of  the  sofa,  takes  my 
hand  in  hers,  and  cries  over  it,  oh,  so  bit- 
terly ! — and  it  would  be  a  relief  for  me  to 
weep  also,  but  I  seldom  shed  tears  now. 
My  fingers  have  become  so  thin,  that  even 
my  wedding-ring  can  scarcely  keep  on.  .  . 
...  I  wonder  whether  Trionfi  will  take  it 
off  when  I  am  dead  ?  Perhaps  he  will  not 

be  here not  even  to  see  me  die  ! 

Ah !  I  remember  I  have  heard  them  say 
that  the  priests  only  remain  to  witness  the 
parting  struggles  of  life  and  death.  Alone 
I  shall  be  then,  without  a  friend  !  Only 

the  priests  ! only  the  priests  /  .  .  .  . 

and  they  will  give  me  the  consecrated  wa- 
fer and  extreme  unction  too  :  in  my  last 
moments  I  must  still  testify  my  adherence 
to  their  faith  !  Oh,  that  I  could  but  die  a 
Protestant,  once  more  receive  the  Sacra- 
ment according  to  my  belief,  and  attest  my 
repentance  with  my  latest  breath  ! 

How  strange  it  is  to  feel  that  I  am  dy- 
ing, and  shall  soon  pass  away  from  hence. 
I  look  upon  all  things  with  a  sort  of  vague 
curiosity,  as  if  I  had  never  noticed  them 


RECANTATION.  279 

sufficiently  before,  and  much  strikes  me 
now  as  beautiful  which  once  I  should 
scarcely  have  regarded.  But  the  sight  of 
the  bustling  crowd  in  the  street  beneath 
my  window  makes  me  feel  very,  very  lone- 
ly ;  for  amongst  all  that  multitude  hurrying 
to  and  fro,  engrossed  in  pleasure  or  in  busi- 
ness, I  dp  not  see  one  person  who  cares 
whether  I  am  living  or  dead.  I  often  re- 
cognize my  former  gay  associates  in  the 
carriages  that  drive  past ;  but  I  have  out- 
lived their  recollection,-— besides  which,  I 
am  considered  in  a  decline,  and  the  Italians 
fly  from  it  as  contagious.  Oh,  I  do  feel  so 
solitary  here  !  .... 

I  have  been  removed  to  another  room, 
which  looks  into  a  garden ;  I  can  see  trees 
and  flowers,  and  a  sparkling  fountain  which 
reflects  the  sunbeams  in  a  thousand  colors, 
How  beautiful  the  sky  appears  to  me !  I 
often  strive  to  pierce  through  the  immensity 
of  space,  and  wonder  whether  my  mother's 
spirit  can  view  me  from  h£r  blest  abode. 
....  Sweet  mother  ?  it  would  have  been  a 
happiness  to  die,  could  you  but  have  watch- 
ed my  bed  of  sickness  ?  Sometimes  I  do 


280  RECANTATIO  N. 

not  despond  as  much  as  I  used  once  to  do 
....  I  think  of  Harcourt's  words  ;  and  if  I 
had  only  strength  to  study  my  Bible  much  ? 
I  am  sure  I  could  find  many  more  equally 
consoling — yes,  words  and  promises  of  com- 
fort even  to  me — for  I  acknowledge  my  trans- 
gression, and  my  sin  is  ever  before  me— - 
and  from  such  as  come  unto  Him  in  peni- 
tence and  humility,  God  surely  turneth  not 

away ! 

***** 

I  feel  happier  than  I  used  formerly ;  and 
I  last  night  had  a  blessed  dream,  which 
seemed  sent  from  on  high  to  sustain  my 
flitting  spirit  in  its  passage  to  eternity.  I 
fancied  myself  roaming  in  the  immensity  of 
space,  oppressed  by  terror,  and  not  know- 
ing where  to  seek  for  shelter ;  when  sud- 
denly I  felt  myself  sinking,  and  a  number 
of  fearful  phantoms,  who  appeared  to  re- 
present Remorse,  Hypocrisy,  and  Despair, 
were  dragging  me  down  to  a  dark  abyss 
which  was  yawning  to  receive  me. 

I  held  up  my  hands  in  wild  affright, 
and  cast  an  agonized  glance  upwards,  when 
suddenly  I  beheld  in  the  heavens  a  glorious 


RECANTATION.  281 

light  which  shed  its  radiant  lustre  far  and 
near,  excepting  on  the  gloomy  cavern  to- 
wards which  I  was  descending.  In  the 
centre  stood  a  cross,  ineffably  bright  and 
luminous,  at  the  foot  of  which  there  knelt  a 
countless  multitude — and  I  saw  crowns 
and  sceptres,  youth's  fairest  wreaths — 
manhood's  loftiest  aspirations — and  broken 
hearts — all  cast  in  tribute  before  that  cross, 
to  which  they  clung  in  preference  to  aught 
else  besides.  I  looked  up  despairing  of  as- 
sistance, yet  conscious  that  if  I  could  but 
once  reach  that  blessed  light  I  should  be 
saved.  Down,  down  I  went — the  atmos- 
phere growing  more  murky  and  oppres- 
sive, and  distant  yells  and  groans,  like  the 
hoarse  raging  of  a  stormy  sea,  becoming 
distinctly  audible.  Once  more  I  clasped 
my  hands  in  supplication,  and  this  time  I 
called  on  Him  who  is  mighty  to  save — IN 
FAITH  I  called,  believing  I  might  yet  be 
rescued — and  lo  !  light  as  a  heavenly  spirit 
I  rose  up  in  the  air,  and  a  chorus  of  sera- 
phic voices  broke  forth  into  songs  of  praise 
and  triumphant  jubilee ! 

Then  myriads  of  rejoicing  souls  appeared 


282  RECANTATION. 

to  welcome  the  Ransomed  of  the  Lord  ;  and 
one  beauteous  spirit  in  particular  preceded 
all  the  rest,  and  receiving  me  in  her  arms, 
supported  me  in  my  upward  flight.  The 
face  was  ineffably  beautiful,  yet  it  bore  still 
the  features  of  one  who,  during  her  pilgrim- 
age of  sorrows,  had  been  so  lovely  that  we 
seemed  to  view  the  angel  even  while  she 
dwelt  on  earth.  Her  spotless  robes  of  white 
encircled  my  form,  and  her  arms  were  gently 
wound  about  me  ;  once  more  my  head  was 
pillowed  on  her  breast,  and  joy  and  gladness 
already  seemed  my  portion,  sorrow  and 
sighing  seemed  for  ever  flown  away,  when 
I  recognised  in  that  heavenly  spirit  she  who 

on  earth  had  been — my  mother! 

******* 

Oh,  Harcourt !  best  and  truest  friend — 
with  my  dying  breath  I  shall  invoke  bless- 
ings on  your  head,  and  pray  for  your  end- 
less happiness  ! 

I  am  no  longer  alone  ; — my  last  hours 
will  be  soothed  by  a  brother's  love — my 
trembling  spirit  re-assured  by  the  presence 
of  a  minister  of  Christ !  Henry  is  here,  sent 
by  Harcourt  to  watch  his  sister's  death-bed, 


RECANTATION.  283 

and  guide  her  unto  truth.  No  more  the 
stern,  relentless  brother  that  once  I  used  to 
dread, — but  gentle,  pitying,  and  persuasive ! 
To-morrow  I  shall  once  more  be  permitted 
to  partake  spiritually  of  our  Saviour's  bless- 
ed Communion,  and  then  trusting  in  our 
Redeemer  for  forgiveness — He  who  was 
wounded  for  our  transgressions  and  bruised 
for  our  iniquities — I  shall  lift  up  my  face 
without  fear,  and  forget  the  misery  I  have 
suffered,  or  remember  it  only  as  waters  that 
have  passed  away.  I  know  that  the  time 
of  my  departure  draweth  near,  and  I  await 
with  humble  faith  the  hour  when  it  shall 
plea'se  the  Almighty  to  take  me  hence ;  and 
having  peace  with  Him  through  our  Lord 
Jesus  Christ,  I  rejoice  in  the  hope  of  ever- 
lasting life  ! 


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